Need help fast!
Hello everyone! I'm just going to put it out there that I may sound awful through this but I'm trying to be as honest as possible to get some advise that will actually help!
My husband and I have been married for a year and we have an 8 month old son. When he and I first met I didn't have any issues with his children 8 and 5 whom he ony sees once a week. It made him happy so it made me happy. When we found out we were expecting I was in shock... Being that I was told it would be very difficult for me to have children... Nor did I want them. As I stepped into my mothering role I Egan feeling angry, resentful, and sad because this was not the life I wanted. I wanted my husband and my family not his kids.
Now as the year progressed it grew worse. I wouldn't even speak to his kids and I was so mad when they were at our home I yelled at him when they left. Now that our son is here I am getting better....slowly. I just can't get over the fact that I don't want these kids. I want my husband but not them. See part of my issues are that he feels so guilty about only seeing them once that when they are here he completely ignores our son and let's them do whatever they want! Going against all kinds of parenting choices we have made for our son. I know he doesn't understand it now but he will and it makes me mad that he will be treated differently.
Also, the ex is worthless. She gave these kids to her parents to raise but still collects the child support, which I might add is slowly putting us into bankruptcy.... Another issue I have when I see these kids. I know it's not there fault but why did he have to make those choices!! Does anyone else feel this way? How do you get passed it! To add to my issues she calls once monthly to see if we've sent her to money to pay for her range rover! I get mad just thinking about it!
Now that you have some background here's my current problem....as if I didn't have enough. The grandparents are throwing a bday party for these kids. Of course I want my husband to go this is the first time he's been invited in 4 years. However, if I go I know I will be uncomfortable and angry and he will be stressed wondering what I am felling.....we've talked about my issues but he doesn't understand. If I don't go my husband is surrounded by his ex( who tried to get him to go stay at a hotel together while we were engaged!) and her family. She will talk to him about god knows what and he won't tell me because he doesn't want me to get mad! Which will make me mad.
I want to support him but I don't know what to do! It feels like either way is a bad decision. Please help!
I have sympathy for you. I am
I have sympathy for you. I am curious to know... How long did you guys date before getting hitched? And are your skids well-behaved and do they treat your bio with brotherly love?
I am not discounting your feelings about you skids, but I find it a little interesting that you were fine with them until your pregnancy.I am wondering if the pregnancy hormonal shift is playing into this. But aside from any possible etiology, I think it sux that your husband is so secretive and may not tell you what went down at the b-day party. And speaking of the party, if it is BM's parents throwing the party, I wouldn't be ok with him going. And if it is his parents that are throwing the party, wtf did they invite BM for??????
Anyway, I think you should talk to your DH about your feelings. Put it out there and just get it off your chest. Do it over a glass of wine when the two of you can really discuss everthing like mature adults. I think you will feel a lot better!!
You and your husband should
You and your husband should make your own birthday party for them at your home. If not I think you should go (have a few drinks to calm you down first
and be by your DH the whole time. I could never leave my DH knowing the BM will be at the sample place. Good luck!
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your advise! To those who are interested I do think pregnancy played a role. I began to feel like we wouldn't be as important to my DH as his others and because of his guilt with their life style & he has made that the case when they are here we are totally on the back burner. And it's no so much that they are terrible kids, they just don't have the attitudes and values that we want to instill in our son; and my DH does nothing to change their behavior so my som has all these rules and they have none. I know my BS doesn't know yet but he will someday and it bothers me.
I guess overall I blame these kids for the problems that have arisen between DH and I due to their presence. I feel like I could someday rebuild my view of them but if DH won't help I don't know how to do it on my own!
Also I am dealing with the fact that this was not what I wanted in life. I just want me my husband and now our son. But that's not what I have so venting and talking through my issues are helping but I can't help t just be annoyed when his kids are here. I guess that might go away on time.
As for the bday party goes the BMs parents raise the kids because she is worthless! So the kids basically see BM and DH as relatives not parents that's why they are throwing it all at once. I think I'm going to go. Drink first but go. Support my husband and show that evil BM that im not going anywhere regardless of what she tries to do. I'll let you know how it goes!