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IF YOU KNEW THEN WHAT YOU KNOW NOW!

KJMom's picture

Just wondering, how many of you would not start in your current relationship if you knew how hard having step-children & BM in the picture would be on you ??? Why ? or Why Not?

blondie66's picture

I would. My situation with BM/skids is as bad as the next one but I love him SO MUCH. I fell in love with him at FIRST SIGHT at the "tender" age of 35 Smile He proved to be, not just handsome, but smart and charming and loving and caring and sweet and I just didn't stand a chance. If there is such a thing as "love of one's life", he is certainly mine.
I will NOT let that stupid b!tch and those spoiled brats take that away from me!

sadstepmom26's picture

Nope. Love him he's great but I'd like someone to experience the firsts of marriage and child birth and stuff with me. Also I probably would be so jaded about having my own.

TheWife's picture

I am going to put this another way:

If I knew then, when I was having so so so so many problems with the situation, what I know NOW about how to blend everyone and our roles, it wouldn't have been so hard. Smile

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

StepMadre's picture

I love my husband so much, I would absolutely choose to go through all of this again. That being said, I would definitely do things very differently and start standing up for myself way sooner than I did. I would know how to handle the psycho BM and wouldn't have put up with the crap that I did...

"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they will kill you." ~Oscar Wilde

KJMom's picture

I love my husband more than anything & when we do not have to deal with SD & BM we have such a great time together & everything is more than I could have ever hoped for in a marriage! I WOULD marry him BUT I would have done things differently! I would have not allowed things to go how they did the first 4 years of our marriage (been married for 5 yrs)
I wish I was the first to expierience childbirth & marriage with him...that does bother me that I was not the first! But I wouldn't let that stand in my way from being with my soulmate! The BM got prego on purpose & he married her only bcus of my SD.
I do wish I could go back to the begining & change how I allowed certain things to happen that made me feel disrespected & I said nothing! Today things are differnt because I will not allow it
Thank you for all of your responses! Smile I'm glad I'm not alone in this, like I have often felt!

Purpleflower09's picture

I love my husband, but right now after several years of laying docile, bio bitch is taking us through the ringer and calling the shots. She doesn't even have the kids ( a very long story ). But she does not work and does not pay ANY child support and never has. She refuses to provide a phone number to contact her. When she calls to speak to the children, she blocks her number. No one in her family knows the number either. SO if something happend to the children we would have NO way of getting a hold of her. I don't know sometimes I don't think it was ever worth it, marrying a man with children...I would NEVER marry a man with children if I had to do it over again knowing what I know now.

" Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it's still dark"-R.Tagore

Abalyn's picture

I second Crayon, NO F'N WAY!

I love my husband dearly, but before I got remarried I was a happy, together, single mom. Now I'm a miserable, depressed mess that just wishes I could pack up my kids and move away.

And maybe back over BM and SD with the moving truck.

redheaded_stepmom's picture

I'm right there with you, Abalyn. I actually told my mom that exact thing yesterday.

devilwoman's picture

I third! No way. I love DH, but I feel exactly the same as Abalyn. My life was calm and peaceful before, I had plenty...not rolling in money, but doing fine. My kids and I were okay.

Now things truly suck. I really feel like this is a huge mistake.

And yes, I do still love my husband. Sometimes, though, love is not enough.

TCPCAW4E's picture

I have to agree with you sometimes love just isnt enough!!!!NO F'N WAY if I knew then what I know now. My kids and I were just fine and content before. Sometimes thinss get so hectic I think my kids and I should go back to our house and call the wedding off. You shouldnt have to feel tortured because you fell in love with someone that has baggage.

Most Evil's picture

I think I would still do it. But I had to think about it! lol
_________________________________________________________
“Learn by practice.” - Martha Graham

soverysad's picture

Despite Wingnut's ridiculous idea that she is a part of our marriage, dh has made my life better. After 4 years, I still get warm and fuzzy inside everytime I see him. Wink

We took the high road and WON!! We've been dealt a crappy hand otherwise, but we're much stronger together than either of us ever were apart.

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

Rags's picture

Yes, without one picosecond of hesitation. She is my soul mate, my joy, my bliss, the love of my life and fire of my loins. (goofy movie line but true). She makes me better than I would be without her.

Though my life would be amazing without her, she makes it more incredible. Though I am 12yrs older than my wife and have experienced amazing things before I met her, experiencing new things with her and repeating things I have experienced before through her eyes with the ray of her smile to cast a new light on a repeat experience puts our life beyond my ability to describe with words.

And ........ as a bonus I got a pretty good kid in the deal.

Now, where is that lazy aggravating kid? I am going to go strangle him! }:)

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

Silver's picture

Rags do you have a younger brother, or a nice cousin perhaps? I'm not so sure that I have ever heard a man speak so highly of his wife before. My daddy loves my mother without a doubt and he's pretty much an amazing man but not even he speaks about her like this.

"I have always loved the time before dawn because there is no one around to remind me who I am suppose to be, so it is easier to remember who I am." - unknown

Rags's picture

I have two younger brothers. One surviving. He will be 40 next month ........ he has been married for sixteen years and they have three kids.

I do have a couple of close friends that I trust would be good guys.

I will pimp them for bargain basement prices and bidding starts now!

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

unhappy2happy's picture

Oh my god, tooo funny, I also was impressed and dare I say jealous of the way you spoke about your wife. About the close friends.... just kidding.

Now that all of us are jealous of your wife, I will answer the original question. Yes I love my husband and as of today I would marry him all over again. As of two days ago don't think so. Next year??? we shall see.

giveitago's picture

I am grinning like a cheshire cat! That's so sweet, I feel the same way about my husband, no age difference to speak of but the experiences we are sharing now are wonderful. Kids are in their terrible teens but we are over the worst . Smiles are the best!!

steppingover's picture

with all the issues we are having
I still think I would because the skids wont be in our home forever. Soon enough the will move out!!!
I also think that it is not always the kids fault they are the way they are but more the parents

Last-Wife's picture

I ask myself this every day. The answer I have come up with is, "yes." But when she asked for a change in custody 5 years ago, I would have let her deal with the teenage years. The skids actions as teenagers have been what have torn us down, caused us to fight and doubt one another.

"I HAD to pick the road less traveled..."

misfit's picture

Yeah I think I'd still do it. It would take some internal convincing but I'd probably give it a go.

Shannon61's picture

Steppingover nailed it. While I love DH dearly, my biggest problems have been with his 27 year old daughter who lives with us. I'm starting to realize that most of her behavior is driven by his coddling her most of her life. Fortunatly BM hasn't give me any problems because she's now looking for a new husband herself (been divorced 15 years).

So it hasn't been what I expected and if I could do it over again, I would have waited to give SD a chance to get on her feet and move out so I wouldn't have had to deal with her BS. I feel that I'll never really know the excitment and joy that many newlyweds share because another adult lives with us (married 3 years now). I feel cheated because it's something I'll never be able to recapture.

Silver's picture

d

sugarfree's picture

Not for a million dollars. Every event feels second-hand and nothing would be worth the torture from all the harrassment and drama the BM caused or causes. She has also encouraged/allowed the skids to treat me the same. So NO NEVER!!

mylife7's picture

Yes...no...perhaps...CRAP! Ask me again in five minutes...I'm sure I'll have a different opinion lol.

redheaded_stepmom's picture

LOL, mylife7...I feel the same way. I just posted no, but now I think yes...such a difficult question to pose, but a good one.

redheaded_stepmom's picture

If I knew what I know now, probably not. I love my DH with all my heart. He is my soul mate, but the SD and her BM are psycho and I can't wait for the SD to move out (3 more years til college) and turn 18 so we don't have to deal with BM anymore. It makes me sad, but I think that is the reality. But, I am not going to let those two psychos get the best of me and my marriage. I am strong and I will not give up, I will win the fight!

usade's picture

"But, I am not going to let those two psychos get the best of me and my marriage. I am strong and I will not give up, I will win the fight!"

I love movies - your line just reminded me of Meg Ryan in French kiss, standing in the phone booth talking to her soon-to-be-ex-FMIL!

Had I known then what I know now...NO. As my dad used to say, "I may be crazy, but ain't stupid!"

Mommyto1Stepto2's picture

No, I am sorry but I wouldn't do it again. I used to be so fun and happy to be around; now I have extreme anxiety about everything, depressed, sad, stressed ALL the time.

KJMom's picture

Mommyto1Stepto2 I can relate with you....I feel like I am a worse person in this situation- I use to be a lot happier & more trusting...now I am bitter, depressed & sad most of the time Sad