crazy ex wife!!! need advice please!!
I have been married to my husband for a year now. When his ex wife found out we were getting married she went nuts. She is also remarried too and has been since 2 weeks after their divorce. She went to the police claiming all kinds of stuff and had her friends sign sworn statements for court. In the end she was granted a 3 year restraining order which allows him to call his kids once a week for a short time and gave her soul custody. There are so many issues I could discuss but basically she wants me to pay her child support. He hasnt seen his kids in 2 years because of this. She is just now starting to think about letting them come see him but he has to follow all of her house rules because she doesnt want them to want to ask to live with him. I am not allowed to help brush their teeth or their hair. I can not ask them to quit jumping on the beds. I cant do anything like that. I would have to call him and basically tattle so he can take care of it. I have never met his kids nor his ex wife. They are not know me as their stepmom or call my son their brother or the baby we are fixing to have their brother. If she hears anything that she doesnt like she will go back to how it is suppose to be with the restraining order. Its bull. Her words were they have a mother, they dont need another. I will support my husband in whatever he decides to do. I will play along for however long and reinforce who their mother is and whatever else i need to do just so he can see his kids. that is what is important. How do i deal with this? It kills me that she is doing this to him and there is really nothing he can do about it.
This is going to sound
This is going to sound selfish and horrible but just pay the child support and let them continue not to visit. Ask if she is comfortable with you all visiting for a few hours with the kids in a public place. With you and your children present of course. I am telling you, for your sanity, its better if they dont come to your house with those rules in place. I feel so bad for your step kids but theres really nothing you can do to save them from their mother and in trying to save them by letting them come visit you all, you are only going to drive yourself to a nervous breakdown and affect the family you have very negatively. Those rules are ridiculuous and I would encourage you to do everything you can to avoid that situation. what does your dh think of her rules? Is he serously considering doing that to you in your own house?
Why in the world are you
Why in the world are you paying child support instead of him??? He hasn't seen his kids because he doesn't want to see them. What was stopping him from going to court to have visits set up?
I'm not sure I understand. 1-
I'm not sure I understand.
1- BM has sole custody..fine but your husband is allowed to call them weekly but he is not allowed to have regular visitation..why?
2- Does he not pay child support?? and if he does why does she want you to pay child support??
I just dont understand what has happened here. IF the Court stated he cannot see his kids then he cannot see his kids. Even if BM decides that he can now see them because she has some house rules for him to follow doesn't matter. Your husband cannot violate what the Court Order says or he would be in contempt and that is not something he wants to do..Your husband would have to go back to court and get the CO changed.
Read his CO and find out exactly what his rights are as their father...
Good luck... Z
He is paying child support.
He is paying child support. He was divorced and all of this bs was done in Hawaii. He is in the military and while everything was going on in court, they stationed him in Kansas. Once he got to Kansas his pay decreased about $2000 because he wasnt getting the extra money due to the high cost of living in Hawaii and also when she was awarded child support he was deployed so the courts went off of his deployment pay. His wages are garnished. They take 60% of his check which only ends up being about $1200. He is ordered to pay $2550 so she wants me to come up with the rest. We are trying to go back to court but since she moved out of Hawaii we had to wait until she was living somewhere for 6 months to be able to take her to court there. 6 months is coming up and we are trying to save up for a lawyer in California. It is going to cost a lot of money for a lawyer and to fly back and forth each time there is a court date. jennymae my husband doesnt like the rules any more than I do but if thats what he has to do to see his kids then so be it. Hawaii does not like military. That is the only thing i could find that would have the judge ruling the way he did. His ex wife is remarried to another military man but she doesnt work so the judge also ordered for my husband to pay her $26,000 in lawyer fees. The whole situation is crazy. The fact that he was no longer in Hawaii for the hearings had a huge part in it too Im sure. His lawyer really sucked over there. As far as the restraining order goes, the judge in Hawaii ordered both of them to record all converstations that he has when he calls to talk to his kids. She stopped doing this about 2 months into it because it was a hassle. He is still recording and has told her this. The last conversation he had with the kids is when she asked to speak to him and told him all of this. She said she knows there is a restraining order but she is tired of courts, it stresses her out and its breaking her heart that the kids are asking to see him so she wants to let them see him and this would be a mutual agreement between them outside of the restraining order. blah blah blah. it just drives me nuts how someone could be so cold hearted. I am seriously thinking about spending the time that he may have the kids at my parents house 14 hours away so I dont have to worry about doing something or the kids happening to say something she doesnt like.
"my husband doesnt like the
"my husband doesnt like the rules any more than I do but if thats what he has to do to see his kids then so be it."
So be it means you have to live like that for the next however many years until all the kids are 18. Maybe you can handle that... if you can I am in awe of you and think you are a much much better person than me. I couldnt live like that and if it was me I wouldnt expect my husband to expect me to live like that. Wait it out until you can take it court and then there will be no way she can make you follow those rules, no court would uphold them. I hope this all works out for the best but I agree with the above poster who said do not go against the ro it could be a trap, recorded call or not he will be violating a court order and can be arrested and charged. Even if she is being nice now, the first time she gets mad she will be able to have him arrested for violating that ro. Dont put yourselves in that position.
I am trying to convince him
I am trying to convince him to bring her back to court no matter what she says. He has trusted her word over and over again and he always ends up getting screwed. To be honest I cant live like that. It is driving me absolutely nuts. This supposed visit with his kids is not scheduled until July of next year so I am hoping we are back in court long before then and may be able to get everything reversed being that we have her on tape stating she lied and did all of this to keep me away from her kids.
I am all for that but im not
I am all for that but im not sure he will listen. He is on cloud nine about being able to see his kids and her threatening that if he does anything she doesnt like she will keep them from him just sucks ass. She is a very moody person and Im sure one day soon she will mess up and change her mind about something and it will be enough incentive for him to take her back to court when he can.