Am I a horrible person
So Hi I was on another site and got blasted and I'm hoping for more constructive helpful advice and maybe understanding. I am getting married in October and we are expecting our first baby in July. My fiance has an almost 3 yr old who lives with her maternal grandmother and he and his family get visitation. The ex is not in the picture at all currently. Since becoming pregnant I feel a little jealous (?) of his current daughter. I think I am feeling like this bc it seems like since becoming pregnant he is more interested in her than our baby that we very much wanted and planned for after a horrible miscarriage. It makes me feel like our baby is in competition almost with what will be his or her half sister. Like I will be talking about the baby and they will turn the convo back to SD like they're more interested in her. My MIL a couple months back said to me, that "it's just not as exciting this time, bc this isn't the first grandbaby". My fiance has also been talking about getting more custody or visitation but I know if he does that I will be the primary caregiver to SD since I am going to be a SAHM once our baby arrives, which I don't think is fair to our baby to have to share me. I would just like time with my baby before pursuing custody more, yet when I bring that up to fiance he acts like I am just being mean for no reason. We really have a good relationship and this is the only thing we disagree on and I hate it! I don't know if it's hormonal or why but I hate feeling like this and I hate feeling like I am a horrible person for feeling like this. Well thank you for letting me get it out. 
I was in the same boat
I was in the same boat sister. My DH has a daughter8 and a son6, with 2 different women. We got married and planned our pregnancy and that I would be a SAHM as well. I went on "bedrest" at 6months but had SS who was 5 at the time everyday all day, as well as SD who was 7. I was so overwhelmed and it got worse after I had the baby in June. I got 3 kids all at once and all I wanted to do was bond with my new baby girl. It was partially my fault for not voicing my opinion. I think if you're having these feelings now then it needs to be addressed now and taken care of because when your baby gets here it gets harder to handle other kids that are pretty foreign to you when you're sleep deprived.
littlemommy first off your
littlemommy first off your MIL is an asshole to make that comment that they are just not as excited because this is not the first - who cares if this is the 20th grandchild - every child is new and different - I come from a large family and there are about 62 grandchildren and when my mother was alive she was just as excited for the 62nd grandchild as she was for the first so that was completely rude and uncalled for. As for your finance wanting more time with his daughter then is he taking her when he will be home to watch her or is he expecting you to watch her because tell him that if he wants more time fine but if he wants more custody so that you can be home alone watching so not okay - I love how these men want to look good taking these kids but then they shove them off on the SM's - drives me crazy -
Anyway Congrats on the baby and stand firm and stick to your guns about wanting time alone with the baby and I would keep MIL away from the baby as well and when she asks why say - Oh I did not think you wanted to see the baby since it is not the first - stand up for yourself and express your feelings or you are going to start to feel like the nanny and the maid and not the wife.
Congrats! And NO you are not
Congrats! And NO you are not a horrible person.
I don't know how I would handle the situation. On the one hand I would want to be supportive of DH getting additional visitation or custody of his first child. But on the other hand, your feelings are completely natural, and dealing with a new baby is a huge deal, but so is dealing with a stepchild that is relatively new to you... especially a toddler. I don't think you should have to go through that. I hope you can talk to DH and explain that you feel you would just be too overwhelmed with being primary caregiver to 2 kids.
Good luck!
Thank you all so much that
Thank you all so much that makes me feel so much better! On another site people said that I should forget about being a SAHM and 'put my baby in a $25 used Pack N Play, if that's what it takes to pay legal fees for custody'?!? Like seriously, how is that fair?
You must have been on the BM
You must have been on the BM runned iVillage - a horrible place to be!!! Like those bitches with their children sucking the life and money out of the daddy's would ever think to put their child in a $25.00 pack and play - it amazes me that they thing their children are so much more special than the children of the second marriage cause they were there first - if the idiots would love their children more than they hate their exes we would not be on this site for the most part - so stay here and stay away from iVillage!!
the blended family forum on
the blended family forum on The Bump is really bad too, that's actually where someone mentioned the pack and play idea. I seriously couldn't believe how one sided and nasty they were. Thank you for being so welcoming and understanding, looks like I have found a home
I can't wait till the BEAUTIFUL BRAND NEW crib/dresser set I'm ordering this week comes in lol.
You go girl - when I had DD5
You go girl - when I had DD5 money was very tight and we got the floor model of the crib and I found a changing table at a garage sale and we used an old dresser so the room was very mismatched - it was all white and pastels because I knew I was having a girl but none of the furniture matched - so I was a little upset because when SS was born BM got top of the line of everything because DH was making great money back then - but now we are doing very well and while I did not have everything I wanted when DD5 was born - now that she knows what is going on I can give her everything she needs and some of the things she wants - and we go on nicer vacations now that she is older and can behave better - but in the beginning it was tough but I always tell DH that I did not marry him for his money (because I would have had to marry BM she got it all - lol) but I married him for the man I knew he would be - he is quite ambitious and not afraid of hard work and taking risks and it has really paid off for us - so I would rather have all the nice things now when DD knows what is happening rather than when she was born and had not clue - only I knew it was not the best. So you enjoy that baby and tell your DH to step off the custody for a while - take care!
And how exactly is the best
:? And how exactly is the best way to phrase it to fiance without coming off like a big meanie? This will more than likely be our only baby and I want him/her to have the perfect little nursery and not sleep in our room till she's 2 while SD gets the other full bedroom to herself
Oh yes!! I know this
Oh yes!! I know this feeling......First Congrats!!
I remember telling my DH's mother. I was sitting next to him when he told her and I could hear her scream......OH God no........why!!
REALLY; what the hell...
Well 12 years and a total of 4 kids later.......
Sadly the jealousy thing NEVER goes away. I feel like second best to his princess and I always have. I can see differences in a bunch of things. My BD12 is not his BD..........She does not know this and I have a feeling when she finds out; she will say.........."oh that's why I got treated diff."
This feeling is a ME thing though; I have to either live with this feeling or move on. DH knows how I feel and he says I am stupid for feeling this way and that I am his Number one........
But it is just how I FEEL.