Hello everyone, thank goodness I came across this site yesterday. It's so much of a relief to know that I am not the only one who suffers from strong negative feelings towards their step children/partner's children and can be so honest and say so. I'd be interested to hear the views of others on my situation.

I have been in a relationship for nearly 15 months with a man who has three biological children aged 15, 13 and 5 - all girls. Like no doubt everyone else here, I was aware that he had children when I started the relationship and went into it with my eyes wide open in that respect. I should add that I am 35 and have no children of my own. The children stay with their father every other weekend between Thursday and Sunday afternoon and the following weekend all day on the Saturday until tea time.

I should point out that there are no issues with the 15 year old whom I have always got on with, right up to the present date.

The first 8 months of the relationship sailed along relatively smoothly - there had been some initial resistance from the 13 year old to my presence but things seemed to have ironed themselves out. I should add that the other half and soon to be ex wife (currently in the process of divorcing) have been separated for over four years and that I was the first female that had been introduced to the children. Perhaps I was choosing to ignore some of the signs during the "honeymoon period" of the relationship but late Spring this year, I started to notice changes in the behaviour of the 5 year old. She began attention seeking and was constantly trying to get inbetween me and her Father - quite literally. She would try to push us apart on the sofa, get inbetween us if we had any physical contact and would adapt a baby like persona if we were sitting on the couch touching in any way, immediately jumping onto him saying "Daddy, daddy" in a silly baby voice to detract attention back onto herself. At the same time (and again - perhaps these were things I had chosen to subconsciously ignore prior to realisation hitting me) she began having tantrums over absolutely nothing - for example, being told to eat all of her dinner, clear toys away, trying to dictate where everyone went for meals out (!), being asked to pack her clothes to go home - which would result in screaming fits. I said nothing as it felt it wasn't my place to do so.

Another month or so went along, with much of the same, to the point where yes, I did say something. I mentioned all of the above along with some (at the time, minor) issues with the 13 year old back chatting her Father with no action being taken. Naturally, defences were quite high as I was accused of criticising his parental skills which granted, I was in a way doing. However, he promised to spend some time with the 5 year old and talk to her. The situation was left at that.

With these issues partly on one side (although contributory in some ways) we decided to separate over the Summer - there had been some incidents in the relationship which I don't need to get into here (they're not relevant to the issues about the kids!) but decided to give things another try after 3 - 4 weeks of being apart.

The children were made aware that we had separated and apparently were quite ambivalent about it. Interestingly, the 13 year old removed me as a friend off Facebook (quite telling) but when she was advised that the separation had not been down to anything that I had done, added me again. She stated at the time to her Father that she had been "sticking up" for him. I accepted her friendship request.

And here is where things started to change - and not for the better.

When she realised that I was back in the picture again she again removed me as a friend off Facebook. Fed up with her behaviour, I mentioned this to her Father who in turn asked her. She stated she had "accidentally" lost some friends (?!) - I also sent her a message and asked her and she replied, saying she had explained to her Father. Since then, she has ignored me completely or spoken in one word sentences. Her Father has done nothing about this. The 5 year old's behavour has gone back to being as bad as ever - she literally behaves like a 2 year old when she doesn't get her own way, slamming doors, shouting and so on - which are just ignored, again, by her Father.

Weekends are becoming a complete nightmare and, like many other people's accounts I have read, I have started to feel physically ill at the thought of spending them with two such badly behaved, rude children. I am lucky, I should add, that I have my own place so at least I have somewhere to retreat to. Their Father - literally, by his own admission - admits that he does not like/wish to tell them off as he is over-compensating for leaving the family home. Believe me, and do these children play on it, forever pushing boundaries and behaving the way that they do. It seems obvious that they are also receiving minimal discipline at their other home, making the job even harder, and the behaviour harder to try and stop, particualarly in the 5 year old who really needs to be taken into hand before the hissy fits become physical or damage is done in the home.

As if the situation could not be bad enough, I was advised last weekend (note "advised" - no discussion, no consultation) that my partner had agreed with his ex that the children would now also stop over on the Saturday evening instead of just staying on the Saturday day and would be taken home on the Sunday lunchtime. I said nothing. Last weekend was the first weekend of this new arrangement and guess what - the children went home at just before 6pm on the Sunday. I wasn't given any sort of explanation for this, first it was "lunchtime", then 2pm, then 5.30pm but it would appear that a) the ex wife was being difficult and just stayed out to be clever or b) this new arrangement is in fact until the evening, not lunchtime, and someone just didn't want to tell me about this. Again, I said nothing.

Just before the children went home, again another screaming fit from the 5 year old about packing her things to take home - she was refusing to do this, stating that the bag she had brought was "broken". Absolute rubbish. Result - her sister goes and does it for her. Her Father, in complete denial, left her to her paddy, stating that it was because she didn't want to go home. I pointed out that, the minute someone else does the job for her, the tantrum stops. And guess what happened.....it stopped.

Just to give some other background - the ex wife is nightmare. At the start of our relationship she told the children a number of lies about me that were that unpleasant, my partner actually had to go and speak to her about it (the children had mentioned it) and she apologised - not to me, but to him. She has sent texts enquiring as to whether we plan to get married and have children which have wound me up no end. I must admit that this was in the first six months and, to my knowledge, have petered out. She is co-habiting in the former marital home which NONE of the children have an issue with - it seems it is only their Father who isn't allowed to be happy.

Even the 15 year old - who I get on brilliantly with - has actually said to her Father "Are you planning on having any more children (with me) as things wouldn't be the same then." Emotionally blackmailed by a teenager, terrific. My other half simply stated that the children would have to accept it if he did have more children and doesn't seem to see the problems it would cause - but I do. If things are bad now.....I can just see exactly what will happen with these children and the way they are.

I have tried so hard to like/bond with these children - but I have got to the point where I feel that I have had enough. It just isn't working. I DO NOT LIKE THEM. It seems that NOTHING is going to change - I am never going to be accepted and, if anything, the problem is going to start to manifest itself in far worse ways. Furthermore, the lack of consultation about the weekend visits has UTTERLY pissed me off. I understand that he wants to see more of his children, but I didn't sign up to this and I feel very resentful - when is it possible to have weekend "us" time now? One Friday evening every two weeks and Sunday evenings when you're knackered?

Any thoughts/suggestions/views greatly appreciated - thanks for reading and being patient!