I feel like crying and breaking down...
My fiancee' who is a wonderful, loving man also hates my kids and everything to do with them. I have a 7 yr old boy and a 4 yr old boy and he has a 8 yr old boy. My two do talk back and push back at times, I am hard on them though and do the proper punishments for those things.
The thing I'm wondering is if he's controlling? I'm scared that he may be in some way. Today he said that he told his son (who loves my kids and considers them "brothers) that if my son ever (either boy) hit him to wail on him back and not be a wuss. I told him NO absolutly not that is not what I think the answer should be. He got all mad and angry talking about how crappy my kids are and how they don't respect me etc... my kids are at times brats and yes the piss me off too but in my mind they are doing what kids do and that is test boundaries and I push back and take no crap. He was VERY mad that I told him if his son hit any one of my kids nomatter who started it there would be ramifications , he said he would get so angry that I would probably end up leaving him. I told him fine then I would.
The thing is. He and I have a AMAZING relationship 95% of the time. The times that it sucks is when it involves the kids. I am at a loss what to do anymore and really feel like breaking down.
also tonight his son had some sort of crying fit over a toy he gave my youngest a year ago. That part I didn't know, I walked in on him crying hard and his father getting more and more angry til he picked him right up marched him up the stairs and was YELLING for all he was worth how ALL our kids suck etc. Part of me things it was egged on by our discussion earlier (I highly doubt my fiancee' enjoys these heated conversations between he and I between the kids. He was so mad it scared me I was shaking and nervous. I haven't felt that way since my ex came home and tried to beat me.
what do I do?
My SO is the same when it
My SO is the same when it comes to his son...he prefers him fighting back to crying like a wilted flower (I'd say girl but I've seen girls WAY tougher than my SS8)...I solved the cry-baby issue by introducing him to my tough as nails 7 year old nephew...SS learned quick & in a hurry that him losing at rough play (that he, SS started) did not warrant him screaming & crying like a pansy. Is there an issue with your SS crying over small boy play incidents?
Is there an issue with your boys hitting his son? Or visa versa?
I know this is a tough situation. If you indeed want it to work out between you & your FH, this will need to be sorted out sooner rather than later.
From what I've read, I'd say that his reaction to the toy incident was definately egged on by what happened earlier.
With my Skids, there are things I expect them to work out on their own & there are things that are bigger & badder that must be dealt with by a grown up. It may help if the two of you sit down & discuss accepted (kid can fix) behavior & which scenario's would need an adult to interfere with.
Maybe your SO is feeling like your boys are picking on his son & his son isn't taking it well???
He is going to push his son
He is going to push his son to fight yours. Since the kid is a wuss, he may go after your 4 year old. Tell your boys that it is ok to defend one another. When your boys jump his a few times he'll change his tune about having his son wail on your boys.
Remind me, what is amazing
Remind me, what is amazing and wonderful about a man who hates your kids and everything to to with them and eggs his older son to beat them up? NOTHING!
Your children are minors and it is your job to protect them and bring them up to be good law abiding citizens. It is not your job to provide them with a roof over their heads with an adult who hates them. So your choice is to move out and end the relationship or hand the children over to someone who doesn't threaten them.
Just something to think about ... if your children feel threatened or act up a lot it may just be that they KNOW this man doesn't like them being around and it makes them anxious.
Fiance's only child is
Fiance's only child is unfamiliar with the sibling rivalry and rough horseplay found in larger families.
I think it's a good idea that fiance's son learn how to defend himself in case anyone ever jumps him, he knows fight and flight.
WHen you've got a kid that has a back talking mouth, it's really difficult to stop the sass. One of my husband's daughters has a flip mouth that has gotten her in plenty of trouble, and I've got a neice that back talked since she could speak. These two continue today with their mouths no matter how ridiculous they sound or what they say. They can't help themselves, they have to have the last word and they're know it alls.
It use to irk the heck out of my husband when my neice sassed me. I paid no attention, said what I wanted, and expected what I told her to do to happen. One day my husband became so angry and raised his voice to my neice to stop talking that way to me and then said how he couldn't believe I took that off her. I looked him straight in the eye and told him I ignore it just like I ignored his daughter's belligerant mouth. He was shocked.
So when another listens to a kid reaming out his parent or loved one, they don't like it and feel they need do battle on your behalf. However.....if your son is using swear words and talking really hateful, that's a whole nother issue. I'm assuming he's cantankerous and has to have the last word.
Personally, I'd enroll all 3 boys in a self defense class that teaches you only fight and flight. THey encourage one to leave a situation, but if one must defend themself, this is the posture, these are the moves, then get the heck out of there. In fact, the whole family should take the lessons. It's a neat course teaches positive thinking and control of mind and body. Almost a religion like experience.
Then, I'd tell those boys we're all a clan and the importance of taking care of each other. We protect and look out, not fight and hurt our family members.
It's true, kids just can screw everything up. Unfortunately, most people don't realize that until it's too late.
Good luck with this...hope it all works out for you.
He hates sports and hates the
He hates sports and hates the army Ripley LOL. He feels that his son should defend himself if he be bullied (my son loves his son and if they hit its stupid baby stuff like a backhanded halfhearted whack on the arm the boys are not overly violent at all) I have explained bullying and playful hitting are two diff things to be delt with differently.
In reply to another post my kids are TERRIBLE for me but perfect ANGELS for everyone else! No joke. They are good for my fiance's mother, the sitter, my mom, my dad, his parents, even him! its when I get in the picture they are acting out. I am sure some of it is he is not their dad and (its been two years living as a family) they are still somehow adjusting.
My fiance worrys his son will get bullied like my son does in school (my oldest does nothing to egg anything on and gets beat on by "little man syndrome" classmates literally smaller than him. He tells on them and won't fight back even though I feel if it gets excessive and time outs aren't straightening this brat out that its time he does it (ok nm WHOLE other subject) The teacher even said he does nothing is a great kid has lots of friends but every year on little crapper picks him out and beats on him and he does nothing the kid gets caught and punished and its every day this way since preschool..frustrating for a mom. I think the bully needs a day out of school I don't care what grade he's in! 1st or 10th!
Yes we communicate well and he never makes the kids feel like he doesn't like them, this was literally the first upset in two years, usually my fiancee won't say a word to be about the boys unless they are in bed or at their dads, we talk all the time about how hes not clicking and he says he feels bad but it doesn't come naturally. I think that a lot of him getting upset that day was his son crying and not communicating even after gentel probing and then straight out TELL ME WHY YOUR CRYING, I mean his son was sobbing over a toy he gave my youngest a year ago, his father told him that he gave it away and its been a year and when you give somehting away its gone thats why we always say share but get it back. We are all about sharing but don't give your things away unless your ready to let it go.
anyways his son was uncontrollable would not speak sobbed like his psycho BM does about EVERTHING for anything and my fiance was just tired of the crying and him not cracking so he said go to your room take a nap or a breather and come back when you can speak. He just kept sobbing so my fiance picked him up and was hollaring (frustrated I'm sure) about how the day and kids SUCKED that day. I do agree it was a horrid day and all three boys are TERRIBLE , RUDE LOUD talking about farts and burps etc, stupid voices etc over and over when together, they are hyper and dumb and ignore he and I when we parent until it becomes extreme. TAKE ONE KID OUT OF THE MIX and all is well. Add one back and its INSANE. This is our life on a weekly and every three day rotating schedule. and punishments not matter what its never ending, they can lose everything time out etc and still it goes on!
TELL ME SOMEONE has this stupidity too! I feel so out of place and control, I am always trying to get them to listen not talk back etc that all my time with them is that and not fun
I hate it!