Did you see the CNN article?
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I went on CNN today and thought of, once again, why support groups for Step Parents is SO important. In a nutshell... stepdad snapped and shot five skids, mom and self, left his two young biokids alone. All but one skid died. Sad. But it shows you how bad you can be pushed.
I think there's a valid
I think there's a valid counter-point to this idea. Venting and verbalizing some of the hatred could actually be more damaging for the situation than helping it.
I can see both sides...
That's true too. I think
That's true too. I think it's important to understand you aren't the only one going through a situation. Being related too and hearing "it's normal" is kind of where I was going with that. Not the ranting hatred issue. I tend to agree that spewing dosn't help and get people even more heated up.
" Sad. But it shows you how
" Sad. But it shows you how bad you can be pushed."
Well that's a load of balogney-
So, the mom who drowned all her kids...her kids pushed her to it? The dad who kills his own biokids and wife is pushed by..what...
It's an excuse for a disturbing, sick, vile disgusting human being that takes the lives of others
I have NO sympathy for how he was "pushed" just as I would anyone who goes in that stupid murder/suicide act. Why not pull the friggin trigger on yourSELF first if you're going to do it anyway.
Shoot we can all be pushed but this should have imo NO relation to how "poor stepparents are pushed" as a justification/understanding of those acts.
I agree with overit2. You are
I agree with overit2. You are not pushed to murder. You can be pushed to give up and leave, but murder?
Agree though that support groups can be a good venting "safe" place, though sometimes seeping yourself in too much negative venting can just make you bitter (but not a murderer!).
Yes-I think I see the site as
Yes-I think I see the site as being able to be both...venting can help unload negative feeligns..but also add to them by reading other negative stories and creates more hostility/preocupation in ourselves and our own situations.
Same goes for any website that caters to specific needs though. It's just all a balance.
You can be pushed. Read the
You can be pushed. Read the article again, and look at the ages of the stepkids - all teenagers. Notice how the home is described as a "hangout" for all the kids in the neighborhood. Notice how the man would park in the alley. You can absolutely be pushed to this limit. I think it is interesting that there are so many more news stories about stepparents harming or killing their stepchildren. You never used to hear about this, but I think a lot of stepparents are just not getting the help they need, are feeling more and more isolated, and something just breaks. Children used to be off-limits, but step-kids are another matter. They are allowed to treat the step-parent like garbage day-in and day-out, well, this is the result.
Again I think it's a bullshit
Again I think it's a bullshit excuse. The article also said "ESTRANGED" wife. Meaning they were not together. Let me tell you this much....most of these guys that go on killing sprees of their families (their own and/or step) are likely abusive men to begin with, controlling men, the ones that can't let go. These are the ones that neighbors say typically "oh they just snapped" he seemed like such a great guy. Of course nobody knows the behind the scenes. I guarantee you 99% of the time their is a history of DV there.
Nobody PUSHES you to kill, abuse, hit, mistreat your family. BULLSHIT!
I lived with an abuser. He escalated to a point he would have likely killed me. I was threatened, i was in fear for my life. Don't tell me it has anything to do with stepteens pushing too far. We just had our own young biokids.
I'm not arguing that their may be lack of support...all around for everyone. That's a problem of modern society and the "technology" advances that have disconnected us. People don't believe in "the village" they take independence to far, they move far away from their families/parents, etc. There's a huge disconnect there... nothing to do with bratty step teens or that he got pushed to far. The fact that you defend that this way is incredibly upsetting honestly.
Don't LET YOURSELF BE TREATED LIKE SHIT! Honestly people...if you're mistreated and disrespected then have some balls and quit taking it and have the courage like millions of other single moms that stepped out alone and refused to be miserable and refused to sleep at night next to a man they loathe and can't respect. Gather some courage and change your life.
oh...but it it's not that easy many say...hell no it isn't...but is your life/sanity/peace worth it? HELL YES!
To blame step kids and society for KILLING YOUR FAMILY is disgusting and sick. If you're getting to that point where you feel that anger to want to kill someone-you need to get out and fast and get some counseling and regroup and step away from a dysfunctional situation.
No marriage or kids or financial security is worth your sanity.
I don't think any of it has
I don't think any of it has to do with skids, bio kids, wives or husbands. People have psychological/mental/emotional problems. It's not easy to always help yourself, especially when you don't have a support group and the very people you love most can't or won't help you.
I've written on this site how alone I feel in my hardships with being a stepmom. My biggest problem: I have no family or friends. You may say, go see a relative, move closer to home, make friends. That's rational thinking and there are times when I don't think rationally because I'm overwhelmed with grief and depression and I don't see how it's gonna make anything better. Blinded my very own mind!
You may be able to stand up to an abuser, remove yourself from a problem, run to a shelter with the kids; but being able to do something like that takes support, courage, and mental stability. Some folks don't even know they're not mentally stable.
I don't excuse people for hurting others. There's absolutely no excuse for that.
Everyone is different. We all have different needs. If you're such a strong person and know how to make things better, that is a gift that you should share by volunteering at a woman's shelter or some other venue that can benefit from that gift.
I agree with what you are
I agree with what you are saying lisa510, as I too feel I don't know how to "help myself" after moving across the country away from family and friend I've had for 20 plus years its just not that simple to make an about face just because you know you should. I feel very alone and cry at times at how hard it is to be a step-mom.
Killing is never an answer to anything, as it usually causes more pain for the people you didn't want to hurt in the first place. Strength is a gift I fear I no longer have.
I know it doesn't really
I know it doesn't really resolve anything, but as you can see on this site, you're not alone in what you're experiencing. We're all here.
I do agree with what some have said about this site: it can breed more resentment, anger and frustration than you need to have.
We have to choose what we take to heart and what we disregard. Choose to listen to the positive input always thinking that you come first.
When you feel down, you can send me a message. Sometimes just getting a little one on one helps a lot. Sometimes when we write the bad stuff, everybody else on the site is having a bad day, so you get MORE bad stuff!! That's when we need to be careful.
Stay strong sister!!
Yes...funny I was re-reading
Yes...funny I was re-reading a little booklet last night about "single mother survival guide"...it's full of funny little sayings/encouragements and an easy read.
That's one of the things it said-about it was imperative if you are already in pain to get negative influences/people out of your life.
I get this site-the venting-....it's just a delicate balance. If you feel yourself getting MORE upset about your issues and it breeding more bitterness or hurt then it's time to stop and find other more positive/encouraging outlets.
And for those who think you've lost your strength...you haven't...it's there, you just have to dig for it and be around others that can encourage you to find it rather then throw more angst your way.
I have lisa....many times, I
I have lisa....many times, I will probably return to it-I've also been on abuse support boards for years..>i've "met" women online that became friends whom I've seen be in despair to being free, on their own feet-raising their children and in peace.
Sometimes I saw it happpen in months-sometimes over years.
I've been out and free 7 years-and I have used my experience to help others. It's never enough-there's always someone else still in hell.