Need Honest Opinion
Okay my husband and I have been married and he has 1 daughter that is 6 and I have 1 daughter that is 8......my ex is not in the picture so we don't have to deal with anything from him .....but his ex oh my his ex......she turns the child against us and she fought for every possible thing on the divorce decree.....to the point that we have to do all transportation back and fourth.....today he was 3 mins late to get the child and she denied the vitiation.......the child honestly doesn't want to come to our house......she kicks and screams and cries and has to be put in the car.....then she just tells us how much she hates us and wants to go home to her family....(her mom her fiancée and his 3 kids she calls the fiancée daddy) my husband has not really been a apart of his daughters life.....not willingly he is in the army and out of 6 years and spent maybe 2 years with his daughter and every time he was deployed his wife has a new boyfriend that I am sure the kid was calling daddy......we are at the point its extremely stressful for all of us she doesn't want to come and every single time we have to communicate with the BM its drama drama drama......I feel as though we are disrupting her life when she has to come visit us.....she has a family at her house and it doesn't include us.....we are just a inconceivable for her.....she tells us that all the time and the whole weekend she asks to go home......I get so tired of seeing the hurt on my husbands face and my daughters face.....she has behavior issues and we work on them when she is here but it does not good when she comes back she does the same crap.....like she just randomly kicked my daughter in the chest the other day we asked why and she said cause I wanted her out of my room......we said did you ask? and she said no I just started kicking her......so now im at the point that my daughter is physically getting hurt because of her.....we have been thinking and considering it but his parents are pressuring him not to and some friends say it would be messed up if he did it......but they are not in our situation the reason we want to sign over our rights is because we think it is best for her.....she has a family already......she wants nothing to do with us....we are pulling her away from her family every other weekend and she hates us for it......I would not allow my husband to consider it if it was just for financial reasons or because he was a dead beat dad........so whats your thoughts.....the BM is wako and the kid is becoming just as wako and bm does everything possible to make our life hell......should we sign his rights over so that she can be with the family she wants to be with or do we continue to force her to be with us every other weekend?
That's really tough and a
That's really tough and a decision only he should make. You don't want him to regret it later and say that you pushed him into it or swayed his decision. That is his child and I'm sure he loves her despite everything. If he does decide to sign her over, I think he should first talk it over with his daughter. Let her know that he wants to be a part of her life but feels she is not interested. Let her know that he wants to make her happy but would also like to see her. Sometimes when visitation is forced on a child, it makes them angry and the visit turns sour because of it. Maybe when she is given the choice to visit, she may be more likely to go as it's more on her terms. I'd just hate for him to sign his rights over and then have his daughter take it as a sign that he no longer wants her which isn't the case. She may be testing him right now as children often do when parents are divorced. They blame one or both parents for leaving each other and act out as a way to test them and see if they will leave their child too.
yea I have been there my mom
yea I have been there my mom signed her rights over to my dad when I was a kid.....we talked to her when she was throwing a fit about coming....we asked her if she wanted to come to our house she said no.....we asked her do you never want to come to our house again.....she yelled I want to be with my family not you.......she never calls him to say good night or talks to him on the phone when she is at her moms......but when she is here she asks to call her mom several times a day and then he has to hear her call the man on the other end of the phone daddy.......she has toild us she never wants to come back to our house and she doesnt want to be here.....we asked how come she doesnt call and tell daddy goodnight and she says cause she doesn't miss him or want to tell him good night but when at our house she wants to call her mom and her soon to be step dad and brothers and sister and tell them good night
Get the book "Divorce Poison"
Get the book "Divorce Poison" pronto!!
Also check out web site "the psycho ex wife", they have divorce coaches on their site and a lot of information for dealing effectively with a psycho BM.
Good luck
Oh, my heart goes out to you
Oh, my heart goes out to you and your husband. I can't even imagine how painful that must be. In this situation, I'm not sure what I would do. It sounds like she is getting more resentful by the day and now your daughter is starting to be physically affected as well. As a previous poster said, though, I would make sure that it's a decision your husband makes on his own and explains to his daughter that he will always be there if she has a change of heart in the future or ever wants to call or talk.
Just to add..... last night
Just to add..... last night wasd our visitation time and hubby is supposed to pick her up from her bus stop at 3 well he made it there at 3:03 and she wouldn't let us get her because we were not exactly on time and I guess legally she can.....our attorney is even done with the situation.....we called the attorney and he was like you guys need to figure something out because she is being ridiculous......but we can't control what she does......and its just hurting the child more and more......if she expected to come to our house yesterday then she seen her mom say nope she can't go cause your 3 mins late.....so it just confuses her more and more.....her mother is not willing to give a inch but expects us to give a mile.....we asked her about the singing over last night and she was quick to respond.....but we will only do it with certain stipulations.....such as my husband family can still have contact with her maybe a few scheduled visits a year......she said she wouldn't promise that because as soon as her fiancee' has the chance to change duty stations she is moving out of the country......so its best to do anyways she is just trying to keep her away from us.....but I am sure she will agree that his family can have scheduled visits and that we can continue contact when the step daughter wants it and we can send cards and etc.... would kind of be like a open adoption.....and at the point in time she gets older and she wants to be a part of our life then she can argue with her mom with it about it.....but at this point in time she tells us she doesn't want to be a part of our life and wants her family so we are giving her what she wants....and I do agree about the child support thing we are paying $940 a month as it is and she is fighting for more! While their divorce decree was waiting to be sent from the court from dec-mar she wants BAH (army housing allowance) and child support which would be a total of $1940 a month she is just a money hungry bitch.....she went after more of his retirement after she already got like 37% when she didn't deserve any of it....he said he didn't mind paying her some of his retirement if she had a nice faithful loving wife.....but she was a lying cheating wife.......I am very anti signing over rights as my mom signed her rights over to me when I was a child but we have a great relationship now......I would not allow him to do it if he were just being a dead beat....I only agree to him doing it because I truly think it is best for the child.......I just want others opinions other then family and friends that don't get the situation because they don't see it every day and none are step parents or in the situation
s far as asking her and not
s far as asking her and not forcing the visit she will never decide to come on her own.....before the divorce and they actually have a visitation schedule is writing she kept her away from us for almost 2 months.....when we finally got to see her again we were excited and we asked her if she missed us and she said no.......we asked her if she asked mommy if she could come to daddys house and she said no because she doesn't want to come to daddys house.....while her moms boyfriend was deployed she used to call and tell my husband goodnight every night but after her moms boyfriend came back she doesn't do that anymore cause she has her "daddy" home......so stopped wanting to come to our house and call and etc... when her moms bf came back and she then had her daddy figure in her house....her mom had been having a affair for about 3 years while my husband was deployed so secretly while my husband was off fighting for our country his wife was cheating on him and his daughter developed a relationship with her moms boyfriend mom then she did my husband.....and it wasn't something that my husband choose he had no choice the army says go and he must go and in return he was never able to bond with his daughter......his wife decided to cheat and the man she was cheating with was able to see my SD more then my husband so we get that she sees him as dad......and we get that she seens her mom.....her step dad and his kids as her family.....and we are just the people she is made to come see every 1st 3rd and 5th weekend of the month we take her away from her actual family.
yet another weekend that we
yet another weekend that we didn't get to see SD.....neither of us can make it to her school by 3pm as hubby typically doesn't get off until later and I have to be at my daughters school at 3pm to get her.....hubby made it there yesterday at 3:05 but was denied the visit cause of being 5 minutes late.....today he made it by 3:15 and was denied the whole weekend visit.... the BM thinks its best for hubby to sign rights over and she is willing to forfeit child support until child is adopted by step father.....and for the money hungry whore thats saying something.....I get why she is trying to keep the child away from us because if it truly hurts the child when she is forced to visit with us then she is doing her motherly job by protecting her....but she doesn't deny the $940 child support she gets every month......most people would say any dad willing to sign his child over is dead beat but my husband is not even close to that....I wouldn't be with him if he were.....he has made every effort to be a part of his daughters life since they seperated when his daughter didn't want to come see him he signed her up for therapy to see if that helped and it didn't help.....he goes to doctors appointments with the BM to he knows whats going on medically he goes to school events always pays his child support.....she has her own room decorated how she wants it a dresser full of clothes and toy box full of toys....and shamefully when shes here we give her more attention then my daughter only because we don't get to see her that often.....but she just doesn't know him as dad so its like she is coming to a babysitters house when he mom would allow her and of course she doesn't want us......we know that her mom bad mouths my husband in front of her we don't know exactly what she says but we do know she told her that my husband stole their dog.......which never happened not even remotely in fact the dog is at their house and has always been at their house.....when they divorced he left everything in the house and didn't take anything but his clothes and started over and got a 2 bedroom apartment so that she always had her own room and furnished it and decorated it for her......but thing with BM forfeiting child support is.....if he is signing over his rights because she knows someone else as daddy and she calls someone else daddy and he thinks of her as his child then why should my husband have to continue to support her.....it would be silly for him to sign his rights over and not be a part of her life because he is doing what is best for her and allowing someone else to be her dad then that person should take on the full father figure and financially support her too......if we were a mom and dad family with 2 kids no divorce in the picture then we don't have some random person supporting our kids......so if he signed his rights over to allow her to be with her mom and who she knows as dad why would he financially support her when someone else is her dad......I don't get how people think thats so awful.....yes it does happen some men sign their rights over because they don't want to support their child and in that case they are dead beats and deserve to have their rights taken away and have to continue to support the child because they are not worthy of being part of the childs life.....I guess its a sad realty that most states separate families by divorce.....I believe 50/50 custody should be automatic unless one part or another is deemed unfit and no child support ordered as your both supporting the child 50/50 but generally the automatic order is mom is primary and dad gets the child every other weekend which isn't fair.....if the court believes that a child deserves a mother and father then why not automatically 50/50? unless mileage separates the mom and dad which is the case sometimes but most cases mom and dad live in same city......my posts are normally always long and tend to ramble but your all I got to vent to! lol so suffer with me!