DSD rejecting DBD
Well here it is... I'm confused as to how to manage this situation. We've had my DH two girls this weekend, yesterday was lovely, but today has been less so.
Bit of background, I was a single mother for 4 years and when i met my DH he took my daughter on as his own. So much so that she calls him daddy and we refer to his two BD's as her sisters and vice versa. We have been together for two years now, the girls are now 6 (my BD) and his two are 4 and 2 (1 month off being 3).
Well this lovely unit seems to have hit a bit of a bump in the road today. My SD4 (out of the blue) has started telling my BD that their Daddy is not her Daddy, just hers and her sisters. To which my daughter just replied, hes my Daddy too. It didnt really phase her, more me i have to admit. I told my partner and he sat down with them both and explained that he was all of their Daddy and he loves them all very much.
Later on at lunch time the 4 year old declares that she does not like my BD being her sister, she only likes her younger sister. So again, as a unit my DH and I told them all that he is their Daddy, which makes them all sisters. And explained to her that it hurts our feelings when she says such things. I also asked SD4 if she would like it if my BD6 said that she did not like her being her sister either, to which she replied that she would not.
Now for me, this has the feeling of outside assistance. For her to come out with this, out of the blue, it would need to have been explained to her. Now she admitted the her BM told her about her Daddy, but SD4 has been going through a phase of lying, so dont want to jump to conclusions, but its very hard not to when their BM is a vindictive and manipulative little girl. My DH is going to talk to the ex, but i am not holding out any hope of her admitting to anything.
The only thing i am thankful for is that my DH is always supportive and demands respect from his girls towards myself and my BD. But how do i cope with my SD, i love them to bits and dont want to allienate them to my DH or our family.
Its a phase thing. You're
Its a phase thing. You're doing the right things already although others may have additional suggestions.
Don't panic, don't make a big issue of it, just slow and steady resistenance just as you and Dad have been doing.
You have the most important
You have the most important tool you need - your DH's willingness to provide a united front. Obviously the BM has been talking to her and is stirring up trouble. The most important thing to do is to keep saying you are a family - end of story. She can feel what she wants when she is at BM's and BM is feeding her BS - but in your home everyone is a family - period!
Well it turns out that the BM
Well it turns out that the BM did clarify this for SD. Despite my DH telling her (over a year ago) that my BD is his daughter too now. I've always thought that its healthy to be truthful with kiddies, but this was something that should have been dealt with delicately. I love those girls and have tried my damnedest to make sure they do not feel like they are treated any less than my own. And i will always continue to do so.
BM has the attitude of 'they are mine' and sees my DH as more of a babysitter and sperm donor than the father of her children and only uses the 'father' line when it suits her or tries to guilt him. I feel sick that a woman could use her own child in her games. Between adults i can tolerate and turn the other cheek, but to mess with kids lives and innocence is just apalling. I keep out of it, but boy do i want to have it out with her. GRRRRRR!!
Ill certainly have to have a
Ill certainly have to have a look on amazon for these. I try to give the girls time with their Daddy, ill take my daughter out at the weekend so that they can have quality time without us two impeding upon them. I do feel for them, and only wish that they could see how much their Daddy loves them and misses them when they are gone. My problem is their BM and how much influence shes going to have on their behaviour as they get older, shes very selfish and childish. Not that she sees that, its obvious that she feels she has a halo around her head, little does she know that if she carries on that halo will trip her up!!