I've not posted in a while, but I really need you all right now...
BM is at it again with her lies...
DFH and I have been not one step short of cooperative with her, and have allowed her to throw her tantrums, we take bundle of joy when we can get him and even when she chooses to do something else...
DFH had SS2 24/7 until BM found out he and I were together and happy...since then my life has been a train wreck..so this week, this is what she has done;
1. she is holding DFH in contempt for:
a. taking SS2 to the beach and bringing him back 'damp and uncomfortable'
(we have to bring him to her early on Sunday, because she no longer 'allows' me to watch him since the court does not yet force her to)..we told her he would need a bath, and we had changed him into a new diaper and warm, dry clothes
b. taking SS2 to the beach when it was 50 degrees outside...I would not go if it were 50 degrees, I certainly would not take him
c. not giving him his asthma meds while he is over (we give the medication back with the amount we gave him taken out of it...i suppose she just assumes we throw it away? i have worked in an asthma clinic for 2 yrs and would certainly NEVER allow him to go without medication)
d. smoking around him making his asthma worse. (I have never even held a cigarette and neither has DFH...not sure where she got that from)
e. not paying child support on time (we always give her money orders early, this month being december, we both were on vacation with the little one, and as she did not mention the money, DFH forgot it, okay, our fault, so DFH called his attorney to have it taken directly out of his check)
f. claims that whenever DFH comes to pick him up (yes he drives 30 min. to her house every week twice a week to pick him up and take him back) he is shaky and wearing dark sunglasses...so now i suppose she is claiming that he is on drugs?!...This isn't the first time that she has made this claim, so they are both getting drug tests because she wants them...for some reason DFH has taken and passed his all with flying colors and she has not even begun...
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P.S. PLEASE HELP ME i need
P.S. PLEASE HELP ME
i need words of wisdom my dear friends, she's making me crazy...how is it okay for her to do this to us?
side note: a few months ago, at a visit to my doc, she said that I had lost 10 pounds (i'm a very small girl), was losing a great amount of hair, and was shaky and looked like a wreck, she put me on antidepressants to deal with this girl who has been bullying me since the beginning....a;skjdf
Its so very hard, yes......I
Its so very hard, yes......I have a very similar situation. My hair is falling out, too. The BM is not going to stop until you guys are miserable. That's what she wants--control. The best advice I can give you is to let DH know you support him, but you can't engage the BM at all. It really isn't about us.....yet, we're the ones left feeling helpless and confused. We care for the kids and the BM wants to make sure we don't have a relationship with the children. The BM I deal with does the whole "let me have him when you are working because I don't want HER watching him" game--a lot. All I can really tell you is to love the child when you have him and be prepared for the fall out afterwards. She can't go after you at all, so let it go. I completely understand where you are though. Oh, yeah--the court will not change anything--except maybe make the DH pay through direct deposit. The rest won't change and she is just spinning her wheels. It takes ALOT to change custody arrangements. I've been a therapist for a while and been to many court custody hearings and they very rarely change due to a parent "complaining." The judges usually see through it.
Thank you so much for taking
Thank you so much for taking time to shed some light on your story, how old is your little one?
How long have you been a step mommy?
We have a hearing in a few months at which time my FDH will have half time...we have been working on this for the past year since BM essentially kidnapped SS2 after FDH had him for his first year of life...
The SS is 10 today. I've
The SS is 10 today. I've been with the DH for 2 years. BM stayed away from me until I showed up at a baseball game with the DH this year. Then she found a way to get mad at me, call me, and then bitch me out in front of the child. I hung up on her. SOOOOOOO, I'm the bad person. On, yeah, me and the DH are drunks and drink around the child all the time, we are amoral because we live together without marriage, and he is currently being brought to court for these reasons AND increased CS and decreased visitation. She thought she was going to scare him and he would "kick me out", but it didn't happen. (She found out he made less money last year and her CS is being decreased. She also found out I'm also a child protective services/family reunification psychologist for the state. She tried to squash the filing but she couldn't---haha. Karma is a bigger bitch than she.) Anywho--yes, they lie--most of them at least. But there really isn't anything that is going to change on DH's part--except decreased CS. That still makes me chuckle. She thinks he is rolling in it since I'm around....she forgets, she can never touch my income!Just hang in there and remember how incredibly strong you are....you didn't make it this far because you are a wilting flower! Some days will be better than others. I had my previous three bad days. Now today is a little brighter. I'm doing a lot of self talk--"I am stronger than this." Know it sounds hokey, but it works for me.
Karma is a bigger bitch than
Karma is a bigger bitch than she
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Love this!
I needed that.
I needed that.
You need a time out. Looks
You need a time out. Looks like there's a lot on your plate and she won't stop. Your H needs to talk to her (if it's even possible) and set boundaries.
Thank you very much It is
Thank you very much
It is not possible to talk with her...unless he wants to get yelled at of course, she won't give either of us a break, and I can't wait until the schedule is finally set in stone so she can quit walking all over us.
Well it sure made me smile
Well it sure made me smile
Well, as for the dark glasses, he wears prescriptions all the time which turn dark in the sun, and most of the time that we pick up/drop off, it's night time, so they wouldn't be dark...they'd be clear...a little strange..
in any case, thank you thank you.
and she already looked like a moron at the last hearing when she made up a list of other stuff like this which our lawyer just proved ridiculous, and the judge threw out the window.
Holy crap... hope my
Holy crap... hope my neighbors don't call CPS on me... I take my BS just turned 1 yesterday for walks in 40 degree weather. He has snow pants, winter coat, hat gloves and I also put a blanket on him.. and guess what HE FREEKIN LOVES IT! Last week when I took him I was worried it might be a little windy and cold for him, but he wasn't squawking or anything and then I stopped and checked the stroller, he was sleeping! I guess he wasn't freezing or anything.
and I guess DH and I must be on drugs too since we where sunglasses when we drive (gasp)
What a freeking fruitcake.. I wouldn't worry about her ridiculous claims, CPS will laugh at her.
Thank you speaking of snow
Thank you
speaking of snow pants, when we got back from vacation with the little guy, we brought back a snow suit a hat and snow boots her to take him to tennessee...
obviously we don't care about his well-being...
p.s. happy 1st birthday!
I needed this too. I'm trying
I needed this too. I'm trying to get my husband to have contact with the attorney. I don't know how much more supportive i can get without going crazy in the process. I am documenting everything. he however isn't saving texts or anything.
I agree with the
I agree with the others....the court would roll their eyes and it could even backfire on her with her being ordered to pay court and attorney fees. However, it does go on court record of her frivolous claims and may help you in court down the road if needed. That way she sinks her own ship.
As for his asthma medications, how would she know you haven't given his meds? Did she do a blood level check on him? Also, you work in an Asthma clinic and don't give him his meds...how hilarious...Sounds like crap to me.
As for being late on child support in December, no court would hold you in contempt for being late unless you are 90 days or more late. but if DH volunteered to take it out of paycheck, problem solved.
However, she looks petty by filing contempt. Wonder if her drug tests will come back normal.
AUG2010--please keep
AUG2010--please keep documenting. I don't know your situation, but fathers, i.e.men, don't get it. The BM keeps a record, just like we do, and the men don't seem to understand. They think like men. "Oh, me and dude got in a fight and we fought." Case solved. They'll be playing basketball together tomorrow. Women, "That guy said, blah, blah, blah." We file it away and remember.....everything. We'll use that info when we need it. Guys are different. That's where all of this shit comes from! The SM is still a woman and we remember everything! Now, the difference is, keeping tabs means being involved---not disengaged. If you wear your heart on your sleeve--do not do this. It will kill you. Even if you are not, it will still affect you--so, you have to be the 3rd party. THE NON-OBJECTIVE third party. You will have to document like a newsreporter. If you can't do that--then don't. That will suck the life out of you. Then, DH will have to do his own. BTW-- I don't know many SM that can do that....maybe 1 or 2. So, just letting you know, FROM MY PROSPECTIVE. Hugs from MS
she's just being petty to get
she's just being petty to get at you. once the orders are in place and everything is in writing, you will have legal recourse.
she's just being a bitch like many of them do. she doesn't want you to be happy with her kid. she doesn't want her kid to be happy. she gets some sort of self esteem from putting you both down. disengage and try to have very little to do with her and it will ease some tension.