Its not BS13's fault your kids are a mess!
So as I mention in my last post my BS13 is a really good kid. Not cause he's my son but he does what is expected of him. I'm actually proud to say that many people come up to me, neighbors and even strangers to compliment me on his manners. He has a very big heart and likes to help others. With this being said my boyfriend has never really had any complaints about him, if anything he has even praised how good of a kid he is and what a great job I did raising him as a SM.
Ever since BS13 was little I preferred to cook over giving him fast food. Milk and water over soda. Fruits and veggies over chips. He enjoys eating healthy and as an athlete he understands now how beneficial it is to maintain his body healthy. I'm also big on bedtime,at 10pm all lights go out, he brushes his teeth and goes to bed...no fussing, no whinning...he just does it. Again, he understands getting rest is also important for school and his performance at soccer games.
Well in the past 3 weekend visits we've had with SD12 and SS9 this is not the case for them. SD12 will sit there and eat a whole pint of ice cream FDH buys her. SS9 only wants to eat McDonalds and proudly announces thats his favorite food. The other day I asked him what he wanted to eat and after telling him I wasn't going to get McDonalds and that I would cook whatever he wanted he still repeated...MCDonalds. So I asked him what is his favorite food BM makes, he told me "frozen dinners". Mother of the Year much?? Anyway he whines over everything and never finishes his food. He has this bad habit of waking up at night to have cereal. This past weekend it was at 3am and FDH had to stay with him in the kitchen as he ate. Aside from these unhealthy eating habits they stay up until whatever time they feel like.When he tries to get them to go to bed they give him attitude, they cry and whine...ugh! My BS13 has no problem with it because he doesnt mind going to bed at 10, but I feel its not fair to have different rules for the skids. On our weekend they should abide by the house rules.
Yesterday my FDH was acting strange. He cut up some fruit and came to share with me. I asked him if he had offered my son and he said he had eaten half of the cantaloupe the night before. He continued by saying that my son has been getting up at night to eat. I think he is lying. My son at 13 has never done that...ever. But now all of a sudden he has the same bad habit as his son? WTF!!! I know they say not to go to bed angry but I was so upset that he was making stuff up. He also brought up that he told my son to take out the garbage and to not forget to empty the trash in his room. I said ok, and? did he say no? did he curse you out? did he ignore you or was he disrespectful?...he was like no, its just I had to remind him. So why are you telling me this? why are we even discussing this incedent as if something bad happened? yea his still a teen and sometimes you gotta remind him, but when you do he gets right to it. His kids wont even pick up their plates after they eat! He also pulled me aside to say my sons room smelled bad..I storm in the room ready to give him an earful. When I walk in the room its nice and neat and there is no foul smell. I even told him to come in and see for himself. My son was outside playing so he wouldn't have had a chance to fix anything. He didn't know what to say...So why is FDH doing this? is he mad cause his kids are a mess?? I'm so upset I dont even want to talk to him...I will not allow any man to do that to my son, especially when its lies...
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Comments
Yes, in his mind if he can
Yes, in his mind if he can find flaws with your son then his look better by comparison.
NJ I go through this all the
NJ I go through this all the time. My BS is 13 also (almost in June). He sounds a lot like your kid. He even cooks himself meals now. Not junk . . meals. For my birthday last week he cooked dinner . . baked fished, brown rice, broc/carrotts and cleaned the kitchen. I have also noticed over the past week that's he's been hitting the dishes after school. I made sure to thank him and tell him how much I appreciated this morning
He's doing his own laundry now and helping me with yard work and wants to plant a small garden. I raised him alone for 10 years and he's had to be more independent. I went back to school and didn't have a lot of time for fluff. His father and I seperated when I was 5 months pregnant and divorced when he was one. It was just us. ( I will say that we argue about his room constantly but my friends say that's what you do when they are 13. LOL)
SD13 is the opposite. She can't do anything by herself. No one is teaching her anything. Manners??? Girl you would want to slap her. She's happy sitting in a dark room playing with her electronics. SHE DOES NOTHING. COMPLETE WASTE OF SPACE. She's a straight A student though and that's all that matters to DH and BM.
I have had to correct DH several times when it comes to my son. He sees where his daughter is lacking and any little thing my BS13 does he picks up on it. The trash crap, HA had that one this week too. DH is like I had to remind him to take the trash out. THAT's WHAT PARENTS DO DUMMY! I bet SD13 can't even tell you where the can is and once you help her find it I bet you are going to have to give her step by step instructions to get the job done. Lately it's been about bowls. DH thinks all the bowls are in BS13 room. There are 10 bowls in the cabinet and if DH misses the one he wants to eat his cereal out of BS13 hears about it. I think that happened Tuesday morning.
DH also thinks it's ok to say curse words to BS13 (not often but when he's frustrated). No one talks to sensitive SD13 like that. We all have to tip around her she's so special. I fixed this one though. My son forgot to take the garbage to the curb. I overheard DH ask him (kind of joking) if he was going to have to remind him every effin'g Wed to take the garbage to the curb. I kept my cool. That next weekend when SD13 came over she was in her usual mood and I asked her to open an effin'g window in her room because her effin'g feet stank. He never did it again! Once he heard what it sounded like he stopped.
It's hard because we are all trying to keep the peace in our homes but I have found with this paticular issue is best to go full force head on. Don't F with mine and I won't F with yours.
Wow, sounds like we are
Wow, sounds like we are living the same nightmare. His kids are coming over this weekend. I'm planning my own things with my son and let him have time with his kids. I need a break too....
That's what my BS and I do
That's what my BS and I do now. DH had this crazy Lifetime movie dream that she'd just fall in and want to hang with us. She doesn't and constantly proves that she doesn't. We all went to a move a couple of weeks ago and she stood maybe 5 ft away from us 3 (DH, My BS, and ME) it was so obvious. I said nothing and finally DH said "why are you standing over there like you aren't part of us" and she moved closer. I kept thinking "because she doesn't want to be part of us you idiot". This weekend BS and I are hitting up a spring festival in the small town that I'm from. Can you say funnel cakes on the court house steps!. It's going to be awesome. It took me some time to stop feeling guilty about leaving the 2 of them home alone but I don't take her anywhere without him and he's not really into the festival thing. I finally realized that it's not mine and BS13 fault if she just wants to stay in the house and watch TV while everyone else has fun.