Has anyone heard of Parallel Parenting?
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Just wondering if any of you have heard of Parallel Parenting?
Does it work? What are your thoughts?
I found this link that explains it a little:
http://www.parentingafterdivorce.com/pdfs/ParallelParentingForHighConfli...
I just not sure what to think. It seems great but everything seems great at first glance. Please tell me your thoughts
When the other parent is being an ass ..... CLICK!
Works every time.
This article appears to be just more justification for pseudo science minimal contributors to justify their career existence.
More pseudo science psycho babble bullshit if you ask me.
The entire article synopsis...... be nice to each other and act like adults. Umm, if they could be nice to each other they probably would not be divorced. So IMHO the only legit input from the article is .... act like adults and not blithering idiots.
I wonder how much will be charged for the six week parallel parenting course that probably does not statistically improve the situation between the opposition parents anyway. I am sure the PhD still has some school loans to pay off and the cost will be about a grand a week.
Yep, Rags is in a cranky mood tonight. We just finished making summer visitation travel arrangements and as usual, my wife caved. I keep telling her to stop caving and start dictating but she does not want to piss anyone off so I have to hold her and tell her it is fine (it really will be fine) when what I really want to do is ask her once again why she keeps caving. SpermGrandMa called to clarify dates and asked my wife to make the reservations, pay for them and call her with the amount (not to exceed XX). My wife quoted her a price then realized that she had put the wrong dates in for SS to travel to SpermLand. When she re-floated the price with the correct dates the price for SS's round trip went up $110.00 (an increase of $55.00 to them since we split the costs per the CO). SO FRICKING WHAT! Instead of calling SpermGrandMa and TELLING her it is going to cost her another $55.00 to cover her looser frickin son's responsibilities my wife ended our family trip a half a day early to match the original price she quoted. I know, half a day is nothing but it is the fact that my wife is an incredible lady and once again bent over backwards for THEM.
And, absolutely no sign of SpermDad in any of this including paying for his half. His Mommy has to bail his worthless ass out yet again.
15months and 2weeks and we are out of the SpermFamily visitation business.
Good Frickin Riddance!
Best regards,
That sucks you had to put up
That sucks you had to put up the extra money. The sperm family should have done that. I would be cranky if I where you 2.
That sucks you had to put up
That sucks you had to put up the extra money. The sperm family should have done that. I would be cranky if I where you 2.
I'll give you my thoughts on it
It made me spit out my coffee and gave me a good laugh.
Which was good, because I needed one this morning.
So thanks for sharing. I always like comedy in the morning
Wait...this was SERIOUS???
Ok, then I'll be serious, too. It won't work. Especially for the majority of us on this site who are dealing with exes who are emotionally stunted, incredibly hostile, and some dealing with serious mental issues.
I'll give you my personal story. We suspect my DHs ex is BPD, and if she's not, then she's just a combination of immature, selfish and incredibly whacky!
When DH and I deal with his three girls, we sit down together and come up with "parenting plans" to target a specific area at issue. Right now, DH is dealing with issues involving middle SD17 and dating. He sat down with her and outlined the specifics and guidelines for which she is allowed to date. And the consequences for breaking the rules.
BM, on the other hand, is calling him constantly, FREAKING OUT, because SD17 is lying to her and just sneaking off to go out with some boy and "she doesn't know what to do". Basically it's WWIII over at BMs house right now between SD17 and BM and DH is caught in the middle of the drama.
So DH, TRYING to be a good person FOR THE SAKE OF HIS KID, emails the "dating rules" over to BM and tells her that this is what we are doing over at our house. Perhaps you could try it, too. After all, if it happens at BOTH HOUSES, it might work better, right?
Well, a mature, healthy parent might agree. Try it.
Not this BM. She's simply not capable. She'd rather just continue to call DH and contiune to drama and say it's all SD17 FAULT. After all, she's the 'perfect' mother. In fact, while she's on the subject, it's also DHs FAULT and MY FAULT that SD17 is this way. BM is blameless.
And so goes the drama. Because you can't rationalize with an irrational mind.
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
Wow, that woman is a nut
Wow, that woman is a nut job. I would just tell her if you can't handle her then don't have her it all. Isn't so funny that BM's all think there perfect and can never admit their faults?
OMG
I have been talking about this with DH because BM is allowed to call to say the most insignificant things about SD5... really, even if she is coming to get her ina few minutes she calls to say what she is going to say here anyway. it is very annoying and brought an argument between DH and I. Overall he does agree with me that she calls to say a lot of unimportant things, YES they are all about their daughter, is never about her life, but why not limit it to important things, and everything else, text messaging, or emails.
I don't get that. He even told her yesterday, that she needs to stop calling so much, because he is married, adn blah blah... and of course she flipped out, saying that is ridiculous and that I think she wants DH back with her. which is not the case, I know (hope im right) she doesn't have feelings for him, but she still thinks that only cuz she is the mother of his child she is allowed to do anything, and he should be "available" for her, because is about their child, she does not understand anything about limits, because, once again, she is the "BIOMOM".... and then tries to play a guilt trip on her.
I told him to approach her differently, and not to mention me, because she was going to play a bigger guilt trip on him saying that I am interfering with their relationship. I told him to tell her to only call for important things, such as emergencies or things that need immediate response and he wont have time to check email etc... And I also told him not to answer her calls and let her calls go to voicemail, and then he can choose whether or not is important and TEXT or CALL back.
It also pisses me off, because she calls him to his work for stupid unnecessary things (again they are about SD5) and he hates people calling him at his job (he is a teacher) and I never ever call him, if its an amergency I text him and say "call me" or something. But she thinks is Ok to CALL him whenever
SO YESSSSSSSSSSSss
I AM DEFINITELY SENDING AN EMAIL with this Parallel Parenting. That is exactly what I have been talking about with him, but didn't know the name until I read your post, pretty interesting... Thanks
I deal with the same thing
His ex wants to talk on the phone about the dumbest of things. Constant emails even after we say do not email us. Texts almost everday. My husbands ex is still so psycho in love with him she slept with his brother. yeah weird huh? I don't know if she thought the brother would be like him or not. But it a blew up in her face. I think its gross she slept with her own childs uncle. We can not co parent with this woman she has no respect and no common sense.
It sucks you have to deal with a psycho 2. Hopefully the parallel parenting will work out for you guys!!! Thanks for your thoughts they were very helpful.
This is what my ex and I do
I didn't know there was a name for it and it took a couple of years of trial and error and a lot of conflict to "work out the details", but this is how we interact now. And it's FANTASTIC!!
We communicate almost exclusively by email or text. I tell him about conferences, games, recitals, etc. He can go or not go. When he goes, we sit together and visit about the weather or whatever. The kids see us getting along and that greatly reduces the loyalty conflicts that kids often feel. We communicate what we need to and beyond that, we leave each other alone.
Don't misunderstand, I think my ex is a POS and his wife is weird. But that's on a personal level. I'm not trying to form a friendship here, it's soley about parenting. Every dealing I have with them is from a parent standpoint only. And even then, when I disagree with how they parent (which is why we got divorced), I remind myself that I couldn't control that when we were married and I sure can't now. So I let it go. That's my mantra "Can't control it? Let it go"
When the kids try to play us, which is very infrequent anymore because I don't play into it and neither does their dad, we just say "I can't control what happens at your dad's house. That's between you guys. But in this house, we..." Once in awhile a more serious situation will come up and I'll have to talk to them and expressly explain that I disagree with their dad and why and that I hope they make good choices even when I'm not there to tell them what to do. That's all I can do. I make it clear to them that I'm not running their dad down, we just disagree and that's okay.
Now, parallel parenting with BM? Not likely. And it sucks because things are so much easier on my H because of the way I interact with my ex, that he has no idea how hard it is for me to interact with his ex. So now I take the same approach with my H and SD. Can't control it? Let it go. Yeah, that won't create a yawning divide in our lives. (((sarcasm))) We barely talk anymore. Some marriage, huh?
I like the part about not
I like the part about not trying to form a friendship and soley leave it about parenting. Thats great I'm going to have to use that in the future. I think its awesome you could work out things with your ex like that. If my hubby and his ex went to the same functions they would either start a fight or act like they don't know eachother.
I agree Serena
DH does this. We have very limited contact with BM and the kids are much happier. BM is BPD and logical, normal conversations arent' possible, so DH just shut her down. No contact, unless it's an emergency or something of that nature. Now, she does call the kids constantly when they are at our house, but that's her deal with them. She questions them on what's going on, etc. etc. but OSD has learned to not say much because it will cause he mom to fly off the handle so to speak. All she's doing is making them dislike dealing with her. DH went through the same thing with his mother after his parents divorced.
I think it can work, but at least one of the parents has to be the bigger person and disengage.