Narcissism: Is it just kids of divorce or are nuclear families raising royalty?
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Is it just me or are kids of divorce more prone to develop narcissistic behavior more than nuclear families? Is it the threat of having your child taken away that exacerbates the problem that never seems to normalize? How is it possible to bring focus to that so the BM understands that its the child who should e seeking the parents approval and not the other way around?
my ex had admitted to me one
my ex had admitted to me one day that when he got full custody of exsd, he and his mother didnt know what kind of emotional state she would be in, so they just let her do whatever made her happy and gave her whatever she wanted. they thought they were helping her to adjust after being taken away, instead they created the monster exsd is today.
in my opinion, children of divorce are looked at as poor little people who didnt deserve a broken home. they are treated as if they have a life-threatening disease, like they will perish if they are not spoiled. its sick. the best thing for these types of kids is normalcy, as much as possible given the situation. making them higher than the adults is stupid as hell.
had my exsd been given stability, consequences, and consistancy, she may have turned out somewhat normal. instead, she was raised to get what u want any way u can, no matter who it hurts or destroys. they didnt do this on purpose, but they failed to listen to me or proffessionals.
she succeeded in ruining my relationship with her father. she succeeded in making my bd3 another statistic (a child of a broken home). but you know what? i learned and my bd3 is being raised to have manners, respect people and things, be appreciative of what she has, be polite, caring, a hardworker. she is being raised as i was raised. she gets sympathy if she is sick or hurt, but she isnt spoiled at all.
Our entitlement everyone gets
Our entitlement everyone gets a trophy society is raising royalty. It is amazing how many Gen X, Y ...... think it is their right to be supported while they live their lives with new I-Phones all on the tax payer's dime.
My cousin rencently had a talk with her 30yr old nephew (my further removed cousin) who dropped out of school abandoning a full college scholarship, married, had three kids and now lives on welfare while he and his wife buy the latest techno toys and their three young children recieve head start benefits, school lunches, etc.....
My cousin told the looser that if he was not going to go back to college and graduate he needed to get a job bagging groceries and work his way up so that he could support his family and set an example for his kids. He responded in tears "Aunt (Name Here) you are trying to break my spirit and are deminishing my worth as a human being".
I think it is time to put people like him in modern versions of the CCC or WPA and have them picking up garbage, building trails in national parks, breaking big rocks in to small rocks, etc if they won't get off of their lazy asses and support themselves.
What people like this dipshit don't understand is that beyond the value of the mineral content of their bodies they have no redeeming value as a human being if they don't earn it.
For morons like this I am good with processing their bodies for the mineral content . }:)
Anything to get them off of the taxpayer dole or to step up and be accountable for themselves and their own children.
Grrrrr! and other angry noises as my kid is fond of saying.
Uhhh... what that guy doesn't
Uhhh... what that guy doesn't realize is that he has no spirit and his worth as a human being is only to redistribute what little charity money society gives him.
The whole world has gone to hell in a handbasket.
THANK YOU storiesbysteve !!!!
THANK YOU storiesbysteve !!!! I am a single mother of two ages 3&5 and i'm dating a divorced man and father of 3 but my fears are also followed by insecurities and broken comfort zones. I had it down pact and smooth running for the last 3 of 5 years alone. my kids are so confused by the ways of his kids it just kills me and then now finally they're experiencing what should maybe be a father figure and he's just not very interactive or sensitive to kids even his own. i'd rather my kids neve know what a dad is rather than have a bad experience. k so i'm sorry i'm venting but you recognized single moms and that's rare. sorry to blab on
I may lose it this time. My
I may lose it this time. My husband is a sucker for a sob story to begin with, but earlier this year he committed us to being financial support to my SS's(19) SB(20) (the ex-wife's second husband's child that isn't actually his) by saying we'd help him with bail bond.
"It only takes a couple of flakes working together to create an avalanche of destruction" - demotivators
Bail bonds, developed into court costs, that developed into a car, into auto repairs, now he wants us to put up an attorneys retainer to keep him out of jail, which won't happen. There are warrants out for his arrest because at his sentencing they took a break and he decided to leave the courthouse because they are going to send him to jail for 18 months - 4 years., instead of 6 months in youth trainee camp.
My husband's thinking is really starting to bother me. He told him to run. Go and earn a lot of money so he can come back and fix his legal problems. Anyone see any flaws in this? I just got off the phone with my husband and he thinks he has the right to get angry with me for being angry with him for getting us into this mess. Since he's out of town he justifies not having to deal with this by saying "I'm far to busy with work to be bothered with that." (Said in regard to someone else's problem). I married a narcissistic person, and I think I want to call it quits.
I agree with Rags......... We
I agree with Rags.........
We have become so politically correct with everything that you can no longer have a child that Wins due to effort. Everyone gets a blue ribon. Thought on that being that if you actually tell a kid they came in last place you will make them feel worthless.
I have a really good example here:
We live on the upper coast of Texas and belong to one of the largest school districts in the state.
Texas Department of Education has deemed that all schools must now give the earned grade on a report card instead of just giving a child a 50. Now this 50 is given weather they attempt the assignment or just choose not to do it. Our district has banned with 4 other districts and are involved in bring legal action against the state to stop this. We live in a wealthy district and can not make these poor little prince and princesses feel like they are failures. This made my blood boil.
My take on what we are raising today:
If we treat children like this they will never develop any drive or passion. No true work ethic therefore no real morals.
If we allow these children this behavior then if they choose not to go to work then they will feel as if they should at least get 50% of their pay....is this not what they are being taught?
I dont think it is only children from divorced families but us as a society in whole that have created these little darlings.
My ex is queen of a
My ex is queen of a narcissist person. She tops all. Trust me. She teachs our kids that it is ok to do and behave any way they want. When they are with me, I don't tolerate any disrespect or bad behaviour one bit. She also does everything they want , like they are entiled. It is sad that they won't do well in the world unless I teach them that a narcissist is a evil, and lonely way to go in life. When they get older, I will explain what a piece of garbage their mother turned out to be.
"When they get older, I will
"When they get older, I will explain what a piece of garbage their mother turned out to be."
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Chances are, whether they say it to you or not, they'll know. In my opinion, you telling them will only reflect poorly on you in their eyes.
well, I told her all this she
well, I told her all this she is doing will backfire. And, it will, no doubt. I don't bad mouth her now, but, when the girls are older, the files of papers I will keep is a open book.
DH & I have kept everything
DH & I have kept everything as well. It will be there for skids to reference if they choose to do so. I know that any child who experiences life between 2 parents who can't get along will have questions, & I believe they will need answers in order to be able to ever feel at peace. All of these things that should be kept between the parents...even if it only seeps a bit at a time, is poisonous to kids. We will have everything available to them should they wish to see it as adults. We won't push it on them, & we won't address them with it. We will wait for them to come to us for it.
At 13 & 16, I believe both skids now in their hearts that BM has been unfair to DH, & she has pulled them into it. Putting myself in their shoes, I can't imagine having to face the fact that my mother was a POS. It would be difficult for any child to say out loud. SS16, I feel certain, will reach a breaking point & he'll tell her what he thinks of her. SD13, however, has a tender heart & will keep her feelings to herself & remain loyal to BM despite the sacrifice of never being able to voice her love for her dad. That's just how she is.
We have kept a comprehensive
We have kept a comprehensive telephone log of every call between my wife and the SpermClan over the past 17 years. We have copies of the Judgement, supplemental rules, etc .....
The crown jewel is court recordings of the hearings when BioDad and SpermGrandMa are spouting their toothless idiot vitriolic crap. We keep a small tape player and batteries in the drawer so the recordings can be easily listened to.
We have shown the drawer in the file cabinet to our son (my SS) and he has browsed it several times when he is struggling with the creative interpretations of visitation schedule, CS and sharing of medical expenses from the SpermClan. They rag on him during visitation about how they can not afford CS, half of the cost of plane tickets, half of medical bills not covered by insurance ............
Each time he browses the files he will be quiet of a couple of days then start to talk about the situation and share his thoughts. Once he starts sharing things will roll out steadily over a week or so. He has no dilusions on the quality of person/people his BioDad and the entire spermclan are. He will occassionally get devensive of their behavior and throw out an "it's not fair that they have to ....... and we live so well". He knows that those comments are followed by the "facts are good or bad they are just facts and the fact is that their problems are the result of their bad decisions .........." lecture which he has perfect understanding of.
I recommend that you don't badmouth the BM to your girls but also do not shield them from the facts of the situation if they ask or make a statement that is not accurate. When they are old enough giving them a tour of the Custody/Visitation/Support drawer so they can absorm the facts and form their own decisions is a good idea. My son (SS-17) has commented regularly over the years that he appreciate his mom and I not badmouthing the SpermClan but also willingly discussing the facts of his Custody/Visitation/Support situation and giving him access to the records.
Good luck and best regards.
Kids are smart, they know which parent(s) have their best interests at heart and which parent(s) are worthless pieces of shit.
There is a wonderful book on
There is a wonderful book on this topic called, "Narcissism Epidemic - Living in the Age of Entitlement" by Twenge. It is an abolute must-read. I first saw Dr. Twenge on a TV program where she was lecturing on the issue. I was fascinated and thus bought the book. Just about all the issues you all have brought up here, she addresses. And her prediction is pretty dire - when you have an entire generation who are brought up within a narcissistic framework and thus, "entitled" it does not bode well for society as a whole. She also cites how this particular younger generation is very very different in its spoiling. (As opposed to the standard generational - "Oh these kids today don't have it rough compared to when I grew up." kind of thing)
OMG! Crayon "I predict a huge
OMG! Crayon
"I predict a huge boom in elder abuse as our generation gets older and the generations to come, start robbing us blind, beating us and killing us as they go about their savage, feral, entitled way of life."
it's already bad, but you're right, it will only get worse with all the entitled, i don't have to work for it, youths flooding are population!
hahahahaha mil signed skids
hahahahaha
mil signed skids up for "feel good" sports, the one where every player is mvp..... even ss who didn't go to 85% of the games and less than 30% of the practices..... was a winner
how do people find this good for kids with no disabilities?
but mil has praised skids for the stupidist things since i've known dh...... turning on/off the dvd by the age of 8 is no big accomplishment to me, but too mil it was as if they discovered mars... and wipe their own ass by 8, hell that must have been the discovery of life on mars.... but ss10 still pissing in the bed and sd13 stealing and telling lies --- according to mil, it never happens... *sigh* i mean :sick:
you evil
you evil bitch!
hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
i bet you have a wonderful, mature, respectful son. Good 4 U!!!
HELL YA maux !!! that's
HELL YA maux !!! that's exactly how i've been for 5 years raising two alone until SO come into my life with ALL the CRAP... ITS KILLING ME.