Husband omits activities with SD
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I just accidently found out that my husband is spending the day with SD. I am confused as to why he didn't bother to mention it to me since it's not his custodial day. I gave him a chance to tell me but he didn't. Anytime anything comes up about her he becomes very defensive for no reason. I don't understand. She is off limits to me but he takes free reign over my child. I thought we were supposed to be a family? Why does he act like this? What other secrets is he keeping from me? I have seen other posts about the SD having more power in the house. It's this way at our home also. Why can't he communicate?
My DH does the same crap...
My DH does the same crap... we have no set visitation and I'll find out that he planned on having SS come on a Friday 3 days prior, but says not a word to me like ...Oh, by the way, I'm picking SS up after school on Friday and he's going to spend the night. It drives me nuts and I've asked him to at least just give me the heads up, but he doesn't understand why... he says what difference does it make and I guess he's right I mean what I am going to say when he tells me.. OK?? I told him it just makes me feel like he's sneaking around making plans behind my back.
But in DH's defense, unless he is going out of town or something he doesn't tell me every little thing he is doing with his friends either.. whether it is planned or not, I guess it's just his way??
Sometimes though I think he purposely does not tell me because he knows that I will make plans to do something else if I know ahead of time that skids will be there because I just don't like being around when they are there. Who knows?
What is the reason for this?
What is the reason for this? How do I handle situations like this when they occur.
This is very common and not a
This is very common and not a good sign at all. They are basically saying that "what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine"
Very unhealthy and very selfish. My "SO" Godsgift has been this way for almost eight years now. NOT having a set schedule is an open opportunity for the BM to start PASing out the children and turning them against you and biodad. In turn, Biodad reacts by playing "disney dad" not enforcing any rules, structure, no discipline for HIS kids. . you get the picture.
Whereas YOUR kid are open season! He will make them march to HIS orders but you are not to say a thing about his kids.
I feel that this sort of thinking can never be fixed or changed and it's best to "cut bait and run."
The ONLY reason I'm still with my "SO" is that I stupidly financially entrapped myself into buying a house so that he could be closer to his spawn. Which turned out very badly.
WOW! First let me say I am
WOW! First let me say I am going thru the same thing. I was enlightened about it when I decided to speak to BM as she is having the same issues in her home with the child not wanting to listen to her SO either. First, by there not being the same rules for the child your husband is simpling trying to show his power over the situation. I am having this same problem and it always results in us arguing. He simply wants his child to see that he is in charge. Yes this may be selfish but many people simple cannot and will not love another person's child over their own. It would be ideal to treat them equally but it won't happen. I have only been doing this for 3 years now; refuse to get tied down any more than I already am. I see this as a very bad thing...red flag and it is not changing. I also noticed if my children get hurt or something's wrong there isn't as much or no comfort but when his has a problem he runs over and pampers him like he's the prince of egypt. At first I could not believe it; because when he saw me do this to my son he said I was making him a "sissy". It's not ever going to be the same. First because they want their child to know they are in control; second because they are being selfish; and lastly because they will always have that sense of guilt because that child who is there's is not living under their roof not reaping their benefits. I was given advise from a few friends...just raise your own. I don't think its right by any means but in order to keep the peace for now that is just what I intend to do. Where my children are concerned he has learned he is not to talk to my children unless the same rule applies to his child. That is the way we keep it.
WOW I'm really happy this blog exists. I felt like the only one who was dealing with this kind of situation.
My DH will let me know about
My DH will let me know about a day or two in advance that his daughter has decided to spend the summer with us. Sooo nice that it was HER decision and I wasn't even consulted! That happened last summer but it won't be happening this summer because we've already had our fights about it. He told me yesterday he will give her a key if she wants to stay in his house. I told him it's not HIS house, it's OUR house and I demand to be consulted ahead of time, before even telling her yes. I also said I really don't want her staying with us because we only have a two bedroom house now, and that means his son's room and our room. I don't want his daughter on the couch. This is where I work and live, too.
Where do these asses get off??
I told DH that if he wanted to operate his life as if he was still married to his ex, he should still be married to her. I am not her and these are not my kids, and as such, I demand respect in my own home.
It really sucks to have to engage in this battle to protect ourselves.
Some are because they think
Some are because they think its not your concern. Especially if you moved into their house. My SO does the same. No regard for me at all. To top it off because I am home they think they have a baby sitter when ever the child is sick. No asking; no regard for the other kids. It sickens me. The the other day SO had the nerve to tell me he doesn't think I like his child because I am hard on his child, shoot if the child listened it would be great but step child is a brat and knows exactly what is happening....I had to tell him about what I observed and told SO if I was sooo bad why is it that I am their nanny when ever they feel the need. That stops here. You cannot be helpful either in these situations because it doesn't work both ways. I have tried but when I saw it didn't go the same for mine I backed off and left his alone. I have decided that if I don't see change soon I am gone. One of my children in particular is really miserable over it and I refuse to sacrifice mine for his. That is not right. If it can't be equal then it just can't be.
He tells me now that I'm a
He tells me now that I'm a control freak. But, what exactly do I have control over? He holds all the cards!