cant afford visits?
So our wise judge, in his infinite wisdom, (sarcasm) decided that addition to DH paying a good amount of CS per month, he is also to fly SKs nonstop flights back and forth to our house for visits since wise judge also let crazy BM move 1500 miles away.
The problem? After a sinking economy and no sinking CS payments, DH has no $$ left over each month. I am propping up the family finances and am wiped out monthly as well after mortgage, insurances, etc., etc., etc. DH doe snot have extra $$ to spend every 6 weeks to fly SKs nonstop when flights are fluctuating in price so much and airlines are adding so many fees.
What to do? I suggested to DH last night that MAYBE he has to lose a visit since we dont have the money to fly the SKs and the $$ is needed here "we need to provide a home for them too" Of course this did not go over well with DH as he wil not be able to see the SKs for months if he misses a visit (not to mention BM will go nuts) and he seemed annoyed with me for actually bringing it up. I told him if he was making tons of $$ then it would not matter. Its not his fault hes not, his industry is doin gbad due to the economy.
What to do?????
we've been thinking about
we've been thinking about that (for both of us) problem is, everyone is thinking the same thing! Second jobs here are hard to come by -ones that fit into the first job schedule. We're trying!!
Very true, thanks!!
Very true, thanks!!
Agreed don't let her find
Agreed don't let her find out. It's a catch 22, damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Please, I agree so much! It
Please, I agree so much! It is not fair but the fact that he let her move away was the worst. The ONLY consulation we get is that she hates where she is and has no one to help her b/c she moved 1500 miles away form her babysitter (DH)
Its a sad situation but it is
Its a sad situation but it is what it is....
Your hands are tied if the money's not there. And if DH can't find a second job, I don't see any other choices.
Would it be cheaper for DH to
Would it be cheaper for DH to fly there, get a cheap room and visit them there instead? Just a thought on how maybe he can still see them and save a little on the cost of it. Also, he wouldn't have to fly nonstop which is a much more expensive flight.
I'm agree that if you can't afford it, you can't afford it. He'd be better off spending the money to fight that bs visitation order.
Yeah, this judge was way out
Yeah, this judge was way out of line. Myself I would get a lawyer ASAP and re-file. The situation is set up for the DH to fail. When our BM wanted to move out of state I made sure it was under fair terms. We hashed it out ourselves and travel costs were agreed to be split no matter what. Even if we move or they move again in the future SPLIT down the middle.
Can you re-file and request a change? I think there are alot of lawyers that would take on this case. I mean you were given 2 options, see your kids and go broke, or don't see them at all. Not right, something has to change in the family court system. Someones got to do something.
If bm would be livid to know
If bm would be livid to know her kids could only fly over every 12 weeks instead of every 6 then suggest she pay half the flights. If she doesn't want to pat those flights then I guess it doesn't reall bother her then. Sorry. That situation is pretty crappy.
Visitation is a privilege,
Visitation is a privilege, not an obligation. Dh will be sad....but bm's decision is the reason you guys may not be able to see his kids as often and BELIEVE me....one day, the skids will grow up and resent their mother for alienating their father. Mine are just beginning to realize their fathers shortcomings are why they haven't had him around. Every one told me it would come one day. Just remember, some things we have no control over....but everything happens for a reason...good luck to you!
I disagree. Visitation is a
I disagree. Visitation is a right, not a privledge. In fact, in TX even if the non-custodial doesn't/can't pay cs, they still have the 'right' to see their child. Also, in our case, the visitation schedule is court-ordered. So if bm refuses a visit or if dh misses a visit without notifying bm beforehand then both instances they would be contempt of court. In this case ou obviously know when you would miss a visit and would let bm know in advance if that is the case. I'm curious as to what the attorney said and why the attorney didn't try to find a better solution.
Been there done that,
Been there done that, kinda
DH and I moved from PA to OH last year for a job. That moved us over 600 miles away. DH had every other weekend visitation prior to the move but it just was not feasible for us or the BMs to make the drive every other weekend. So we worked out the following:
Visitation over long weekends (i.e. MLK weekend, President's day weekend, Columbus Day weekend)
Easter Break
2 weeks in June/July
1 week in August
Alternating Thanksgiving
Christmas break (week between Christmas and New Years)
It may not be as much time as he's used to spending with his kids but its better than week flights. And if it's weekends, you both could consider flying yourselves to them and getting a hotel room for the weekend. Could be cheaper?
Also consider using Skype and increase telephone calls.
Good luck.
That sucks. I know how you
That sucks. I know how you feel. The whole system is flawed. Sounds like to scale down visitation just untill more money comes in. I have had to adjust to this as well.
We have the same issue, it
We have the same issue, it s*cks.
Thanks all for your
Thanks all for your supportive responses! DH flying down is a great idea, I will mention it! And yes, the wise judge DID reduce CS somewhat since he knew he was saddling DH with airfare costs, but he is still paying a good amount/monthly and when flights are around holidays-forget it! So expensive...
Every 6 weeks was not ordered, they actually had to get a "Vistiation Coordinator" appointed by the court and yet another bill to pay. She was actually great though and DH got to essentially make the schedule so technically HE is the one who made it so often but he just wants to see his kids, ya know? But it may be in the cards that its too expensive so often....feel bad for him but what can you do? Oh, and going back to court again is not an option. We have spent the past 7 years in court flighting various things and that is one of the many reasons we are broke! Unfortunately its something we have to live with-the fact that even though Psycho moved WE have to pay for flights- so dumb!
I've lived with this problem
I've lived with this problem for 8 years, DH's ex moved clear accross the country. In Canada we have the choice of 2 airlines to get them here, there is no competiton, so flights are expensive. Over the 8 years the flights averaged $3600, for 2 trips/year, 2 kids. That's over $25K we've spent on just flights, and they ALL went on my credit cards. The ex is broke, or so she says, and refuses to pay a dime. My husband had to declare bankruptcy after his divorce (cause she ran him into the ground) and he still can't get a decent credit card. So, that's what I've done.
Am I happy about it? No. Do I wish I did it differently? yes. If I could do it all over I'd say "they are you and your ex's kids, you guys figure it out". But at the beginning love is blind and so this precedent was set. Don't do it. Just fly them out if you have the cash available and on hand. Do not put it on credit.
It's really dumb and I feel so used and taken advantage of, zero thanks from the ex who lives it up on the child support money we send when the kids are here all summer, then has the gall to say I didn't feed her kids well enough when they were here. She has no clue, no thanks, no appreciation of the fact that THE ONLY REASON THEY EVEN STILL HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR DAD IS BECAUSE I SPENT MY MONEY TO FLY THEM HERE.
And now everybody just expects it.
wow, I feel for you as well!
wow, I feel for you as well! Fortunately, DH does not expect me to put myself in debt to fly them (and I dont have the credit cards either to do it anyway). I think he realizes if the money is not there, then they just cant visit, he is just sad about it.
LLL, I did that too and we
LLL, I did that too and we are still scratching our way out of the debt - and you are right, no one ever acknowledges the only reason they got to come/see their dad is because you went out of your way to do that for them-!!!!!! Never again-!! sorry dear