BM wants me to pay child support for her kids
My husband has a reduced pay since child support was ordered. He was making twice as much when he was deployed and stationed in Hawaii. Now we live in Kansas so no extra pay for Hawaii and deployment. BM now lives in Cali with her husband who is also military. She refuses to work and lives off her husband and child support. My husband already has the max taken out that the state will garnish from his check. Every time he calls to talk to his kids his ex wife always asks for him to send more money. When he says that he cant because we are already struggling she says that I have a job and I can send money. I have my own child to support. She expects us to cut off our calbe, internet, get rid of my sons dog, and anything else we can do to save money to send to her. She says she is so tight for money and the kids want to go do like 4 different activities each and she cant afford to send them to everything they want to do. Well I cant afford to send my child to EVERYTHING he wants either. I had to learn to say no to some things. But what gets me is that they have the money to go 700 miles to go camping and leave the kids for a week with a sitter so her and her husband can spend a week in vegas. I sure wish i had money to do that. Then she starts her own little threats about how she doesnt want to have the child support moved to cali but that is what it is fixing to come to and if she does that then child support will be redone and he will end up paying more because cali uses the spouses income to calculate it. well i have news for her, when we spoke to a lawyer there after she first moved there, the lawyer said that based on his income his child support would be cut in half and they do not use spouses income. my income would actually lower his child support because they use my income to see what tax bracket we are in and how much tax would be taken out of his checks. Do I make sense? What is everyones opinions on this? I would not mind helping and sending her money when I could except she has never allowed me to even meet the children. To clarify this, I have been married for a little over a year and that is about the time she moved to cali so he doesnt get to see his children as much as he used to. If he were to fly there to see his kids, i am not allowed to be with him. She is very controlling. She doesnt want another woman in their lives but its ok for them to have a stepfather. HELP?
I would love to tell her
I would love to tell her exactly what I think of her but I stay out of their issues or atleast try. I have a few choice words that would smack her off her high horse. It takes everything I have to keep my mouth shut. She has actually come out and said that she doesnt care about my child, her only concern is her kids so whatever it takes away from my son she is sorry but she doesnt care. I would really like to ring her neck. That was exactly my response. I am not good enough to even meet her kids but I can definately support them. She has never even met me, spoke to me, nothing. so how can she judge me
she lives in her own world.
she lives in her own world. its always her way or no way. if she doesnt get her way she throws a huge fit. i am trying not to say anything because she would use it against my husband and she knows the only way she can hurt him is through the kids. she would have no problem using the kids to get to him. she is the perfect example of a parent putting themselves first before the children. i keep telling my husband karma will come back and bite her one day.
Your husband's response to
Your husband's response to her everytime she brings up money should be "get a J-O-B", or "I pay child support, that is what that is for" and he needs to explain to her that this has NOTHING to do with you or your money. Your husband needs to stand up against her. My husband's ex had a similiar mentality thinking that for some reason I owed her kids something over my own children or that they were entitled to the same as what we gave our children. She got the message real quick that this was not going to fly and that I would not let my children get short changed. Stay strong and don't let her manipulate her way into having your son taken advantage of.
Check the laws of the state
Check the laws of the state where the divorce was finalized. You should not have to pay her CS. You had nothing to do with making those kids. Next time she says something about it, quote the information you printed off from the state's website verbatim and have DH forward her the correct link so she can see it herself.
she would never get the
she would never get the message even if it were black and white right in front of her.
Awww, that's so cute! Look
Awww, that's so cute! Look over there in Cali at the delusional person! That's pretty much what I would say to my BM if she ever said anything like that to me.
If she kept it up, I'd tell her to bite me.
And if she still kept it up, I'd file a restraining order (people that delusional are no longer cute, they're dangerous!)
im waiting for her to find my
im waiting for her to find my cell or work number and start calling. i will definately be filling a restraining order. its bs
i make much more than my
i make much more than my husband and i have no problem buying whatever he wants for christmas and bdays and paying for it all to be shipped with is very expensive but i am not allowed to put that it is also from me and my son. oh there is so much she is delusional about its rediculous
Your income should not be a
Your income should not be a factor, and she could just be threatening in hopes of getting more money. Even if you do meet the kids, you still shouldn't support her kids. Besides that issue, when it is dad's visitation time, unless he is harming the children, it is none of her business who the kids are around. Period.
Does your SO still live in
Does your SO still live in the state where they set up the CO and CS? If so, she should not be able to change jurisdictions. As long as one of the parties lives in that state judges are leary about moving it. There is no way I would send her a single extra penny with that attitude. Next time she threatens you like that I'd be telling her to bring it on.
everything was set in hawaii.
everything was set in hawaii. we live in kansas and she live in cali now
Whoa this is what I would
Whoa this is what I would do..I would tell my dh that if she doesn't want me to meet her kids and telling me I am nothing to her kids and that my son doesn't matter to her then I will have nothing to do with his kids. Meaning HE needs to take care of everything for them and I will be the friend! Period! I will also not buy them ANYTHING unless I really wanted to and it will not be expected and I WILL put my name on the gift period and if that is not good enough then I wouldn't buy a thing.
I would also let my dh know with out a shadow of doubt that it is obvious that I am the only one that cares weather my son is taken care of so I will put all my efforts into raising my child. He needs to take care of his kids and I will take care of my kids. He sounds like he is doing the right thing by telling her that he can't send any more money now he just needs to say NO! end of discussion. every time he brought up money he needs to say I send CS and change the subject.
She is greedy and I know the feeling as my bm said the same thing to me even went as far as saying that my kids should not have a room at their own house b/c her kids need their rooms even though they are only here every other weekend! I told her that if she doesn't care about my kids I don't care about hers! fair! Yes! She got the point! (disclaimer even though I do care about the kids I just told her the same thing she told me)
I am dying for it to go back
I am dying for it to go back to court because I will be involved in this court case!! He knows I will not send her anything and he would never dare ask that i do so lol. I have a feeling we will be seeing court papers soon since she just text him and asked for his address AGAIN. I can not wait!!! I will definately put money towards a lawyer lol
Oh man...this sounds
Oh man...this sounds familiar. Don't send another dime. I think its awful that they can remarry and you can't use their spouse income to determine if they should get the child support reduced or increased, but as soon as the man gets remarried now they want to look at our income and increase child support. If he does for them by having child support come out of his pay and he does things for the child(ren) when they come for visits I would not send any additional money. Also as my skids have gotten older we have had put into the Shared parenting custody order that they cannot participate in more than 2 activities a year and if they do we are not esponsible for paying for them. MAybe you could do something like that.