MY STEP DAUGHTER IS ABUSING ME AND MY CHILDREN WHAT DO I DO
I have been with my fiancee for about a year and a half. I have a 2 year old daughter of my own ( father not in the picture) and he has a 12 yr old daughter. Just this past May we had twin boys of our own. One of my twins past away a month after being born from SIDS. My step-daughter (whatever you want to call her) lost her mother when she was 5, her mother was a drug addict and overdosed. Anyways, I love my fiancee with all of my heart, he makes my life so great. She was 10 turning 11 when I met him and now she is 12 and I thought it was bad in the begining but now it is only getting worse. She lies, shes flat out disrespectful and mean to me. She makes fun of me in front of my fiancee. She doesnt listen to a thing I say or tell her to do (which I have stopped doing this, I left it up to my fiancee to tell the little brat what to do) I refuse to clean up after her. She will not eat my cooking. Her room is a mess, she leaves food and cups all over the place. My fiancee recognizes that there is a problem but does not know how to deal with it, and neither do I. I am already depressed over losing my baby but I keep strong for the other kids. Recently I've started getting panic/anxiety attacks where I feel like I cant breathe, my chest is tight and I start talking really fast and I feel like Im going to die. I do not know what to do. I set up an appointment with a therapist but I've always felt that I can take care of myself.. This child is ruining my life and I feel like it will never get any better until shes gone. Her grandparents (her mothers parents) want her over there but she wont go!! They spoil her to no end, they have so much money but I think she stays here just to torture me because she doesnt want me with her dad. Before I came into the picture she was spending most of the time with her grandparents. I dont know what to do im at the end of my rope. I cannot take it anymore. Ive started drinking everyday when she comes home from school just to take the edge off. I swear I am having an anxiety attack just thinking about her now.. PLease someone anyone tell me it will get better, something has got to give right?
I forgot to mention that this
I forgot to mention that this little b***h is hitting and pushing my 2 year old baby daughter. I catch her doing it too. I CANT LOSE ANOTHER CHILD SOMEONE PLEASE HELP WHAT DO I DO??
You need to slow down and
You need to slow down and realize that you are still grieving the loss of the baby. I buried my son after a full term pregnancy and a child birth that went horribly wrong. You are in a horrible state of grief. It lasts a couple years. Your SD probably does hate you and the fact that you are with her dad. You have an intimacy with him that she doesn't understand and will never have with her Dad. I have been where you are and the one thing that has made my sanity better is the fact that she went to live with her BM. I hurt for my husband but, it was the best thing for my marriage. She undermined me at every turn. Things I couldn't prove, but things that drove me nuts. She would argue over everything. Your SD is pushing every button you can.
As for your BD, you need to be in the room with her all the time. Do not leave her alone with your SD. If your DH inquires you tell him, you have seen and heard things that make you worry about your BD. He will be more alert to her behavior.
You sound like you may also have the start of depression. It is common after a significant loss. See your doctor and ask about Zoloft or another med. I have had to try several over the years. I stay on them about 5 months and then go off. They stabilize my emotions.
I will tell you this, having lost a husband two years after losing my son, my son's death was harder to get past. I never knew my son, I only carried him for 9 months. You knew yours for such a short time and I think that makes the loss very significant.
Your SD is just one factor in your stress right now. You need to just do what is best for you and walk away from her, when the stressful stuff comes up. It will get better. Eventually they go off to college or so I am told.
thank you so much for such a
thank you so much for such a fast response. I know I am on edge a lot of the time but I feel like I am doing very good in all other areas of my life, I am back to work and raising the kids but recently I've come to the point where she is NOT one of mine, never will be, so I will not raise her. My fiancee agrees with my decision but still tries to get me involved (talking to her friends parents, wanting me to go to the parent teacher confrence.)
Since my new decision and way of doing things she has been KISSING my as*!!! Its kind of funny but its also messing my head up even more. Everything she does is a show, shes a manipulator and we are all her "puppets". I wish she would go away now. I wish her mother was alive so she could live with her. This brat has been babied her whole life and now her dad has me and our children to love too and she obviously doesnt want it.
My doctor gave me xanax for the anxiety attacks but I cant take it because I turn into a zombie, plus Ive never been one to take prescription drugs. Who knows though, I am at the end of my rope right now and I think I'd try anything.
You are right about everything you said and thank you so much for letting me vent.
I have the Xanax and take
I have the Xanax and take when a panic attack comes up. For me not much anymore, usually only step related now. I suggest breaking it in half. That is enough to make me not flip out on them.
Your SD is probably playing you. Just be nice, don't parent. We don't have to be their friends. She has a Dad and he needs to step up. I found that when I disengaged, it became easier for everyone especially me. The one who didn't like it was my DH. He couldn't understand why I kept walking out of rooms. She kept talking about nothing, and I couldn't listen to her. It was just encouraging her. Your DH will get it eventually. He will start to see her from your point of view and start calling her on it. It is great now that he sees her as a manipulator. UNfortunately, we still have a BM and she plays right into it with SD14. You actually have it better that the BM has passed away. You don't have to deal with that extra drama. I would start encouraging your DH to send her to her Grandparents more. You have to preserve yourself.
It's funny how she is being
It's funny how she is being nice to you now. My ss does this as well-but I have to do more than disengage I have to be really harsh with him before he will start kissing my a$$ and I am not willing to be this way very often because I dont like being harsh/mean. So it sucks. The nicer I am the ruder he is. These kids truthfully dont have any clue what there doing-your sd doesnt even think of you or what you might be going thru because she is at the age of self-centeredness (which unfortunately some never outgrow) and I think it is perfectly fine to back off here-your dh needs to realize that he will have to be both the dad and the mom to this little girl.
It is hard to be mean to her
It is hard to be mean to her when shes kissing my a**. I dont want to be mean though, i just try to show no emotion. I am nice to her but am trying not to be too nice. I through her a birthday party and gave her the cell phone back (which she was already grounded from for having her friends sleep over and TRASH our house and eat ALL of our food) and when I did she treated me like DIRT. She sat there in front of my sister in casual conversation and was like "You are not my mother" out of nowhere. I was like hmmm BITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT**!!!!!!!!
Mine said that to me and out
Mine said that to me and out of my mouth came "and I don't want to be little girl". She looked stunned that I wouldn't want to be her mom. My DH just sat there and told her not to talk to me like that. Just have a remark for that, you don't have to be mean, just get your point across. I hate to tell you this, but it will get worse as she hits 13 and up. They turn into these hormonal brats that there is no reasoning with. It is hard to deal with teens in a intact family, let alone a blended family.