Forgive me for replying to my own post but now I've started venting I can't stop!

We recently went on a seaside holiday. We went down to the beach which my son absolutely loves. SS went down with him but SD opted to stay with us on the road. We walked along just a couple of hundred yards parallel to the boys and then stopped at a bench and I crossed over to get us drinks so we could sit there and watch them. OH was quite happy but a couple of minutes later SS came up as he'd seen we had drinks and started dropping hints about being hungry so OH suggested we leave, (we'd had breakfast an hour before.)

I won't lie, my son then behaved appallingly storming off up the beach in the opposite direction when I said we had to go to the cafe, (I wouldn't leave him on his own), but really, why take a kid to the beach, show it to him and then say 'right, we're going now'? If OH's kids had been happy to play on the beach, (they're only interested in shopping which my son isn't) OH would have stayed there but because they weren't it ended up with MY son being in the wrong because he expected to be able to go on the beach for more than 10 minutes, surely not that unreasonable? This happens all the time, we have to do what they want to do regardless of whether anyone else enjoys it.

RE the chipped worktop, it happened either when OH was bringing a desk into the kitchen as SD couldn't be without facebook for a whole weekend or when they tried to crap 2 chairs in front of the computer where only 1 fits. I'd specifically asked him not to bring the desk down as the room isn't completely finished yet but he said she'd be bored if she couldn't get onto the computer.

The other thing is that my son feels left out as SS and SD are very close and spend a lot of time cuddling and play fighting which obviously he can't join in with. This Sunday he said to me, 'I can't wait to see my friends tomorrow, I get really bored when I'm on my own all weekend' but in fact he HADN'T been on his own but he might as well have been!

SS and SD took turns to watch what they wanted on TV or be on the computer while my son sat upstairs playing his X box on his onw. When he eventually got a chance to use the computer, (because I asked SD to get off so I could use it and then he went on after me) they both went upstairs to play on his X box (without asking.) He'd have LOVED them to play on it with him but they don't do it until he's doing something else.

When they wake up in the morning they get dressed and go down the sweet shop without him, I don't know that it's deliberate on SD's part but I do think that SS can be a bit sly.

I'm at the stage now where I don't want them staying any more and am thinking about cancelling next years holiday with all 5 of us.

Thank you all for your replies, in the cold light of day now my seething anger has passed I feel a little petty but I did raise the issue about the TV last night. It was met how I thought it would be with 'if they're not welcome here I'll see them somewhere else' but having not long before read Katrinkle's reply I met it with a calm, 'this isn't about them not being welcome but about establishing boundaries' and he went off and thought about it for a bit and then it blew over and no more was said.

Unfortunately, jsmom, lots of TVs isn't the answer for us as we live VERY close to a railway so reception cuts out every time a train goes past! The only TV that has decent reception is the one in the sitting room which has cable. We would have to pay for any further cable connections. My son has a TV in his room just for games/watching DVDs and funnily enough, when the kitchen refit is complete, (it's moving to a different room and what was the old kitchen will become a guest room for when the SC stay over), I did think we can do the same in there.

I think the reason I've been getting so wound up about the TV is that currently the SC sleep on our sofas in the sitting room when they stay which means we have to go to bed when they do. SS is a big football fan and regularly on a Saturday night about half an hour before the big match starts he starts yawning and stretching and saying he's tired so we have ot go to bed and then, the minute we're out of the room, he puts the TV back on to watch Match of the Day! I then get wound up because OH can't see that he's been a bit sneaky about it. Once they have their own room that won't be able to happen any more so hopefully that should help matters.

As for the worktop, I don't think I can complain Buttercup, it's solid beech and has obviously been hit by something fairly heavy on the corner that has split the wood! The more I think about it the more I think that OH may have done it himself when he brought the desk down. I know that things are going to get damaged eventually, (it was almost a relief when I chipped the sink in my last house, a bit like getting the first scratch on a car), but what annoys me is that he isn't in the least bit concerned. He knows how much this kitchen meant to me, I have spent a year designing it, I work in the interiors industry in the kitchen field and this room has been my 'project'. More fuss has been made in the past when my son touched OH's guitar without asking than has been made now and he didn't even raise it with the SC to even 'ask' if they'd done it.

It's interesting to hear storiesbysteve say that this would happen in a 'normal' family. As an only child myself and with my son being an only child for most of his life I don't have too much knowledge of how normal sibling relationships work so that may have a bearing on the current situation. I remember a Christmas many years ago at an ex-boyfriend's parent's house where I sat quietly all evening waiting for my turn on the Scalextric (with other adults) without getting a turn. Unlike them, I'd not grown up having to assert myself and had no concept of barging in and demanding my turn and I don't think my son has either!

I think my issue is probably with my OH and his inconsistent parenting/steparenting skills rather than with the SC themselves. He can be very hard on my own son but there seem to be a different set of rules for his.

SS bought a PS3 with his birthday money this year and set it up in our bedroom which involved removing a scented air freshener from the plug which he spilt over the varnished surface of a chest of drawers which has stripped the varnish. If my son had done it OH would have had something to say about it but as his son did it nothing whatsoever was said, I doubt SS even knows about the damage.

SD managed to get BBQ sauce on the (cream) carpet and then walk it through two other rooms this weekend. If my son had done it we'd never have heard the last of it. Because it was SD she became the victim and the BBQ sauce apparently 'exploded' on her like she had no part in it!

I know how hard it is for him to be separated from them, (my son spent his birthday weekend with his dad for the first time ever this year and I missed him like crazy), and I think there's a good deal of guilt there that he can't afford to provide for them as he should but there shouldn't be two sets of rules.

Thank you all again for helping me to get it all a little more into perspective.

PS Katrinkle, I feel for you when you say sometimes you don't even feel comfortable in your own skin around the SC. I think we all sometimes need a place of respite to go off and breath deeply to recharge our batteries sometimes, (in our cramped motor home on our beach holiday it was our en-suite loo for me. I treated myself to a nice bar of soap, soft toilet paper and retreated there to get my head together from time to time!)

Maybe this website is our online respite.

Lovely to meet you all! x