Bioparent undermining the step parent.

Forums:

Am I the only person who this winds up?
I have a thing about sniffing up snot (usually results in me shouting BLOW YOUR NOSE)
Its vile, and its not good for small peoples belly's (makes you feel sick after a while)
SO my SS has a cold and I have been telling him a lot to not sniff, to blow his nose.
My dp comes downstairs and sits and sniffs and sniffs and sniffs, then when I say to him, please blow your nose ive just told ss off for that, he starts taking the complete mickey out of me and SS joined in!
Would this peeve anyone else off? We do have a jokey relationship but I wouldn't take the mickey out of him in front of SS it's wrong.
Or am I just being petty?

My Grandfather was an ENT

My Grandfather was an ENT surgeon and believed sniffing was better than blowing...but if it really grosses you out, you need to make sure SS knows how to blow correctly, so as to avoid getting infection in his eustacean tubes.

I had a thing with the

I had a thing with the sniffling too. I kept telling SS to blow his nose and DH asked what it hurts. I told him SS would end up with a sinus infection or it would make him nauseas. 2 days later, SS had a massive sinus infection and I refused to take off of work to take SS to the doctors, DH had to take off of work. I won that battle. Now SS will blow his nose when he needs to.

As for DH acting that way in front of SS, thats unacceptable. That is basically teaching SS that it is ok to treat you that way too. I would pull your DH up for that and tell him how you feel and why its wrong.

thanks for the advice, ss is

thanks for the advice, ss is a sickly child, gets lots of colds etc (has had a cough/ snotty nose for weeks on end) and I hate sniffing anyway cos its gross and im aware it makes you experience nausea/ vomiting.
I was more annoyed with dp's reaction than the actual issue! I wasnt happy he undermined me, its hard enough being the step parent without someone knocking you down

I think the bigger issue

I think the bigger issue here, sniffing vs. blowing debate aside, is about undermining each other. The problem with being a stepparent is it really isn't your child - if the bioparent isn't going to enforce something, good luck. -shrug- It's one of those times you need to disengage and let him parent how he parents, and turn your attention elsewhere.

That being said, if it is a priority to him that the two of you present a united front, which is the optimal situation in any family, he should really not undermine you in front of them. It means when you ask or tell them to do something your husband DOES agree with, the kids might not listen because husband has taught them that what you say doesn't need to be acknowledged. I don't think your man is doing this intentionally - he probably just doesn't realize that's the message being sent. I would sit down with him calmly and explain how and why that isn't a good action on his part and that, in the future, if he disagrees with something you say to let it go in front of the kids and address it with you, in private, later.

Nose blowing, of course, isn't a huge issue in and of itself, but the pattern behind what you described should be stopped.

yeah nose blowing isnt a

yeah nose blowing isnt a massive issue, just irritating, its the fact he undermined me so forcefully and made his son laugh at me in the process. Overall we present a united front, we attend school things together, discuss things before we talk to him, so on so forth. We also have a common agreement about what is right and wrong behaviour. However my dp is a LOT more leniant on ss than he would be with i imagine our own children (as he is not this leniant with any other child) he has told me repeatedly that he tends to walk away when ss irritates/ does wrong instead of shouting at him as he doesnt want to upset him (i think a lot of people refer to it as guilty parenting on here) he missed a lot between ss being 2 and 6 and I feel he doesn't discipline him as much as he should because of it.
He is a good father and we do work together and MOST of the time we are on the same page, just I think DP takes way too much cheek from ss and lets things like manners etc pass him by where I don't, we both agree he shouldn't be doing certain things (not saying please/ being cheeky etc) I am just more inclined to tell ss off for such things whereas he will let it go/ make a joke out of it until it gets to the point where he is unholy irritated by something and he will either snap or leave the room

Is this something that will iron itself out with more contact and consistancy from me?
Or will it continue forvever

Again, it really sucks and

Again, it really sucks and can be super frustrating, but how he parents is up to him in this situation. If it were a biological child of you both you'd have more sway, but as the stepparent you can really just offer advice to your husband and hope for the best. Based on what you described, I disagree with those parenting choices too so I definitely hear ya. I'm just not sure if you'd be able to do much about it. I would suggest, if your husband won't budge, to disengage from it.

United front is good though. I'm glad to hear that isn't a problem most of the time.

Yeah I'm glad its a united

Yeah I'm glad its a united front most of the time, it makes me feel a lot less like the evil witch, I even have a reasonably good status with BM's family who often take note of my suggestions (he's badly behaved for bm and school but reasonably well behaved with us atm). I guess its more frustrating because I feel like his parent 99 percent of the time but when things like that happened its a very quick bash down to earth that ' your not so but out'
it doesnt happen very often mind so i guess i should count my blessings.