New step type person on the block
Hi everyone! I'm so glad I found you all! This seems like a relaxing place...
So this is my first post and I guess I need some reassurance. I'm not a step mom, but by bf and I have been together for almost three years and within the last year or so I've started to BE a SM. Here's the thing: the boy is a wild kid. I love children. I love to babysit and stay with my nieces and nephews, I loved subbing in school and I'm soon going back to school to study education. I'm beginning to dread weekends when SS comes to visit. I discussed discipline with BF and he has given me the go-ahead to give time outs and stuff like that and I've gotten similar permission from the BM. But it's like SS doesn't care if he gets grounded at all! BF and I have been explicit about what the expectations are with us but there is still screaming in the car and throwing and hitting and backtalk, baby talk, whining, selective hearing, complaining and all that. I have never been around a child who was this badly behaved CONSTANTLY.
I've been trying to reason out whether I'm just making things up because I'm being jealous and territorial but I dont think I am. Many, many, many other people have said what a nightmare he is and now there are problems at school. I want to help but dont know what my boundaries are really. I love my bf more than anything, but I need help dealing with this kid and his BM. Does anyone have any encouragement?
You are getting a preview of
You are getting a preview of what your life will be like if you marry him. The BF is already showing you how he's going to handle situation. It's my experience that people just don't change when it comes to their kids unless something drastic happens. You need to sit down and have a SERIOUS heart-to-heart with the BF about this issue, and then you both need to come up with a gameplan. Then just observe things for a few months....if you find that the BF was just giving you lip service and isn't really going to put his foot down with his kid, then walk away or you will end up like the rest of us venting over the misery our stepkids put us through.
^ agree with above! Get some
^ agree with above!
Get some parenting books too....They have good info
GET BF on board NOW like above poster says...it is key
Now that I've read some other
Now that I've read some other posts, I actually feel really lucky and a lot like my situation isn't so bad. SS7 is rude and obnoxious to everyone, not just me. He even annoys the bejeezus out of his dad. His BM is starting to go through a 504 with the school and everyone is on board with that if it will get him more help (even though BF and I are sure that the problem is REALLY the BM because that's where he spends most of his time, and not that he has some kind of disorder). I have a great relationship with my "mother in law" and she understands and can empathize with me. The boy even seems to really like me and to care what I think about him! Of course all these good points could rapidly change as soon as BM decides I have done something wrong...
The thing that made me feel the worst about this situation is that I really don't like to spend time with SS because he is such a brat all the time and nothing seems to change that. I feel like a horrible person because I think so poorly of him. He's just a little boy who wants people to like him but he can't get out of his own way. And I really want to like him! When he's good I do like to do science experiments and fun stuff, but most of the time he's such a sh*t. I feel like BF would hate me if he knew what I'm really thinking when SS tells us "I don't HAVE to" when we ask him to do something. But now I know that other people are having the same hard time that I am, and it really makes me feel a lot better!
So thanks to everyone for sharing all this. I know now that I'm not alone and that I'm not a bad person, just an ordinary one. It will take a while to adjust and really believe that I'm not a demon, but I don't want to give up on this just because it will take work.