My opinion on why bm's don;t want us to treat skids the same as our own.
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I have heard this the whole time I have been with my dh, 'you should always treat your skids the same as your own'. Well really the bm doesn't want us too b/c if I treated my skids the same as my own I would indeed be the evil stepmom 
. I believe in being very firm and hard on my kids, I push them to do their best and I don't let them do what ever they want. I AM a parent! So why is that you are expected to treat skids like your own but then when you do you are accused of being mean to them and treating them worse than your own??? So it is damned if you do and damned if you don;t right?
If I, as the BF/SD, am the
If I, as the BF/SD, am the safe zone how do I keep the skids from walking all over me? Not questioning your logic, I like it, I just need the NEXT set of instructions
I am very glad you feel that
I am very glad you feel that way. We need more bm's like you. And for the record I feel the same way you do. However my bm is sooo not that way. She wants me to have nothing to do with the boys at all except to make sure they get money or things from me and that I am responsible for their stuff! So therefore I know that she doesn't want me to treat her kids the same as mine but she wants to make sure they are treated better than mine. She proved it when she demanded that her kids have their own rooms and that she didn't care about my kids but her better have their own rooms period! It didn't happen but still. ggrrr
WTF!!! Who the hell does she
WTF!!! Who the hell does she think she is!?!? If my SK BM said that to me, I think I'd probably back hand her. Not really, but if she wants everyone to have their own rooms then she can stop accepting that child support so you can afford a bigger house. If not, then you are staying exactly where you are. It's your house, your rules, and your decisions. That's that.
*I have prego hormones like crazy today, so my posts are a little...blunt right now.*
I think there is a line on
I think there is a line on behavior you have a right to correct in your own home, no matter who's children you have. I spank my BS when he acts up and put the stepkids in the corner or send them to their rooms. But about two months ago I was at home alone with my BS and my 3 SK so four in all. It can get hectic getting everyone ready for bed and there is always a bunch of yelling between the kids and sometimes it gets violent. My SD12 was in the bathroom for a good 30 minutes and I told her to get out so someone else could use it. She wouldn't hurry up so my SS5 starts kicking the door..hard. Kicks it so hard that the paint around the frame cracked a little. I told him to stop it and the SD would be out soon. 2 minutes later he's kicking the door again, more paint cracks so I put him in the corner. I had barely time to get back to laundry and he's there again. This time he's kicking so hard stuff is falling off the ceiling. I am now livid. (We live in a 60 year old house, so it doesn't hold together very well these days, thanks U.S. Army) Anyway, I took him by the arm and gave him a pretty good swat on the hiney. Not hard but firm. It was the only time I've every spanked any of them but the situation warranted it. He definitely stopped and hasn't kicked a door since. I told him twice, and sent him in the corner with not avail. Nothing was ever said about it. Deep down, SS5 knew he was in the wrong and knew he got what he deserved. If my son was doing it, he would have gotten a spaking the FIRST time. So, I think there is a situation for everything.
You may have saved me alot of
You may have saved me alot of heartache if I would have read this 4 years ago. I think by treating SS like my own is what messed everything up. Ill be damned if I let a child run my household, do whatever they please, ect. I wouldn't let my own children do that and I treated stepson as if he was my own.
Texasbell to clarify bm
Texasbell to clarify bm wanted skids to have their own rooms in MY house not her. Like I said it didn't happen. the only one that has her won room here is my dd b/c the others are boys she is the only girl. We have a 4 bedroom home so 2 boys in each room. That was the problem she had. She said I need to give the other 3 rooms to her kids and mine didn't get a room. Talk about loony!
So where is your DH when it
So where is your DH when it comes to disciplining his kids? What are his thoughts? are you too hard on your kids or does he agree with you? Contrary to popular belief, kids don't make the realization that the firm reality-based parent is more stable or right than the disneyland parent. Many kids that are raised to be little princes and princesses never grow out of it.
Well dh does think I'm too
Well dh does think I'm too hard my kids as I think he is too lax on his. But we compromised for when the boys are here. It took a long time to get there but we did it. We agree WAY more than he and bm do though. What we do is that respect is #1 and if he disagrees he will wait and tell me later. And IF after we talk I think he is right I'll go back and say I grounded ss for a week and after we talk I thiknk maybe a few days is better. I'll just tell ss that after thinking about it on my own that I may have been too harsh (I mean not everyone is perfect) but let him know what he did was wrong and reduce it to just a few days. does that make sense? But in NO way do the boys think that dh and I are not on the same page. Now I must admit that he does the same thing to me with my kids as well, Like I said he thinks I'm too hard even on my own kids. I look at it this way that he would do the same to me if there was no skids.
Dh is the one that normally disciplines his kids though but if he is not home I do it.
If you and DH aren't singin'
If you and DH aren't singin' from the same pew, you're banging your head on a very hard brick wall.
umm not sure what you mean
umm not sure what you mean but even in a normal household I'm sure that most couples don;t always agree on parenting so hence the taking aside and not in front of the kids and talking about it and compromising.
YES. I'm a firm believer that
YES. I'm a firm believer that you show a unified front even if you disagree with your partner, and then when the kids are off in their rooms or at OP's house you hash it out away from them and come back the next time of like mind so you can always be seen as speaking with the same voice.