Would love any advice from anyone....
Ok so, I have been with, who I believe is my better half, now for 6 years. We have created a wonderful family bringing 5 children together. My step daughter, who is 15, is just unreal... She treats her siblings like they are dirt under her feet, she talks bad about everyone she knows, friends, mom, boyfriends, and just everyday people, she lives with us and does absolutely nothing around the house, comes and goes as she pleases, has joined every activity she wants (highland dance, modern dance, ballet, baseball in the summer, and wrestling at school)all which are on different nights of the week (except wrestling) so we spend all our time driving her to these places because she does not want to take the bus and her dad is, well in my eyes a sucker? I don’t mind doing things for her, but I mean there are four other kids in the family and our lives seem to revolve around her, he does not want to change all this because he is afraid that she will move back to her moms. I don’t want to be around her, and I don’t want to talk to her, I feel I am starting to really not like her which in all honestly hurts me very much, I know she can be a wonderful person.. I have tried to talk to him, but he gets really defensive and it ends up in a huge fight.
I don't know what to do anymore, sometimes I feel it would be alot easier if I just walked away...I am tired,and emotionally drained.
Please any advice bad or good, talk to me...
Atmywitsend.
You will find LOADS of support here..
Lots of good advice mixed with HUMOR. This site changed my LIFE (I have wacky adult SDs, but once I grew a BACKBONE thanks to all the support I received here), they no longer RUN THE SHOW.
Hang in there, vent away...HELP IS ON THE WAY!!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
thank you all so much, keep it coming.... please
I am going to attempt the "Disengagement"
Thank you again...
We Had
that issue in the beginning and my bs started to ask questions why skids got away with everything and he got punished.Well that was the end of that i did not put up with that crap.I told my dh that every child in this house gets treated equally and i didnt care if it ended in a fight my bs was not going to be traeted unfairly over my dead body!!!!Everytime this situation comes up i called my dh on it and told him to stop doing it but not in that nice of a way.You have a right to speak up if not on your behalf the other children in this house.They will start to feel used and that is just not acceptable!!!!
We've got ANOTHER ONE!!!
Is there something in the frickin water????
I, too, have one of these spoiled, awful, SDs as well. She could be your SDs twin. Treats EVERYONE around her like complete and total DIRT- including her father, mother, two sisters, grandparents, friends, etc. You name it. She definitely thinks she is ABOVE everyone else.
At almost 17, she can't even manage to get herself a drink- instead she'll "bark" orders to her younger sister, 13, who has learned to be her slave. And if SD13 dare say "no", she'll scream at the top of her voice, "I HATE you! You are the worst sister in the whole world."
And in the beginning, she used to take me for granted, too. Although she never spoke disrespectfully to me (I think she's scared of me and what I would do to her).
So for the past 1-1/2 years, I have successfully disengaged. I do NOTHING for her. I do not interact with her, except a cordial "hello" and "goodbye" when she comes and goes.
But I do not drive her or do anything else for her. The other four children and my DH can all be at the dinner table with her and I can converse with all of them, but I just pretend she is not there. (And she lives with us 50% of the time).
Is it sad that is has come to that? Yes, it is. But she refuses to change or even accept that her behvior is the source of any issue in the home- it is always everyone else's fault. It is her dad's, mine, her mom's God's, her sisters'...the list goes on. But her fault...no.
So until she accepts personal responsiblity for her action and tries to change, I will not acknowlegde her obnoxnius presence in my home any more.
And the sad thing about it is that after 1-1/2 years, I'm getting very good at ignoring her. It was difficult in the beginning for my DH to accept. He gave me a huge guilt-trip about disengaging at first, but now he realizes it is the only way I can save my sanilty. And he NOW sees her without the rose-colored glasses on. But as her father, he cannot bring himself to do the same thing I am doing.
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
If he is not
listening to you---getting defensive you need to get a backbone sweetie and draw a line in the sand because this is not what good marriages are made of. If you don't, you will eventually get tired of being the girl's chamber maid & become resentful of your husband.
This is your husband's problem----lots of kids at that age are all "me, me, me". His guilt ridden attitude is making him pick her over you. Don't let him.
I agree with angel
This is your husbands problem, he is trying to push it off on you, have him take the spoiled lil brat around. Tell him she upsets you too much to be driving with her in the car and don't do it. Don't do anything for her, exclude her since she treats you like dirt, let her know by your actions, you aren't going to be treated like dirt and have power over her.
Don't do it now and it will just grow.
Man, lots to hear on here, I
Man, lots to hear on here, I LOVE it. See this has been going on for a while, 5teensathome same thing she is not usually rude to me, he thinks she is afraid of me also. We had a huge scene today, I got up this morning and got ready to go tubing with MY daughter and her school, I got a text from my SD asking if she had to take the bus to her exam, and I said yes and she got really ticked off, I lost it on her she called her dad we got into it, then about an hour ago he calls me, very very nice, because it turns out she had 20 bucks in her wallet but she did not want to spend her money, so he felt bad. He uses the line she is my daughter so we have to sit down and talk about this. NO her being his daughter has nothing to do with my being a parent and her not liking when she gets in shit. I am done doing anything for her at all I am giving everything I have to the other four, the ones that appreciate it.
Why don't you tell her you
Why don't you tell her you will only drive her to an activity a certain number of days a week, like two, and anything else she wants to attend she needs to carpool with someone else?
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
I have decided to try the
I have decided to try the not doing anything for her tactic... 6 years of trying new things and getting no where with either of them, I have to try Disengaging myself. after everything I went threw last night she came home said nothing to me at all. Then called me first thing this morning and asked me to pick her up, really? I said No, I was not rude or anything but i cant do for someone who has no appreciation for anything. She walked home and went to her room and has been in there since, mind you I think she was Drinking. Thank you all for your advice and opinions, please keep it coming because I will keep venting, lol..
Bend Over or let it be Over?
Well apparently now that I have refused to Help my SD out in anyway untill she shows some appriciation, it will cause the end of our relationship! What do I do now?
Do I continue to bend over and take it up the ass just so we can save our relationship or do I let it all go?
Please, some advice..
Maybe
you should tell him that you are starting to resent her and if it ends up that way then let him know that it is his fault and he is the one driving the wedge in between.
You have no
relationship----a one way relationship does not a relationship make. So YOU are not ENDING anything except her abusing you.
Just smile, be polite-----just disengage. Whisper sweetly to her when she is kind and IGNORE her when she is a brat.
BUT DO NOT "TAKE IT UP THE ASS" that will get you no respect.
You WILL get backlash from him
You'll get guilt. You'll get anger. You'll get all the emotion. But that's only PROJECTION.
HE is projecting HIS guilt, HIS frustration, and his anger at the situation of not being able to properly parent his child onto YOU.
YOU will be the bad guy in all of this.
But stick to your guns. Either he has to "man up" and do the right thing and be a parent to his child or you WILL disengage and your philosophy will be "his child/his problem".
Let him know that you WILL be there to support him in any way you need him, but NOT if he's going to continue this Disneyland Dad/ Guilt Parenting crap. THAT you will not be involved in. Because you love him and want HIM to be a good dad. And because you care about his daughter and want what's best for HER.
And the way he's doing things now is NOT what's best for HER.
And deep down- he knows it.
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
SS
Hello I am new but I know exactly what you are going through I have a SS who is ruining our marriage too for 8 years this young man has done gotten whatever he has wanted from dad and done all the sports he has wanted too. We live 6 blocks from his school and he would call dad for a ride and dad would go. Dad says he feels like his son is his best friend because of the divorce between him and their mother and yet he also has 2 daughters. Now that the SS is 18 graduated high school and joined the National Guard and will be leaving in 54 days he has got dad again. I honestly can not wait for him to leave I have a feeling this kid is in for a rude of wakening and dad won't be able to save him. My SS and I don not speak at all we actually do everything we can to avoid each other which puts a very big strain on my marriage.
SS
Well it has been a while since I was on but I took the advice and kicked the SS out when they (the SS and his GF) tried to get me fired. My dh was extremely mad at first but I was so mad I told him if he didn't stand up to that boy he could go too I have had enough of the ss's head games.After a while my dh stood behind me it took him a few weeks though and that was tough. Now we have the bm playing head games with my 2 SD I really wish this women would grow up. I don't understand how she had 3 kids.