I have read about disengaging in numerous places and I recognize that I have already started doing this due to my frustration with how my wife parents. I am not being backed up in reinforcing what we had agreed to were our limits and the boundaries and rules change without my knowledge. I recognize that each time this happens, it is setting an expectation in the weed smoking SD and setting a precident for my BD who at 10-years old, loves her sister and can be influenced. Being from a family with 3 siblings, I know how important the sibling relationships are, both in the short term and over our/their lifetimes, and also how influential they can be... especially when one is almost 10 years older. Parenting to me is about decreasing risks and preparing kids was best as possible - and that includes not putting them in situations that they are not ready for.

I suspect that I know the answer to this question already, but how do I disengage from the skids while maintaining my boundries and protecting my BD? Sorry if I missed an older post that is exactly this question since I am sure that I am not the first stepdad with this question.