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sable89's picture

Submitted by sable89 on Mon, 08/01/2011 - 3:53pm

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Blended Family Issues

My SD's mom lost her baby at full term this past weekend and I would like to send her a sympathy card from me and my husband (her ex). We have not always gotten along over the years, but I would like to express my sympathy to her because I can not imagine what she is going through at all. SD just moved in with us 2 weeks ago and it is hard on her also knowing she won't have her baby sister. Would a card be ok to send her? I welcome any suggestions. Thanks

cat72196's picture

Submitted by cat72196 on Mon, 08/01/2011 - 4:07pm

AGREE.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Mon, 08/01/2011 - 4:10pm

It's very nice of you to want to express sympathy to BM. However, I agree with the others- have SD send her a card that she picks out or makes herself to BM. BM will know that you were involved and will undoubtedly appreciate that. Also, if she ever says anything about it to you, you could say, "I'm so sorry for your loss. You're in my thoughts and prayers."

KirbyKat's picture

Submitted by KirbyKat on Tue, 08/02/2011 - 9:19am

I guess I disagree, as long as your relationship with her is somewhat reasonable, then I think it would be okay. At this point, she is not “ex” or “BM”, she is another human being who is going through an enormous tragedy. When my brother died, several people didn’t say anything to me because they felt they didn’t know what to say, and it really hurt my feelings. I have heard others who have lost loved ones express the same feelings. It’s better to say something, even if it’s just “sorry for your loss” than to not acknowledge it at all. However, if you decide you’re uncomfortable doing that, then doing a card from SD is a good compromise.

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Tue, 08/02/2011 - 10:42am

I dont think (from what I can tell) that the relationship is at that level. If it were me, I would probably be stopping by BM's house to check on her, probably even send flowers or something... but we have that kind of a co-parenting relationship. In fact, if this were to happen to her, I would probably be the 2nd person she would call (assuming her BF was with her, she would call her mom, and then me). But I don't get that vibe in the OP.

bribaby1105's picture

Submitted by bribaby1105 on Thu, 08/04/2011 - 7:52pm

I don't understand why people try to throw the "me vs. you" boundaries when a human being has just gone through a very traumatic event in her life, that will change her forever. There are times when you just have to push everything aside and be a compassionate person. I would send her a card and maybe some flowers signed by you and your husband. I think she would realize that despite your differences, you are all people who deserve sympathy in hard times.