Hello everyone. I'm new to this site and has read a few forum headlines to get the basics. There has been some candid advice that were pretty insightful. I hope to receive some for my own situation. I am at my wits end trying to figure out what to do. So thank you in advance!

First off, I've been married to my husband for about six years now. We fell head over heels in love and got married shortly after a year of knowing each other. I was 24 at the time. It was my first long term relationship. For him, it was his second marriage but third long term relationship. He has two daughters from his first marriage. They were 7 and 8 years of age when I met them. Now they are 14 and 15.

Back then, when we first got married, I was a budding career woman with tremendous confidence carried over from a successful college career. I thought I could conquer anything! I jump into the marriage feet first and started running. Lo and behold, how wrong I was in taking such matters of blending into a family so easily.

The first thing that went awry was the culture difference. I am of Asian descent, first generation. My husband is Caucasian. He showed great interest in my culture at first but the that slowly wane as the years go by. I tried different ways of sharing my beloved culture to my step-daughters, but like their father they barely showed any interest at all unless it was beneficial to them like Chinese News Years and the tradition of money giving. I enjoy cooking ethnic food but that slowly wane due to complaints about my constancy. So I started cooking other types of food. This change in diet for me soon led to my gaining twenty plus pounds. Being a petite woman of less than 5 feet, this led to growing health issues later on, but that is a different story.

The next thing that went awry was the youngest step-daughter. She acted up and wouldn't cooperate when I moved in. At the time, I worked full time, went to graduate school, did the housekeeping and cooking as well as tutor both girls. I didn't know what else I could have done to help the girls get use to me. The eldest and I bonded immediately and she became a tremendous help around the house. A year later, my husband unwittingly gave his youngest daughter the option to follow his rules are move in with her mother. As you can imagine, she chose the latter, much easier route. Her mother received her with open arms and doted upon her every whim. A year after that, we found out the youngest had hip pertha and needed surgery. She was left immobile for about half a year due to her cast and rehabilitation. This was when the tall tales and not so innocent lies began to happen more frequently. An example of such a lie was when she was at school recess one day, she told a hall monitor that she saw a man approach and threaten to take her away. She said he had a weapon. The school called a lock down and notified the local sheriff. It was through their questioning that they found holes in her story and the facts didn't match up. This wouldn't be the first she had a run in with the law.

It was another year later, that the youngest daughter moved back in with my husband and I. She was having troubles with her mom and her grades were degrading. During that time, my bonding with the oldest became stronger and a set routine was already established. Again the youngest didn't acclimate to the change. It was the same problems again but more graduated in levels and frequency. It was so bad at one point my husband and I separated. He cited that I was too 'negative' in complaining about everything and anything. I said that he was hypocritical in his rules and easily manipulated by his kids. You have to understand, at the time, the kids were doing poorly at school and hardly doing their chores, and yet their father continues to allow them privileges to socialize and receive luxuries without any repercussions. I grew up in a strict home that emphasize structure and discipline. He allowed his kids to run freely without restrictions, yet he expects them to do well in school.

We have separated for four months. During this time, I fully expected us to divorce and move on with our lives. I have picked up what is left of my life and attempted to move on. You have to understand, during this time, I was very much involved with this family. So much so I have alienated most of my friends. I even quit graduate school so I can focus solely on the family. I felt used and discarded at the time. I wanted to find myself and create a new path without being tethered to a family.

When I came back from a long deserved vacation, my husband contacted me (for we did kept amiable contact while separated) and asked if we could get married life another try.

During this time, most of my resentment towards the failure of our marriage has been overturned and over analyzed to a point in which I was eager to make amends. I still love my husband and care for the kids. This time around though, I tried out my new philosophy and approached married life with two step-kids a bit differently. As the kids would say, I didn't 'force' my culture down on them even though my husband always toted how they would benefit greatly from that. I held back my meticulous nature to do everything and allowed the housekeeping to lax. I even catered meals to satisfy everyone's palate, while reserving the ethnic foods for myself. This time around I was determined to watch out for my health and stress level as well as maintain a loving relationship with my husband. I gave both girls a wide berth regarding their education.

It would seem this was a wrong decision too. During this time, it was the fourth year into our marriage. I became pregnant and gave birth to a healthy baby boy. During this time, other issues occur. My eldest step-daughter began to act up, told various lies, and became unbearable to live with. Her rebellious episode lasted for only a few months thankfully. However this was the least of our worries. My youngest step-daughter was having varying outbreaks of emotional breakdowns. This occur while she was being home-schooled. Despite my opposition to this due to knowing her nature was incapable of such self discipline to be successful, my husband did so anyways. She later on told us that she was hearing a voice that tells her to act up and do bad stuff. She would attribute everything bad behavior wise to this voice. It got so bad that she was hospitalize in a mental institution for her suicide attempt. My then ten month old son was home at the time when she committed this crime to herself. She's now on medication and therapy. I still don't trust her to be alone with him and baby sit him.

Now to the present, it has been almost a year since. She's seems better, less drastically displaying her emotional rage of madness. Now though, she's voicing her opinion on everything and anything. I do appreciate her to be outspoken, though her opinions are illogical and rash. She continues to lie and now allegedly steal. We have not caught her red handed yet, but her own mother had $600 stolen and the youngest step-daughter miraculously states she worked with her friend during a whole weekend and they both received $300 for her hard labor for mowing lawn service. From experience, she hardly do her chores at home to receive allowance. Another incident, their mother's home was broken into and vandalized while the youngest step-daughter was home apparently unaware of the situation. The police report stated that again her statements has holes and the vandalism was a crime of passion. The perpetrator hated the person living there because they targeted all her beloved possessions. Again we have no proof whether she had any part in it.

These are just some samples of my step-daughter's behaviors. I have tried counseling my husband to do the right thing, yet he hardly takes my advice into consideration and it seems to get worse and worse. Both their grades are failing. My husband convinced me to pay for both girls to receive expensive private tutoring to help them bring it up and receive studying skills. From what I understand, it isn't because they lack intelligence, it is because they are both lazy and doesn't take the time to study and practice that they are in this boat. But I do care for them and is shelling out the money for it. I saw little progress so far. It has been over two months and I am $4200 poorer.

Now, recently I just found out I'm pregnant again and my husband is assigned army officer training for four months. Then by next year, he'll be on tour for a year to 15 months. What am I suppose to do? I am stressed out about the future and possible trouble ahead. Its a wrong time to have a baby yet I don't want to lose it. But I fear that it might happen anyways because of the stress.I can't help but think that my husband is abandoning me at my most vulnerable to do his duty. He says both girls will help out but I know better. Due to experience, I can't help but worry. I've even contemplated divorce to separate my worries. Sorry about the long vent. Please advise.