At least it ended well. I have only called BM once and that was because my BF was so sick he could not make the call to let her know he was not coming for his parenting time. I have spoken to her on the phone several times last summer when we had FSS1 for a week while she was on vacation. She always called at the stupidest times - lunch time, nap time, bed time, etc and would leave these yucky messages that I will never repeat.

I am glad your call to BM went well and hopefully it will make things easier for all involved.

I've had to take the upper road with BM several times. When you deal with an irrational person, it doesn't do any good to try and rationalize with them. (Mind you inside I was seething and wanted to rip her a new one to tell her exactly what I thought she was/is!) She hates dealing with me b/c I treat her like I do the children. She has rules and boundaries. If she breaks them the conversation is over. She no longer receives any favors from me or my husband. If she steps out of line I immediately end the conversation and if necessary, call the police or CPS -- whichever is necessary for that outburst.

I truly believe the best way to deal with these fruit loops is to 1) talk with them as little as possible. 2) when you do have to talk to them, make it short and to the point. 3) If they become the least bit disrespectful blandly tell the wenches that the conversation is over until they learn to be respectful and then immediately walk away.

The skids will hopefully one day realize that their BM is insane and follow our good examples. If not, well, at least we've done all we can do!

I have come to the same conclusions. I have communicated with the BM face to face, over the phone and my letter and honestly it was a total waste of time. We had a history because she has always targeted me and been completely vindictive and insane when it comes to me (including stalking me and trying to have friends spy on me as well as insane rumor spreading and blatant lies). My DH hates her just as much as I do, but completely hides his feelings when dealing with her, for the sake of the kids, and so being the complete idiot that she is, she thinks that he likes her (she even told me that he still loves her!) and that I am the problem. She has said that I am an "evil" seductress and that I have brainwashed him. She has told both of us that she "knows" that they would get along great if I weren't in the picture. He doesn't think she is worth responding to at all because he thinks she's totally insane and wouldn't know the truth if it attacked her in a dark alley, so he doesn't respond and keeps his demeanor completely unemotional when dealing with her, which from her perspective affirms her crazy belief that he still likes her and cares about her and that I am the problem. She has no clue how much he hates her, disrespects her and thinks she is a horrible mother and mentally unstable. Anyway, I ignored her letters, emails and threats (given to me through my DH) for a few months and then finally got fed up when she went too far on one occasion and I talked to her and told her bluntly what I thought of her behavior and she was so shocked that she improved briefly, but just got bad again fairly quickly. Whenever she went too far, I would contact her and was so blunt that she actually begged me not to talk to her (ha!) and I said that I would respect that if she would respect our privacy, stop stalking me, stop calling my DH for no reason and stop telling the skids negative things about me and my DH (such as that their dad didn't love them, that I was going to leave them, that I was "dying" (!!!!!) and that I had "contagious diseases" among other things). I had her backed into a corner and called her on her lies (she says one thing and then in the same conversation will contradict it) then when I pointed it out, she said, "so? you can't do anything about it". I grew up thinking that lying was wrong and so I was shocked that she would lie so much and have absolutely no shame about it! She gets caught, admits to lying and isn't even embarrassed! Anyway, I tried repeatedly to try to work things out so that we could be civil and she is so crazy and vindictive and in complete denial that it has turned out to be completely pointless. I have bluntly told her exactly what I think of her and her behavior and mothering and the only benefit was that it felt great to express myself and let her know what I really think. No matter what happens, she knows exactly what I think of her (and she is stupid enough to show exactly how much I got to her-she makes references to it every time I see her-pathetic stuff, like randomly and awkwardly saying things to no one in particular like, "it's a good thing i'm so smart and such a good mother." Haha, she is so stupid that she doesn't realize that instead of coming across as strong and confident, she is letting me know how insecure she is). She is so mentally messed up (I am sure that she has borderline and narcissistic personality disorders) that honestly it isn't worth my time to try to communicate with her anymore. I got it all out of my system (to the point where she is afraid to be around me because of what I might say ( Oh no! The Truth!) and I know that there is no way she will become a normal, functioning person (it would take years of therapy, a soul transplant and a reversal of her lobotomy) and there is nothing I can do to change her. Now, I just ignore her and am very happy with that. When I told her what I really thought (no detail spared) it was a cathartic experience and I really got it out of my system. She is and will always be an incredibly pathetic, insecure person, but that's not my problem. My DH and I are at the point where we think the crazy things she does are funny and as long as she respects my boundaries then I will continue to have fun making fun of her with my friends and DH, but i'm not bothering with trying to work things out anymore. I'm sure there are BM's out there that have good sides and are worth trying to work things out, but mine isn't one of them. She is so screwed up that I can just sit back and watch her life fall apart, but unless she crosses the line legally or does something totally inappropriate or invasive, I don't have anything more to say to her. Thank God she is too stupid to pull any of the above behavior, but I know it would just come back to hurt her as it hopefully will in this situation. These stupid women need to stop being so pathetic and get real lives.

I agree, I commend you for trying and actually picking up the phone to talk to her...and hopefully your relationship with her will go down a more positive road
I myself have experienced the same as the other stepmom...a waste of time. For years I tried to put things aside, talk to her send her well wishes, trying to break down the walls. It never works for me..She continues to put new barriors up for us, its a game for her. Then I feel like the jerk for trying, trying and then get kicked inthe head.
Conversations we had get twisted and she is master manipulator.
and I stand their scratching my head, WTF?

Perhaps it will help you for a little while and I hope it does
Good Luck

But talking to BM is like talking to a deaf screaming banshee. She and I were on reasonable (not exactly friendly) terms for about a year until all hell broke loose and she tried to have me arrested for things that never happened.

Before that though, BM would only be nice to me if she wanted something, like to have her toddler from a different relationship stay at our house so she could go out on a date. I let that happen once. She didn't even say "Thank you" so as she was getting in her car to leave, I yelled out "You're welcome!" and vowed to never let the kid back to our house.

Yep, twice. We fought both times and came to an agreement at the end both times. But this was all over email thru myspace, never on the phone. Because I know iwon't stay calm talking to her, so with email I can choose my words carefully and have proof of what was said. I haven't spoke to her since, because there hasn't been a need to. Its been 4 months. I try to keep things cordial and polite because she's less trouble and stays out of our lives this way.

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

and we had what I thought was a useful conversations about the behavior of her teenage son. After 1 1/2 of listening to her crap, I actually hung up the phone thinking things were going to change. Boy was I wrong, not to long after the conversations, her son boo whood to her and she backpeddled and called my DH and fought with him about me.

That was the day I disengaged from my SS17.

I will do everything in my power to never have to talk to her again. Not my job, she's not my ex wife. Hearing her voice wants to make me :barf: