And now I am the martyr....
I am new here and entirely fed up.
I've been the residential step-mother for almost 7 years. In that time, I've been disrespected, repeatedly lied to, and pushed to my limit more than once. I was 'gifted' a wreck of a child that was behind academically, socially, and developmentally. In less than a year, he was placed into the gifted and talented classes at school, up to speed developmentally (thanks to hours of time at occupational therapy), and making new friend.
Lying has always been an issue. BM lives over a thousand miles away and is SS's best friend. SS (14) now has it in his head that he wants to live with his mother in the land of no chores, no responsibility, and no structure. He's doing everything in his ability to leverage a case for his mother. He has a 0% F in English class because he won't do anything at all in the class. We will make him sit at the table at home and complete the work, but then he'll refuse to hand it in.
Now, he and BM are waging a personal attack against me. Since I've been pretty much the only parent the kid has, I'm going to be the martyr in the custody battle. I'm a 'wicked step-mother' because the child is grounded from EVERYTHING until he starts doing some work at school. I'm the "wicked step-mother" because I make sure he does his chores with a reasonable amount of effort. I'm the 'wicked step-mother' because my brother has cancer and I missed one of SS's dentist appointments because my brother was having emergency surgery and someone needed to watch his 3 month old son.
I've hated nearly every minute of being a step-parent and if it were so easy to just let him go and know he'd be okay, I would. However, BM didn't graduate HS and doesn't have a GED. I need this kid to have half a chance at a future. I can't see how that would happen if he went down there.
I am so fed up with all of them BM, SS, and my husband.
Here is a tip for school
Here is a tip for school w/teenagers. We had issue w/SD17 ALWAYS tardy to class---and always had some excuse. DH warned her that if it happened again, he would go to school with her and walk her to class :jawdrop: I guess SD didnt believe him, because sure enough, it happened and DH took a day to walk her to each and every class. After that, she was NEVER late.
Tell SS you or DH will go to each and every class w/him to make sure he turns in the HW he did the previous night. Should only take one time of the embarrassment of you doing it for him to make sure it is turned in.
Also, does BM want SS to live with her? Has BM said anything? Maybe time for DH to talk to her, see what she is really wanting. Kids need to know their parents, the bad and the good(if there is any). It is possible could work something else, such as---if you maintain your grades, we will make sure you get longer visitation w/BM over the holidays/summer/spring break. Something.
Shadowing him at school for a
Shadowing him at school for a day is a good idea. He definitely won't like it, and might start turning things in to avoid it in the future.
I, too, am curious about the situation with BM. Has she actually offered to take him? How much time does she spend with him now? What if he were to bring his grades up, in exchange for a summer with her? Or maybe even a semester of school (or until you see a decline in grades)? Would that be possible?
I think prayerhelps is on to
I think prayerhelps is on to something. To this day I recall a WHOLE WEEK in 5th grade when one of the boy's mom came to school and sat with him all day. He was really naughty for the teacher. Now, I can't remmeber what he would do that was so bad but I sure remember his mom coming to school and him shaping up!!
Ahhhh...The Single
Ahhhh...The Single Stepparent. Thats what I used to call myself. In the end, he isn't yours. If he's a failure, its not your fault, its his parents' fault. I know its hard to see a kid go down the drain but if his parents don't care, why should you?
I don't think she's concerned
I don't think she's concerned about who will be at fault. Her concern is for the boy, who she would like to see do well and succeed. Nothing wrong with that.