I've been with my SS since he was 3. He's my cuddlebug. Still is and he'll be 11 next week. He always cuddles with me. But I give him positive reinforcement. I play with him and set boundries and reprimand when needed. His BM tries to be the skids best friend and doesn't really parent. He hasn't turned on my yet.. And I hope he won't.

Good Luck!!

I would say just always be there for him and hopefully everything will be ok. And most kids are more intelligent than people give them credit for and he'll know if BM is lying.

Been with SSs from 5 & 7, husband's family was tickled with me, all of our kids got along. Problem was BM and she continued to be a problem. Husband had custody, BM didn't live in the same state and did not have regualr visitation but the times she did have them were very damaging. She wanted to insure her place in their lives as mom, eventhough they called me mom. Like kids do, they complained but what was happening is BM was feeding the boys thoughts that I had no place to make decisions. I was the one raising them, not her and husband wasn't a stay-at-home dad. Of course the rebelious teens did nothing to help the whole situation, I have 3 bios and we had our share of issues, it's just part of being a teen. With the boys though they decided to disown me because I was not their BM, and they felt I should have never had so much say over them in the first place so basically in the end they have not accepted my role and I think that was influenced a great deal by BM. Boiys are 26 & 28 and we have no relationship.

I have been with my 12 year old ss since he was 1. And sorry but I dont have a good story or a happy ending (yet)-maybe I will someday. We were always very close-he lived here and i was the primary parent due to dh's travel for work. i did everything for this child and treated him as I treated him the same as my own kids. It blew up in my face. I underestimated bm's desire to cause havoc-she resented me-I was more involved with him than his own parents and ss needed someone to blame for that and I was the lucky chosen one. We really have NO relationship anymore. He moved in with his bm a few years ago-comes eow and avoids me completely-likes to act as if I dont exist.

I've been with my stepkids since they were 4 and 6. They are 14 and 17 now. To say their mother hates me would be an understatement. I have a great relationship with both of them.

Kids are smart. They figure out pretty quickly whom they can trust.

I have a SD5 whom has been in my life since she was 10mo. old. My only suggestion is to do what you can to build a civil relationship with BM. I know the idea probably makes you gag but it is the best way to ensure you have support in your relationship with your SKID. I was raised in a step family that went down a very rough road, so when I decided to create one with my DH I made it priority #1 to build a relationship with BM. With her support and encouragement my SD sees me as her other mom. BM encourages the bond and is happy to have someone take care of her child when she cant. (She has limited faith in my DH)

I have been in my 2 sd's life since they were were 4 and 7. the mom will alwys be anightmare trust me and she will never stop bad mouthing you i go through this my slef, i am trying t o deal with it too the best i know how. i try the kindness thing and i hate it cause i want ot be mean to her to the bm. you are kinda lucky t startt that early on then the step children really know you their whole life, they will love you like their own mom. the bm never jjust lets things go, they are all headaches in my eyes. bm suck when they are bitter ugly people.

I've been with DH since his kids were 6 and 8. They are now 15 and 17.

BM is a horror show, like most talked about on this site.

SD has quit coming over or communicating with us. SS comes regularly and extra time, if he can. He will fight with BM to make sure he gets to come and visit.

I think SS and I have a good relationship but I thought SD and I were close, too.

I have been "Dad" to my SS-18 since he was 1yo.

Our son (my SS) is an only child in our home though he has three also out-of-wedlock half sibs by two other mothers on the SpermIdiots side of his family.

Though we have had our fair share of SpermClan drama we have also had a great time as a family. In our blended family situation the main problem is not BioDad, it is SpermGrandMa who is absolutely the hag from hell. The SpermIdiot (BioDad) is a worthless waste of skin who lives in a home owned by his parents rent free, pays no CS though CS is paid by the SpermGrandParents for him, and who abandoned his younger three out-of-wedlock spawn on his parents doors step. The SpermGrandParents raise the younger three with no help from the SpermIdiot.

My wife and I just celebrated our 16th anniversary and shortly after celebrated our son's (my SS) 18th birthday and more importantly his aging from under the visitation element of the Custody/Visitation/Support order that has forced him to suffer visitation with the SpermClan his entire life. BioDad, or more accurately the SpermGrandParents on the on the hook for CS for another 4 years if my son decides to go to college.

My wife, son (my SS) and I have had a great time and developed to be an extremely close family. He is my son whether I participated in his gene pool or not.

We have always dealt with our son (my SS) and his knowledge all three sides of his family from the facts are not good or bad they are just facts perspective. He loves his mom's family, my family and his BioDad's family. However, he also knows that they are all just people with the flaws and challenges that all people face. Because of the "facts" philosophy we have used he also knows that his BioDad (the SpermIdiot) is a worthless POS. We have not ever told our son (my SS) what we think of his BioDad, he is a smart young man and has developed this knowledge on his own. That said, worthless POS or not, our son loves the SpermIdiot and we require that our son speak of his BioDad in a respectful tone though our son (my SS) has commented periodically that it is difficult to love someone that he does not respect.

I recommend that you be factual in your interface with your Skids about their blended family. Do not badmouth the BM or BM's family but do not lie to the Skids. Be factual. You will definately have periods where the Skids through out the "you are not my mom" pespective but ultimately they will grow to be adults with their own opinions of you and their BM. Do what you can to be the one that they know has been their for them, looked out for their best interests and always given them the facts. That IMHO is the best way to insure that you will have a long term quality relationship with your Skids.

So, yes, building a blended family with your DH and Skids can be extremely rewarding. StepParenting is probably the most challenging effort one can take on in life. However, with great challenge comes great reward. At least it has for me.

I have offered several times to adopt my SS. He has given me the same answer each time I have asked. The first time he was ~12yo. "You are my dad, getting papers and changing my name won't change that." My first thoughts on his aswer were :? . Interestingly I was not hurt by his answer. Ultimately I decided I am proud of his anwer. He is doing what he has always done. Trying to navigate his journey through our blended family challenges by being true to himself and by doing what he can to avoid hurting anyone. As his dad I can't logically be hurt by that.

Good luck and best regards,

skids were 2 & 5 when dh and i got together.... ss10.5 & sd13.5..

well, bm was a nightmare in the beginning, then mil... now i just can't wait for skids to be come adults and get the f out!

I met DH when SS was 2, now he's 18. We have a crazy manipulative BM who made for some rocky times especially during SS's early teen years. By the age of 16 I thought that SS would never want to see DH again. But miracles do happen. SS left BM's house this summer to move in with us and we couldn't be happier.

My story is more middle of the road with my skids. I have been in thier lives since they were 3 (SD) and 1 (SS). My SD13 and I get along more like oil and water...but, I still have hopes!! My SS12 and I get along better, but I will always know that I am SM. I have a closer relationship to SS, we play catch, we watch cartoons, we joke, and every once in a while, he'll lay down next to me or across my lap, take my hand and put it on his back...this is how he asks for a backscratch! He's a charmer! But, he also puts me in my place by his actions when BM comes around...or calls. Neither of the skids are affectionate with me, and I find it hard to be affectionate with them as well..I try, but it's just really hard to hug on someone you know doesn't feel the same way!! But, really...I think I am ok with that...