MY HB, still has another account from before we were married, that some of his paycheck gets put into, when I have questioned him about it, he says he had it before we were married, UH DUH, OUR joint account I have now, I had before we got married, but guess what I ADDED HIM TO MINE. I also see both sides, if she's not paying the bills, that should take priority first, not the kids vaca. If the bills are getting paid and you are NOT financially hurting, then yes she got the job to help the ADULT kid out, but if bills aren't paid priorities need to get straightened out.

She does that and doesn't even talk to you or even let you know what she is doing. I would have issue with that big time. I know how to change locks... }:)

Baamal - if you earn extra money than put it in an account of your own or sock it away in a little safe in your house - I can see your point but she did work extra for it for a specific reason and since she did that I feel she can spend it as she wants as long as she is paying what she needs to toward the household bills. And remember what is good for the goose is good for the gander - so if you feel like you want to work extra for something for you then do it and see how she feels!!!!

The thing is - marriage is about honesty and trust. I agree she should be able to work extra and give her Daughter a special present if she wants - as long as you are both contributing erqually to household expenses, etc. But by not communicating to you ahead of time why she was working over time, it seems a bit secretive. DH and I have our own accounts and a joint account for taking care of our common needs such as electricity, house payments, taxes, etc. Sure makes things a lot easier - and I don't have to pay for any surprises for nasty, entitled SD.

Next time, just ask her why she's working overtime. Done.

I think joint funds should be discussed and agreed upon by both of you. If my husband dared to take money from our joint account and give it to his daughter without discussing it with me first, he would find his life changing very quickly indeed! }:)

Ultimitely, it's probably the dishonesty of how it was handled that is really getting under your skin. And I don't blame you. My DH and I have a joint account for bills and separate accounts for personal things. His is mostly spent on his loser grown ass offspring. If he were working overtime just to finance their vacation, I would be really pissed off too!!! Just because she worked overtime, doesn't give her the right to not be upfront with you. She likely kept quiet because she knows shes an idiot for giving her money to her dd for a freaking vacation she obviously can't afford. I would sit her down and tell her you are not happy about this and why. Good luck.

The way to look at this is would she be upset at you if you had done the same thing? Any money taken out of a joint account should be a joint decision. Yeah she worked for the money but don't you work for your money too? It should have been discussed. As a natter of fact she should have told you beforehand what she was working overtime for. Does she think you would have said No? Would you have? I wonder why she didn't feel comfortable discussing it with you.

My husband and I have individual accounts, this is my advice to you. We decided on this after about 15 years of marriage and lots of arguments about money. We have very different spending styles. Each week he contributes so much to the bills in the house and the rest he does what he wants.

But my question is this, why is your wife paying for somebody else's vacation? I kind of think that is wierd. If SD decides to take a trip, why does she not work the overtime? Seems backwards to me. I can see if you wife wanted to give her a gift card or something, and while i am not sure how much she actually did give her (seems like a lot if she had to work overtime) it is kind of like treating the SD like an entitled princess.