Hi everyone! This is my first time joining a site.
I've read plenty so I am excited to actually interact!

My husband & I are shell shocked at a situation that we feel is unusual,so if anyone knows of a similar one or just has a few pointers or helpful advice,it would be greatly appreciated.
I will start with his background since it is pertaining to his children.He has two daughters from a previous marriage,ages 6 & 9.The oldest is not his bio daughter but he raised her since she was almost 2.I will call her Ali & his bio daughter El.They were divorced from a short 3 year marriage due to her unfaithfulness(may I note while he was watching both children at night for sometime she was supposively going to school.
He asked to please let Ali visit everytime with his bio,El so she wouldn't feel abandoned or left out.He told me he just couldn't imagine her face watching him pick up El & not her.He also told his x I am the only father she's ever known.She agreed.Her bio father was a fling in college on a trip in Mexico,so he's never been in the picture.The girls have faithfully been coming all these years & visiting him & his parents with his brothers girls every other weekend & every Wednesday. Ali doesn't know he is not her bio dad. His x didn't want to tell her all those years until she met a man(potential new dad) 2 1/2 years ago. Same time I came into the picture. My husband insisted not now,wait till she's 10 as the counselor suggested. I stayed out of everyone's business for about 8 months. This is where our story begins...
This whole spring break the girls were suppose to be with us.He is a school teacher.
When we went to pick them up,his x says Ali isn't coming,she has alot planned,she'll bring her Wednesday. Wednesday he text's her & she says she's not coming at all! He got upset & texted her back since when did her coming become an option? She said she always gave Ali that as an option & sometimes she didn't want to come but she made her. He asked if she was around,she said yes.He said can I talk to her?She asked her & she didn't want to talk. He later talked to mother on phone a long time.He asked was he a parent with parental rights or not?Was this optional visitation to last?The x said,I don't know,we'll have to see what Ali feels. He left it alone after that.
Let me add the girls had alot of behavorial problems,not severe though.The youngest threw tantrums,they both lied (perfectly to you face,eye to eye)like it was nothing.Ali has always been sarcastic to her father & grandfather,slightly raising her voice.The girls also got into everything of mine,wouldn't mind me,& jumped on our bed on weekens at crack of dawn,jumping on us,poking our eyes to wake us up.I was going to break up with him,because I was cooking them meals,making cookies with them,playing with them,doing crafts,watching movies,dancing,going to parks & I was so disrespected.He finally put his foot down & started taking the initiative.I told him children have to have pretty strick guidelines & consistant discipline.He alway sfelt bad for not living with them so he said he was going to get harder on them as time went on.I said it doesn't work that way.I had raised four daughters of my own,one was a neice.I knew what all this was about!You treat them like monkeys in a zoo,they will act like it also1 Also let me add when he was dating his x,Ali was just 2 & he & his family said she was most uncontrolable.She threw major hotheaded temper tantrums & had no structure or discipline in her life till he came in. He changed that child around.She turned out pretty descent.
How can this outcome be?Is this common?How can a child decide such a thing so young?Oh I also need to add,she had been acting different past few months,not taking part in funtime so much,distant acting.She also has always acted ancy if she didn't talk to her mother while here.WHen her dad went to the bathroom or somewhere,I would see her sneak the phone & whisper to her mom for a while.The mother would also call every time we had her & give her much instruction...on what I don't know? I would here her whisper in the distance,yes,ya,ok,ok,& sit quietly while her mom talked for minutes. Also Ali was asking about christmas time some questions about life,where is dad in my first 2 year pics,etc. His x said she is going to tell her he is not her bio father,but not with him there too,as originally planned.
Anyone been through something similar?Any helpful or encouraging advice?
Thanks so much!All help is GREATLY appreciated.
Sincerely,
Beccashine