My boyfriend and I reconciled and married last year. We now have a baby together and each have a child from previous marriages. At times I feel hopeful about us becoming a family, and at other times I feel hopeless, unloved, betrayed, and disrespected.

My husband and I made decisions when we reconciled. Some things were absolute deal breakers for me. We decided to have a baby, combine finances, buy a home together, and he promised me that we'd raise our children together. Well, we did marry and have a child together, but after I was in the process of getting rid of my place, he said he did not want to leave his place but that we could make it a home for all of us and he'd also put it in both our names. He said we should stay there to save money and pay off debt. I reluctantly conceded and did my part by moving in and meshing our things so we'd all feel part of the house. I feel like he has not done what he said he'd do. He has kept the house and utilities in his name only. I do not wish to take anything away from him but want to be a contributing partner in the home. It's an issue of principle. I am a professional with a full-time job. I feel like an outsider there. I have no position as an adult. I live there but essentially feel locked out. He has told me that he refuses to combine finances. I refuse to essentially be his roomate and write him a check for half of the bills. I feel like a hostage there.

Not only that, but his child has been told that he does not have to be respectful to me and I'm reprimanded in their presence if I nicely ask him to pick up his things that he left scattered all over the house. I don't ask for any assistance from the child only that they have the same responsibilities that my child has and to learn some responsibility by picking up after themseleves. He has no problem in telling my child that she cannot leave anything in the living room. Ironic, huh? I'm rarely consulted about family outtings or dinner plans. He and the son make the plans and the rest of us are expected to go along. It's like he and his child are the adults and my daughter and I are invisible.

It's becoming a miserable situation. We are fighting more often as nothing is ever resolved and we can't calmly discuss how to work things out. He becomes overly defensive, gets irate, and even leaves the bedroom for the whole night or leaves the house for several hours and I am unable to reach him. It's like he knows what he is doing isn't right but is unable to get through past hurt from a previous marriage. I'm left to suffer the consequences of the baggage he carries around with him. The stress is affecting me physically. Help me please! I know the money thing is a problem for him, but aren't we in this impasse because he changed directions? I feel so betrayed and alone. I don't want us to hurt. I want to set a good example for all of our children and especially don't want the baby to be out in the middle of this unhealthy situation. I've been seeking the help of a professional counselor to make our lives better but he refuses to go. I honestly want the best for everyone in our home, wherever we may live. He's making me feel resentful and angry. I don't want anyone to feel that way.