Your DH and BK - What are your expectations?
I've read in one of the posts here (can't remember when/where/by whom exactly, I apologize for that) that the woman did not really expect anything from her husband as far as his relationship with her BK goes. She didn't expect him to love them, to bond with them, to spend time with them... The only requirement was that he was not mean to them.
I, personally, expect all of the above! I don't think I could live with a man who just ignored my chidren completely - it would make me so resentful, I can't imagine loving him! I want him to be as close to a real father to my kids as humanely possible - love them, care about them, spend time with them, bond with them, etc. As a matter of fact, I'll admit that I am being unreasonable in this department - I expect more of him when it comes to the relationship with my kids, than I myself can offer to his daughter, my SD. Maybe it's because she (the SD) already has two great parents (both BM and my DH ADORE this child, as do the grandparents), she is her mother's world and the apple of my DH's eye, and the only grandchild on the mother's side, so the grandparents dote on her and spoil her, too.
My kids, on the other hand, only have me. Their father, while he certainly cares about them and provides for them financially, is not involved in their lives very much, has no interest in doing so, and most definitely does not play with them, show them affection, or do any other daddy stuff. And there are 4 of them and 1 of me, so I feel like, while SD has 2 parents and at least 2 grandparents who are crazy about her, my poor kids have only 1 parent to share between the 4 of them. So, I feel like they NEED all that love and attention from my DH.
I am wondering how others feel about the relationship between their SO and their BK? What do you expect of him?
Thank you, BlendedFam. I
Thank you, BlendedFam.
I forgot to mention that all four of my kids (BD9, BS11, BS17, and BD19 - the last one only is in college and only lives with us during the summer) love/like my new husband. My BD9, especially, REALLY craves his attention/affection, as she is a very cuddly child and does not get any of that from her bio father. She gives my DH hugs, and asks for hugs from him :), wrote very touching letters to him from summer camp, etc. So, that's the thing that actually makes me upset sometimes - that, while my DH constantly showers his own daughter with affection, my little girl has to ASK for hugs... I know he loves and cares about my kids, but I feel like my kids love him more than he loves them, and I am TERRIBLY jealous of his daughter on behalf of my kids...
I expect a lot from the
I expect a lot from the relationship between my kids and DH but I also didn't expect it to happen overnight. And I also expect my kids to treat all people (most importantly and adult who is an authority figure in our home) with respect.
I have watched them build a very loving relationship, he is like another parent to them. And I support that.
I wish it were the same with SD but I get none of the support from anyone involved.
Oddly enough, their openness to this blended family has allowed them to accept their new SM. Again with my support. I think that goes a long ways in how kids react.
She didn't expect him to love
She didn't expect him to love them, to bond with them, to spend time with them... The only requirement was that he was not mean to them.
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I am kind of this way. These are my kids. I will raise them. Their dad has fallen off the face of the earth and I have done a darn fine job of raising them myself, I don’t need to find them a daddy. I am enough.
They all get along really well. They love him and he loves them. But they do not, nor do I, expect him to act like a father to my kids. He has a kid that he fathered. That is his kid.
Also let me clarify…DH and I did not live together or get married until we “dated” for over 8-9ish years. My personal beliefs on why so many 2 marriages fail are because everyone jumps in SOOO quick these days to find a new mommy or daddy for their kids. I did not push an SO on them at all to be daddy. (not good in my opinion)
IT works for us.