Yea I have the same issue...what I do is tell my husband what can and can not be done in OUR home and that she has no say in it... let her talk as much as she wants.... YOU respond to her but dont type your name on them.. then when she says something about how things are going let her know that it is your way or no way and that she has been conversing with you.. not him.... I did that for a while but then she started calling him directly... now I just tell him while shes on the phone.... from what I under stand there are rights that step parents have and you can inforce them... you just have to find them.... I have some sites bookmarked on my other computer if you want them...

My husband has put his foot down from day one that he and I make decisions together regardless if she likes it or not because BM tried that same BS with me...and guess what shortly after that she was emailing me to ask me about the kids as well as telling me about all her so called problems. Maybe not responding to her will make her realize that what she wants and what she gets will be 2 different things!!

Sljones2420, I would like those other sites please. Thanks!

I think both you and DH should write and sign the email. At a minimum, write the email together and have DH cc you. BM has to get it through her head that she is NOT in charge anymore and that every decision involving the skids is a JOINT decision between you and DH. There is no negotiation on this matter.

BM may not need to speak with you directly, but she needs to know that you will have input on all skid decisions b/c you are DH's wife and partner, period.

Be sure to check and double check to make sure all points are clear and keep the emotional or side comments to a minimum. Email should be technical, to the point, and concise (like a work memo).

DH should also mention that the skids are his first and only priority. If BM feels there are unresolved issues, she should consider seeking the advice of a professional. The only issues that need to be discussed (between the 3 of you) are those dealing with the skids ONLY.

In my experience being nice to BMs who haven't "let go" rarely works. Tip-toeing around BM's feelings only exacerbates the problem and prolongs the inevitable and necessary "BM reality check".

BMs often confuse their emotions/issues with the needs of their children. When our BM started going back to how hurt she was and who did what, DH would interrupt her and say, "Is there anything else about the skid that we need to discuss? If not, I have to run into a meeting (or event if its on the weekends)." In other words, DH found a way to get out of the conversation and not entertain her rants. Again, in my experience if you choose to entertain BM the situation becomes worse and the issue at hand (well-being of the skids) is never properly addressed.

Just my thoughts...let us know how this goes! Good Luck!

Alexis G.

H cc's me on all emails and when he replies he is fanatical about saying "We" in discussing anything concerning the children.

H also sent an email about 5 years ago informing EW that I was his partner and that she would respect me as such. She never emails me directly, and I don't care one flip. She once tried taunting H saying he obviously had to consult with me before he wiped his nose.

H replied, "You wouldn't know anything about a partnership. Your whoring around the night before I married you proved that." She never went there again.

For us, emails work. Of course EW hasn't sent an email in over 4 months...which has us wondering what she is up to....in the end, who cares.

Good luck with everything.

Angeliabb

"Life is what you make it."

Well I wish you all the luck... and dont let her get to you too bad... thats my problem with my DH's ex.. I let her get to me and when she's not around my DH says I develop a sudden case of Terrets lol...

and as for the sites exactly what kind of info are you looking for, and what state and county are you in.. that info would be helpful in getting the correct information for you... I live in Oklahoma....