Do I have to put my happiness and my life to one side to be her step mum?
I live with my partner and his 11 year old Daughter my partner has residence of his daughter. Trying to cut a long story short but I realised I was taking more responsibility for this child than I believe I should. My partner had expected me to be her mum when I am not and stupidly I took on that role until I realised I had MUG written all over my head. I was paying for everything including her clothes.in charge of her discipline and cleanliness etc etc.
Fast forward to now. I have been disengaging to what I do for her and to be fair he has done more for her but I have her on my own after school and at the weekends as he works every evening until 6 pm and only has every other weekend off.
The issue is this......
She had an exam the next day and I said No to her going to youth club which would mean a late night. She had a complete manipulative melt down and my partner gave into her and took her. I was fuming but before they left told them both that as my opinion didn't amount to anything ( I simply wanted her to get a good rest before her exam) I couldn't see the point into input in much anymore and so I would not be RESPONSIBLE for her any more. I made my OH aware that meant one to one care. They chose that was okay.
Fast forward to today.
He goes to work and leaves her with me.
When he came home from work we had a massive row and they have gone out for the afternoon and he has taken my little boys buggy with him so we are stuck. He kicked the door and threw my little ones cup and said F**k you.
This kid has stolen from me she is hard, hard work and I just can't cope with her anymore. I am expected to be super mum and I just can't and don't want to rake the responsibility. I want to enjoy her and her FATHER be the parent.
The interesting thing is now I have said I won't do her child care he has said there is no point in us being together.
My point is.... I think he only wants someone there to bring his daughter up for him.
There is a tonne of more stuff that has gone on to make me feel like this. I tried to keep it light.
Does being in a relationship with someone who has children mean I have to sacrifice my happiness and my life?
^^^I completely
^^^I completely agree^^^
Sorry you are having to go through this right now. And to answer your question, no, being a stepmom doesn't mean you have to put that child's needs above and beyond your own and the needs of your child. Take care of yourself. You owe it to yourself and your son to be happy.
Abso-bloody-utely not!! DH
Abso-bloody-utely not!!
DH sounds like a using, spineless, manipulative jerk. It looks like he's definitely USING you to be his babysitter/nanny/taxi-driver/cook/cleaning lady etc etc.. everything but a true partner. If he truly loved you and supported you - he would be standing by you, as a united front - and take care of his own responsibility - that being HIS kid.
She is only 11 years old and he's giving in to her. Imagine when she's older? Have you read some of the stories in the adults forum? There are a few on there who have lived this nightmare for years. Read through a couple of their posts and try to take some of their experiences and think about what you want.
I would be sitting down with DH to have a "come to jesus" talk. Explain your feelings and how he's actions are hurting you. He is also NOT doing his kid any favours by giving in to her instead of parenting her. If he was being a responsible Father - he himself would have put his foot down and told her she couldn't go out that night. Instead, he's undermined you - argued with you and then.. sworn at you - good grief!
and then tell the douche that if he doesn't man up and starts to take care of his own kid - then he'd better get ready for you to leave his pitiful ass.