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BM babying too much?

k8tie's picture

Submitted by k8tie on Wed, 02/09/2011 - 4:55pm

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Has anyone ever mentioned or said anything to the BM for "babying" your SK too much? I have never spoke to BM about it but my husband can totally tell when I dont approve of anything as soon as we leave her house. I guess he can read my mind lol I just cringe and bite my tongue when BM opens the door with SD on her hip like a 1 year old. Would it be wrong to try to get information from SD on what goes on at BM's house or just listen if she says anything? I only know from what I can see and what SD has mentioned but I have never asked her directly. I dont want to say she is doing anything abusive but, if she is babying her, thats going to cause issues when she gets older right? It's definatly affecting the way she acts when she is with us because she throws tantrums when I dont cater to her like mom does. Helping her with things is one thing but carrying and physically dressing and feeding her is a bit over the top. Does she not want her to grow up? Does she think she can keep her a baby? Thats what I am seeing. I wouldnt be a bit surprised if she was still in a crib there!!! I wouldnt put it past BM at all. But I did find out about 6 months ago that she still sat in a high chair but I dont know if she still does or not.

Katie

Madam Hedgehog's picture

Submitted by Madam Hedgehog on Wed, 02/09/2011 - 5:00pm

The first thing we need to know is how old SD is. I think that will clear up some other issues.

With that said, I think babying is problematic at any age. I have no idea why so many parents feel it's appropriate to cripple their kids by doing everything for them. It's definitely not healthy.

Generally, I think it's a bad idea to say anything at all to BM . . . ever. lol. But that may just be my specific situation. It really depends on your relationship with DH and with BM. In most circumstances, though, I think the best you can do is make sure SD understands there are very different rules in your home. When she gets to school and there are different rules there too (I doubt teachers dealing w/ 30+ kids will have time to baby her) then she should start to realize not everyone's going to treat her like an infant.

k8tie's picture

Submitted by k8tie on Wed, 02/09/2011 - 5:20pm

Sorry, she is 7. The BM and I get along for the most part. I mean we arent at each others throats or anything like that. We talk on the phone about schedules, pick up/drop off times, dr apts etc. I do know that she never acts that way in front of her friends or at school. She loves school and I have never had a problem regarding an issue at school for whatever reason.

Katie

k8tie's picture

Submitted by k8tie on Wed, 02/09/2011 - 5:49pm

I see kids all the time older then that at the mall still in strollers dragging their feet on the ground. She does the but mom lets me do that and mom lets me do this or mom does that for me and so on. Its hard when I dont have a choice but to step in and do it myself especially in the mornings when she dawdles before school. Dad was always giving in and doing things for her but after numerous talks with him, that has tapered off ALOT. I guess he saw what it was doing to her AND ME. Its the same here with the adjustment period, its usually a day or 2 before she sees I am not going to cater to her like she was 2.

Katie

k8tie's picture

Submitted by k8tie on Thu, 02/10/2011 - 9:10am

This morning was yet another fight with SD7! She refused to get out of bed and then refused to get dressed. Every 5 minutes I told her she needed to get dressed. She didnt get breakfast this morning because the rule here is that she MUST be changed out of her pj's before she leaves her room because of her "forgetting" to change out of her pee soaked pj's and then deciding to lay on the couch to watch TV. She did that ALL the time on the weekends and I have to watch her because she will sometimes get up before us and I will find her on the couch. I have threatened many times to send her to school in her pj's but, what if threatening doesnt work? Has anyone ever actually got them in the car still in their pj's? Dad is already gone for work long before either of us get up so I am the one that has to deal with this almost every morning. Also, what can I do if she refuses to take a shower in the morning?? I cant send her to school smelling like pee. Do I have to physically have to bring her in the bathroom and put her in the shower?? HELP!!

Katie