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The KID does NOT run my house after all!

im_trying_my_best's picture

Submitted by im_trying_my_best on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 8:29pm

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So, last weekend ss was here for double the time he ever has been before. WITH my daughter here too. Things were different though, thank God..a few weeks ago I had printed a few articles and my dh read them about "guilty daddy syndrom" and such, and he really did take em to heart. i told him if he didnt, the next step would be for me to disengage. i dont think he wanted that.
as soon as ss7 got here, we sat him down and told him the new rules straigt up : you WILL not be treated differently then the child that lives here all the tiem, you WILL be punished the exact same way she is even though you arent here all the time, when you ARE here the same rules and punishments go. you WILL not go behind "SM's" (Mine)" back and get something outta your dad, what one person says goes and thats final, and a few other important ones.
Had a decent weekend. No fighting btwn dh and I and he finaly grew a pair with his kid and when the only problem DID come up (he was being a little brat to my daughter towards the end) my DH went in there and straight up told him "you are a GUEST in this house, she lives here, if you want to play in here room you WILL BE nice to her". I almost fainted!
Overall, Im very satisfied with the outcome and hope to have many more weekends like that (if he HAS to be here might as well try to get along right?)

briarmommy's picture

Submitted by briarmommy on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 8:52pm

That is so wonderful for your family, I am so happy that your dh was able to open his eyes and change a little bit. This will be better not just for you and your daughter but for your ss in the end, he needs to be diciplined so he can grow up and be productive.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Fri, 06/03/2011 - 9:51pm

I agree wholeheartedly about treating the kids equally. When my mom and stepdad got married, they treated us all equally. My stepsiblings lived with their mom 50% of the time and with my stepdad and mom (and me, except for every weekend) 50% of the time. Their treating us equally helped us to get along (even though that took time too).

However, I have to disagree about the guest part. I don't call someone you pay hefty child support for a guest. A guest is a family member or friend visiting from out of state, or one of your child's friends who comes over for supper. He absolutely needs to be treated equally, but he also needs to know that he's not a guest and is a member of your and DH's family who's expected to contribute, just like the other kids. My stepdad and mom never referred to any of us as guests and made sure we knew we had to contribute. This helped us all greatly in the long run.

Yme's picture

Submitted by Yme on Sat, 06/04/2011 - 8:49am

IMHO: "guest" comment aside this BD stood up with his balls no longer in his kids or Xw's hands and set the record straight!! FOR THAT ALONE I APPLAUDE HIM!!!!!!!! He will make mistakes...
I think that the ss will grow up well rounded and grounded now that DOD isnt babying him....and at 14 he will LOVE being a part of this family and not a dreaded terrorist!!!!
Job well done "Im Trying my best"!! What articles did you print??....maybe I need to do the same with my DH..

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Sat, 06/04/2011 - 9:42am

That guest comment may cause problems in the future. Can't expect a house guest to do chores around the house.

im_trying_my_best's picture

Submitted by im_trying_my_best on Sat, 06/04/2011 - 6:28pm

Oh did I say that he did chores? If I did then I made a mistake, he doesnt at all. I dont expect him to, I expect him to come and visit with his dad, but to ME that is just what it is, a visit. he has his own room at his house, his own stuff, ext. and he lives with his mom. this is our house and my daughter lives here and he gets "visitation" every other week here. I think what my hubby meant however since he does always say "hes part of this family too" in that statement is that he was in my daughters room and ordered her to leave it, which made me mad. so hubby was telling him basically in so many words that it is HER room and he is a guest in it. get it now? Smile anyhow, today we had alittle fight because i made the comment that since he is working next saturday he should just get him sunday and take him home monday. and he said "well i will just keep him for 4 or 5 days"! WHOOOO THERE BETSY! LOL it caused a big fight b/c basically i feel this past weekend was a huge step in teh right direction and b/c of that my hubby is just trying to push more onto me fast and im not ready for that. he understands that now but thats a whole other post. guess ill go write that one!