I'm nearing 26 yrs old with a 10 year old stepson, a 3 year old son, and a baby boy on the way. I have been in my stepson's life for 5 years. Until recently, we lived near my SS's BioMom and my husband and her shared joint custody. My husband was just awarded primary custody and we moved 1200 miles away due to a job. I stay at home and attend college online. My SS's BioMom is manipulative, vindictive, irresponsible, and selfish. I tried to be civil with her in the beginning, but she has major issues. She was pregnant when she met my husband. She told him she felt like she had to sleep with her boss (I've heard of screwing your way up the corporate ladder, but a bar-owner?). She got an abortion and my husband and her started a relationship. They started having issues shortly after dating, but she became pregnant. Apparently she stopped taking her birth control for whatever reason. Then, all of a sudden, abortion wasn't for her anymore, despite her past decision and their current unhealthy relationship. My husband married her, and they seperated soon after my SS was born. She felt that she shouldn't have to work. When my husband and I started dating, she told my SS she didn't like me, and that her and his Dad would get married again. Meanwhile, she would tell my SS to lie to her current boyfriend about previous boyfriends. She also would have innappropriate conversations with him about her life, and what a victim she was. She had endless opportunities of school, employment, and even a trust fund. But she screwed them all up and blames everyone and everything but herself for her current economic situation. So, obviously, this woman has been a toxic influence on my SS. When she found out I was pregnant with my son, she suddenly became pregnant with her boyfriend's baby. The same boyfriend that broke up with her a few days before she found out I was pregnant. The same boyfriend that called her a whore. I know this because the few days before she found out I was pregnant, she called my husband crying and asking him to take my SS a day earlier so she could work things out with her boyfriend. Anyway, the lady's nuts. There's no doubt in my mind she wanted to get pregnant. So I have my son and she had hers. Then during a fight with her boyfriend, she decides she needs to move out of state for family support and signs a parental agreement allowing my husband to have more time with my SS. Now to the present . . .

My SS has abused my son behind closed doors. Once I peeked in while my son was lovingly looking at my SS (my son was 2 and my SS was 9). He started to talk to him, and my SS pressed his face up against my sons, with the nastiest look I've ever seen, growled at him and squeezed my sons ears as hard as he could, until my son started crying. He left bruises on my son's ears. My husband likes to believe if it's not happening now, it's not an issue. I, on the other hand was disturbed by this, and other acts I've seen when he thought I wasn't looking, like pointing his toy gun at my son's head with a hateful look on his face. I understand my SS could be misdirecting anger, but I don't think it's an excuse. I experienced crazy things when I was young and visiting my father. I then grew up without him in my life. I was hurt that he didn't love me enough to be responsible for me. My mother started dating my stepdad when I was 8. I loved him. She married him when I was 11. Even though he brought discipline in the house, I still loved him. They had children and I could never imagine hurting them. I love them with all my heart. If I was angry about something, I'd tell my Mom. And I appreciated what my stepdad did for me. So I guess I don't think it's an excuse for someone with a difficult past to misdirect anger. When I first met my SS, he was charming, but I soon realized that's how he is when he meets new people. He's fake. He's a terrible friend. He's had many good friends, that, when he finds someone else that is older and "cooler" in his mind, he becomes mean to them. He lies all the time about any little thing to get what he wants or to make himself look like something he's not. He talks back. He's spoiled. I realize this is partly my husband's fault as well. My husband still continues to teach my SS the same things while my SS sits back and enjoys the service. For example, my husband has been "teaching" my SS how to clean and organize his room for the past few years. He also has continued to teach him how to cut his food and clean a dish, because everything is "hard" for my SS. Meanwhile, my 3 year old takes pride in doing things for himself. I feel that my husband favors my SS. For reasons big and small. I notice that anytime my husband prepares a meal, my SS is served first. It's instinctual. My husband has never missed tucking in my SS for bed, but has missed many nights tucking in our 3 year old. When it does happen, it's usually because I remind him to do it. I really feel that my husband cares more about my SS than any of us, and I am used to be the nanny while he's at work. I helped him gain custody, because if I weren't home, he wouldn't be able to have him full-time. My husband would be paying for my SS to be in before and after school care. My husband insists he loves me and everyone the same, but I can't help the way I feel. I feel miserable in this situation, but I know it wouldn't be great to be a single Mom of two and divorced either, especially when I love my husband. I have a history of depression, and unfortunately my husband makes me feel that because of that, my feelings aren't validated. I'm "oversensitive" and I "over-react". I feel that's easy to say when I'm taking care of his son. If I didn't have to take care of him, and he was with his Mom more often, that I would feel better, but the reality is I spend more time with him than anyone and my husband has the final say in how he's raised at the end of the day. He lies everyday, and it's exhausting to get the truth or have him be accountable. The talks and lectures do not work, and he continues to get everything he wants. He doesn't try in school, but he's bright. I feel like I waste my time helping when he doesn't care. He doesnt take anything seriously but his playtime. He sees his Mom once a month and is happy with that schedule. He will be spending Spring Break with her and I'm looking forward to it. I'm also looking forward to this summer when he spends most of it with his mother. I don't want to live my life looking forward to him leaving. I wish there was another way. I wish we could be a happy family. But he's everything I don't like in a person. All my of my friends have qualities he doesn't have, and his personality is similar to other people in my life that I don't like to be around. I didn't know what I was getting myself into because I was 22 when I met my husband (he was 33), and I had no idea this would be our life. I have a great intuition about people. I have been right about every "friend" and person that has screwed my husband over or claimed to be someone they were not. My husband praises me on my ability to spot a phony. Unfortunately, my SS is one of them, and instead of admitting it and trying to guide him in a different direction, my husband denies there's a problem. Sometime he will admit he has issues, but he never follows through with any discipline. The saddest part in my opinion is that I'm looking forward to having this baby so I can go ahead and get on medication to help mask my feelings. Knowing that without medication I have good insight on things, it seems wrongs to have to medicate myself in order to get through my life. It feels unfair to me and my son (and my son on the way). I want to be myself and be happy, but that doesn't seem possible right now.

Any advice? I'm tired of feeling filled with bitterness, anger, frusteration, sadness, and hopelessness.