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Stepfamily Budget

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Fri, 06/04/2010 - 3:30pm

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Blended Family Issues

I am the major contributor to my family's budget due mostly to the insane amount of child support that DH pays. I also receive support for my 3 BIOs from EX. A large amount of that money also goes to things that benefit SKIDS...DH want to but them the most expensive gifts and wants to take them to all the cool expensive places when they are around. This seems unfair to me. How do you handle household budgets when it comes to buying things for the kids there full time versus the ones there every other weekend and all summer?

buttercookie's picture

Submitted by buttercookie on Fri, 06/04/2010 - 9:50pm

The kids who are there full time deserve to have more spent on them, the others get child support and thats what the child support is for. Don't let your kids do without so the skids can be pampered.

jojo68's picture

Submitted by jojo68 on Sat, 06/05/2010 - 9:46am

Poisonivy....I agree with LaurenW...you should keep the CS you get for your BC and keep it separate...it isn't fair or right that someone's else's kids get any of that money. Perhaps your DH is paying a bigger percentage than he should. Maybe you should talk to someone and see if there is any way of reducing it if it too much.

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Sat, 06/05/2010 - 2:06pm

And thus the reason many BMs don't want to have to show what the money is being spent on...heck, w/my DHs cs, I know he supports all 3 of witch's kids...her "rent" shared w/inlaws is a total of about 285USD a month if the house is not already paid for...DH pays 2times as much cs for his kid than her husband pays total for 2kids w/different BMs...same state ca guidelines...but her new kids have iPods, cells, laptops, brandname all, month long vacations, etc, etc, etc...if she had to account for the cs she received from DH it would be obvious he supports her 3 kids...

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Thu, 06/10/2010 - 11:13am

I apologize, maybe I phrased my question wrong. What I would like to know is whether the family budgets change according to the SKIDS visitation schedules and how such things as bithdays and holiday gifts are handled. My DH likes to spend a lot of extra money when his kids are around and I am of the opinion that the spending on their birthday and Christmas should be limited when it puts a strain on our budget. When I say that my ex's CS payments contribute occasianlly to things that benefit the SKIDS, i'm talking about a roof over their heads, food to eat and things like that....not that I'm taking them out on spending sprees and Dubai vacations, LaurenW.

midwestmama's picture

Submitted by midwestmama on Thu, 06/10/2010 - 2:28pm

Well let's face it, when you put it all into one pool...it's difficult to tell how it's getting spent or who it's getting spent on. And if your contribution (including CS received from your ex) adds up to more than your DH contributes because so much goes out the door to his ex (I can relate there! ...but I dont have kids from previous, so no CS is coming in to me), then by default, I'd say yes, your ex's money is going toward your SK's in some way or another. And that isnt right. Obv you agree because you posed the question.

Since I only have "ours" kids with DH, and DH has the one son (booty call gone wrong) who he pays out the nose for...and I"m the breadwinner...we keep our money separate. For one, BM got the CS backdated from day one, so it's always been in arrears and DH has been warned that any type of refund etc will go right to her. With that agency having carte blanch access to DH's money, I refuse to put his name on any account of mine. We simply rely on my income too much to have some big amount yanked without notice! We are actually legally divorced now and file taxes separately as well. I wont consider being legally tied to DH again until SS is 18 and BM no longer has any hold over him. If that kid goes out and vandalizes something, or injures someone in a car accident (or worse)...DH could be liable and I dont want to be tied to that and have to "pay" (or have my kids "pay") for any more of DH's mistakes.

So to answer your question, we keep our money separate. I tell DH how much he needs to give me for our household bills just to stay afloat (which is far less than I contribute, and he could NEVER survive on his own with that small amount) but I make enough money that it doesnt matter. I give everything I have to OUR kids/household, but DH remains divided because of SS. It just is what it is.

I am confused's picture

Submitted by I am confused on Thu, 06/10/2010 - 4:18pm

I think you need to start separating some money. Generate a budget that shows exactly how much discretionary income you have after paying the necessities out of your earnings. The rest of the money that comes from cs is spent on items like clothing, etc., for the kids FOR WHOM it was intended, and if there is money left over for good times from your earnings then everyone gets to enjoy it, but if it's from cs then RIGHTLY the guy who is paying it should expect that it's used on HIS KIDS.

He didn't sign on to entertain your DH's kids.

Just my theory...

Hmmm's picture

Submitted by Hmmm on Thu, 06/10/2010 - 6:49pm

Your kids are raised on money you earn, plus child support from your ex. His kids are raised primarily on money he sends the BM. He wants to have fun with his kids when they come stay with him--by spending his money, which he's spending on them when they're with you rather than sending to their mother? I'm not sure I see the problem.