Desperate for advise!! Please help!!!!
BM has done it this time!! BM...love those initials BTW!!
She is a disgusting human being to begin with. Has a 2 year old with her current husband and the 8 year old that DH and I raise. A little more of a background...she is on drugs, an alcoholic. Her current husband keeps trying to kick her out and wants her to be gone. She is oblivious (being a drug addict and all) to everything around her. She see's my stepson 2 times a month maybe and when she does she usually pawns him off on someone else. SS has cried several times to me literally when he can't see her cause "he misses his mommy" and it breaks my f'ing heart!!!
So, DH let SS stay over at his mother's Christmas eve night. When he went to pick him up yesterday morning her husband told my DH to not let him go there anymore. BM didn't get home till 7am WASTED. Didn't let my SS open his presents (honestly surprised he even had any). Started a fight with her mother in law and was completely incoherent. She has tried calling my DH all day to speak with my SS and DH won't answer the phone because he has FINALLY had enough (THANK GOD!!!) SO i finally answered his phone and told her that DH was unavailable and so was SS. She was sweet as pie with me. I have a draft in my phone to send her a text and I want to press send so bad right now but I need someone to talk me into it or talk me out of it. I don't know what to do. I have always remained silent because I figured it wasn't really my business, but when MY husband breaks down in tears (first time ever) because he feel so bad for his son because he has a PIECE OF &@#* mother, I feel now it is my business. This is a really vague description and back-story I know but try and process this drug addict scumbag in your mind and try and see her who cares attitude. She who has complained in the past that I "act" like his mother but SHE is his mother blah blah blah kind of attitude but then she pulls shit like this. Sorry for the words. I am so angry!!!
To send or not to send, that is the question!!!
i wouldn't send, it'll only
i wouldn't send, it'll only give her righteous ammo for the bitch machine. let the courts or DH deal with her.
i have a worthless BM on my side to and anything ever done she makes a giant lie of a story in order to make me look even worse. She is a heavy marijuana smoker and she believes it is from God's earth and totally okay to smoke.
talking to someone like that is just a waste of your breath.
I sent the text. She called
I sent the text. She called me immediately. We talked for 40 minutes. She went to bitch and i said this is about your son so you can listen or i will hang up. She ended up listening. Do I think it did good? NO! But I said what i had to say. She started crying and agreed with me. HA!!! I am not buying into her bullshit but i told her to not call my husbands phone anymore. I said she could call mine and that was that and that was the only way she can speak to her son. She said ok. She wants to see him tomorrow. I said I will bring him but I am staying. She said ok, that she understands that. She knows she has problems. In all honesty, that makes me feel a little better. But at least i said what i had to say regardless whether or not it effects her.
I don't think you can tell
I don't think you can tell her not to call your husband's phone. Your husband is her child's father. She has the absolute right to call and talk with him about their child.
But I can totally see why you could be furious with her.
I understand why you are
I understand why you are upset with her, but to ban her from contacting your husband and the only way she can speak to her son is through you? And she actually agreed to that? She must be crazy.
Sorry, I was a little vague.
Sorry, I was a little vague. I told her that DH will not answer her calls if she tries to contact him. So it wasn't me making a demand that she "can't" call him. I can't ban that sort of thing (I wouldn't mind the super power, but I can't lol) I said it because otherwise she would get nowhere. So that's just because DH is refusing to speak to her. He will not answer her calls. But yes, she is crazy besides.
I already told him to answer his phone because she called my phone 5 times yesterday. No way am I gonna deal with that. I would much rather him speak to her. She called to speak to SS 2 times and the other times to ask me how the roads were by our house if I could please ask DH to bring SS over there. We had a snow storm but regardless, he won't bring him. But he did call her to tell her that and got lucky because her husband answered so he got out of having to talk to her anyway.
I agree with Finey....you
I agree with Finey....you need to step back. You forget this BM is very sick. Sick people can do sick things...and I am not really concerned about what she can do to you. The concern is the child. No matter how BAD the mother is, she is still his mother. The DH is still his father. DH needs to handle this. BM needs serious help. So does the child. You guys really can't control her behavior and you'll drive yourself crazy trying. Not trying to be mean at all, just know that this scenario can go in so many directions--a lot of them not good.
I agree with you that he
I agree with you that he should handle it. I have expressed this in the past actually. But he won't. I guess I just "snapped" and had enough. Especially when I feel like when she started affecting MY child (we have SS8 and my son who is 7). Her behaviour affects my household and whether or not it's my place I couldn't take it anymore and if nothing else, the release felt great!
We ended up getting off the phone on a "positive note" (no yelling or bitching) and she said to me that she was glad I called because she wanted to thank me for all I do for "her" son.
Perhaps I overstepped my boundries but what's done is done I guess. I won't be doing it again!
Its easy to snap, for sure.
Its easy to snap, for sure. Just remember that she needs help. Really--what mother wants to show up to Christmas smashed? I'm sure she doesn't want to and her intentions are probably good, but, unfortunately, there is something going on there. Just letting you know I had a horrible alcoholic father and hated him for a while, but eventually kids grow up. Now, I know he was sick. I forgive him--and it was NOT a pretty childhood. But, I had a mom who kept telling me he was sick and eventually I understood. I'd try and get DH to talk to her.
UPDATE: Well, no more to
UPDATE:
Well, no more to "worry about" I guess from here on out. So after all of this, DH allowed SS to go see his mother overnight at his BM's again. I got a call at 10am today that the cops were called because BM's grandmother stopped by to see her grandchildren and found that BM and her husband were beyond drunk/on drugs. Social Services picked the baby up and my mother in law got my SS. The baby is in the custody of the state (poor thing) and BM and her husband were arrested for neglect (all this morning). Well dumb a$$ system let's them stay home. A friend of mine lives across the street from these trash bags. At 4pm this afternoon my friends called my DH to tell them that BM (who does not know these people) walked into there house either drunk or high as a kite (their words) and was looking for drugs. When we find out what the state is going to do with SS's baby brother we will be sitting him down to have a talk with him about how "mommy" is not well. We will never speak ill of her in front of him but it's time. When my mother in law arrived at BM's this morning to get SS I was on the phone with her and could here BM in the background who could barely speak a word clearly. It was awful. She asked my MIL who she was talking to and when she told her it was me BM's response was, oh, ok, so I guess you're here to get "ss". Yes. She said ok, good. Take him. I haven't eaten all day. I just feel sick. I am so sad. DH and I got in a bit of an argument that SS was even going there but I backed off and said I don't feel good about this but it's your decision. I was concerned about his reaction to this all day and when I got home from work and he is completely himself and I am the one depressed, I can't help to feel a little bit angry. I am not going to say anything I guess. What's done is done and I am so happy that the baby is out of her house and my SS will not be going there anymore.
Usually I read a lot on here and don't post any of my own experiences. But, it's either here or I think I need some serious counseling. Thanks for this site!!!!
I'm so glad that the kids are
I'm so glad that the kids are out of that house and thankfull SS has y'all!! I understand that addiction is a sickness, but don't have children then. How unfair is it to these children that they weren't even asked to be brought here and they end up with a BM like that? I have had a similar situation where BM #2 had her first child (not DH's) taken away from her from endangering him while she was high and then she killed my SD while she was high too. I don't believe these types of mothers deserve any type of visitation, unless they have truly changed their life around. I wouldn't even give even supervised visitation a thought until I knew she was absolutely clean and had been for a while. These mom's are blessed with children and throw it all away for their own selfish needs....I'm sorry but she recognized she had a problem and STILL asked for SS and STILL got messed up. Sad. Just so sad. Hopefully, SS won't be too scarred.