My "Lovely" Spoiled Manipulating Step daughter!
I have known my SD since she was five. She is now eleven years old. When I met her she was extremely spoiled because everyone felt bad for the horrible divorce her father and mother had. She had my husband "wrapped" around her little finger controlling every move he made. She was the type that would cry and throw fits if things weren't what she wanted. She has always complained that her BM never paid any attention to her, ignoring her while she watched TV all the time. She always complained about how unhappy she was there. We invested so much time over the past 6 years, trying to give her different tools to help her. She also would come to our house telling us how jealous she was of my son and of how happy we all were because things were not like that at mommy's. We also kept catching her lying about a lot of different issues. One time she bit my son in the back seat and when we asked her what happened, she denied it even though he was crying and bleeding. Throughout all of this she continued to tell us how horrible things were at her BM home. We do not get along with her BM for many other reasons, but all these stories made us dislike her even worse. We finally convinced the BM that my SD needed counseling. When she started counseling, our SD would tell us how afraid she was of her mother and that her and her mother were lying to the counselor. This week our SD told us that she "threw us under the bus" by telling the counselor that she didn't really want to write in her journal (at our house), even though this was her idea. I was infuriated and just so tired of all this. Something just didn't add up! I called her SF and had a long talk about both households and found out she was going to her BM home and telling them quite the story about us. According to my SD my house was too mean to her and she was "in trouble" all the time for absolutely "nothing". I was mortified. The SF was equally mortified when I shared the things my SD was saying about his household. Come to find out she was lying to both households. I am sure this is nothing new, but I don't get this. According to my SD, who when confronted admitted this was true, said she did it to make us all feel sorry for her so that she would get all our attention. I am so upset and don't know where to go from here. How do I trust this kid? We have such a laid back, harmonious home and she has always just made it so tense. I just don't know where to go from here. Please help...
A lot of skids play this
A lot of skids play this game, its how they end up like kings and queens. Good for you for alerting the other side to what she's doing, maybe now you all can come to a consensus as to what should be done.
I have the same problem. I
I have the same problem. I would just say try and keep the lines of communication open between both households if possible. When these kids act like this they count on the fact that their story will probably never be checked out.
It will be easier now, if you
It will be easier now, if you are all on the same page. It is when she is able to manipulate one household into believing the lies, that you have problems. That is what SD did to us. Now because we are so mean and have too many rules, mommy bought it and is suing for full custody. Good luck, if you have a repor with her SF than keep telling him everything and eventually she may stop.
My daughter was so bad about
My daughter was so bad about the very same thing, did it into her adult years, all for the support and sympathy. These children can be very convincing too. I am glad you had a good conversation with SD and I hope the communication lines stay open.
Holy, moley! Same story,
Holy, moley! Same story, though not as bad! Keep talking to the other house hold. It's the only way. My sd14 played me an her sm from her bd s house against each other too. Recurring behaviour in most blended families then? That's kinda good to hear, I guess. :s
Right on! But prepare for
Right on! But prepare for fireworks! There's nothing like a kid that's been caught out lying! :jawdrop:
This was my life as well.
This was my life as well. SS12.5 played this game for years. Started when he was able to put a sentence together. Like you, dh and I didnt really like bm and vice versa so it was easy to believe all of the crap. She did do a few things wrong as well so that definitiely put us over the top and we believed everything he said-we never had a clue that he was telling bm all sorts of stuff (mostly about me). When ss was about 9, i starte figuring out that he was making stuff up about bm (still didnt know he was talking about me)-so I stopped listening to him and did not allow him to talk about bm-however it took years more for bm and dh to realize what was going on. It was later that year (when ss was 9)that I realized ss was talking trash about me-he moved out of our home around that time due to dh's military service and bm had called dh and told him she felt I had abused her son and that she needed to protect him from me. I about died. I had no idea. About a year ago, she finally told dh that she realized that ss made it all up=in fact he wrote her like a 10 page letter apologizing to HER for all the stories he made up about me (he was in therapy at the time). So things are a little better now-BUT dh and bm still fall into the trap occassionally of believing him. He still tries to manipulate-not nearly as much-and for the most part dh and bm dont fall for it, but occassionally they still do. He doesnt try to manipulate me at all because he no longer speaks to me. Good luck-just don't believe her any more and dont play into it-when ss was younger I used to pick up the phone when he told me somthing about bm and I would tell him-this info upsets me alot I am going to call bm right now and ask her about it and he would freak and say he made it up.
I had the same problem when
I had the same problem when my SD's were younger too. They play you against each other to see what they can get out of it and get away with. I believe this happens in most cases, they eventually will grow out of it (hopefully) In the meantime, I agree with the other posters to keep the lines of communication open between all the households. When I started talking to the BM on a regular basis it stopped and they felt stupid when I confronted them a few times with their lying.
Good Luck to you!