parenting from afar...
Being new to this site, I wanted to post a specific question to gauge whether my SO and I are crazy...
I have been with my SO for about 5 years and recently purchased a home in his hometown (we live about an hour apart). I did this so he and his two kids could be in a house rather than a small apartment, which initially made them all MUCH happier. I still have my first home that is closer to my work, so sometimes stay there during the week.
One or two nights a week, I will take a bus out to my SO's town and we stay (with the boys) in the house together. This means that my SO has to get up at 6am and drive me 2 miles to my bus stop so I can go to work. Well, the BM found out about this and threw a fit!! Saying that my SO was being a bad parent leaving the 12 year old and 8 year old home alone for the 10 minutes it took to drive me to the bus. That the house could burn down and they would be asleep and die and it would be all my fault. So we started waking them up right before we left and taking them with us. So now she throws and even bigger fit, saying that we are bad parents because we are putting our own needs above the children's. She sends the oldest (12) text messages saying things like "i begged your father not to take you to the bus" and "that's great, she is putting your lives in danger for her own benefit". I know technically anytime you are riding in a car you are at risk for getting into an accident, but seriously??? It really affects the 12 year old. We tell him that we have to work to put food on the table and pay for the house, but he just doesn't get it. He thinks (straight from his BM's mouth) that his BF should take time off work to spend with the kids when he has them (50% of the time), even if it is during the week. So according to BM logic, my SO can't have a job. I think she's certifiably a whack job. But on a serious note, we are really struggling with how to deal with her craziness!!!
She does work, but has a
She does work, but has a 'county' job so she can 'work from home' most days. We get frustrated because she always brags to the kids that she only has to work 1 hour a day and gets paid for 8 and her boss doesn't even know it. It's always been her goal in her life to have a lax job and she is very proud of it.
My SO and I are each very hard working professionals who work at least 40/week. It's frustrating to hear the boys (12 and
say their goal is to have a lazy job like mommy's. We are constantly trying to instill work ethic in them, but its an uphill battle. ugh.
If I were your SO I would
If I were your SO I would tell her that if she sent critical texts to the 12yo during my parenting time, the cell phone would not be available to her as a form of communication. It's very important that the parents not badmouth each other to the kids.
What she is doing is passive aggressively objecting to your relationship by trying to make it sound like he's slacking on parenting to be with you. He isn't. He needs to stop responding to this. She's doing it to engage him. He should let her know, once, in writing, that his personal life is no longer any of her business. Then just don't discuss it with her from now on. Teach the kids the phrase "Take it up with dad."
I dont think you will ever be
I dont think you will ever be able to do the right thing by this crazy bitch. Ignore her shit... the kids are not with her and therefore she is not in control and it is driving her nuts. Get on with your life and completely ignore it. She is mental