Father of the wicked stepdaughters
Let me set the record strait concerning my daughters!
First of all my daughters are very protective of me because we are (really close.)
when I divorced their mom it was like we all divorced her, you see their mom was a bad alcoholic and over the years living with her has been very difficult, the violance ,the foul language,the dramatic outburst,the episodes,it was like walking on eggshells on a day to day basis.
I wont go into it because there isnt enough writeing space,but you get my meaning.
Typically females are skepticle of each other for the mostpart,
My new girlfriend is very possesive and has made some mistakes early on into our relationship she was being bad doing what she likes to do knowing that I do not approve,in one instance her actions affected my youngest daughter directly, and at that time her skepticism of my girlfriend graduated into dislike and of course her older sister followed suite.
although I was able to forgive and forget my daughters have not until recently at the meeting i arranged. when they both exclaimed that whats in the past is past, they just want my girlfriend to stop being so possesive thats it.
Oh ya! and to stop giveing their dad so much grief when they want to spend time with him(just us time)I personelly wish that my girlfriend would stop discribeing my daughters as Bitches,Brats,no goods.
You ladies out there reading these blogs are only hearing only 1 side of a story. AEW
Simple question...
Do you plan on spending the rest of your life with a PARTNER or with YOUR DAUGHTERS? (and "both" doesn't count; they are not EQUALS...your daughters are your CHILDREN, not your "pals")
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
YOUR COMMENT
Are you saying that your own children arent your friends?
Do you know where your children are now?
What comes first blood or relationship.
Simple fact
No relationship between a MAN and a WOMAN will work if it is not TOP PRIORITY.
If "blood" is more important, than you certainly aren't looking for a relationship. You are looking for someone to co-parent your adult children.
Your daughters should be forming their OWN relationships with men their OWN age, not taking care of their "daddy"
If I were her, I'd be leaving skidmarks!!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
O.K DR.Phyllis but you never
O.K DR.Phyllis
but you never answered the question where is your own children right now!
What if the shoe was on the other foot and you had to choose from your children and your sig other.
Wish I had "Dr. Phyl's" money!!
I know where my children are, that's not the issue.
Please read the other posts. You shouldn't have to "choose" between your children and your significant other. They hold DIFFERENT places in your life!! Your "significant other" is your LIFE partner, your best friend!! Your children are just that, your children!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
Mizmel's BF
Here's my 2 cents. You are probably pretty hurt right now because you have read how your girlfriend is really feeling about what goes on. That must be a big slap in the face or a rude awakening to see how someone else sees things.
Instead of being mad at her or picking arguments with faceless women on the internet why not spend that energy on trying to figure out what you can do to make the relationship better.
Your girlfriend is entitled to her feelings, just like you are entitled to yours.
I am 40 years old & I have a great relationship with my mother & my dad BUT they are still my parents NOT my friend or buddy, even at my age. They are my parents & that demands more love & respect than a friend ever will. I live 2 hours away & talk with them both almost every day so that they are a part of mine & their 17 month old grandson's life.
Woman feel & handle things differently than men do, we have a hard time moving past hurts. Yes you should be able to spend time with your daughters, but they need to treat your girlfriend with respect & vise versa. Sometimes grown men treat their daughters almost like wives and that is so not healthy. Remeber your babies grow up & get lives of their own & you need to have someone who will love you & grow old with you. Trust me you don't want a 37 year old living in your basement some day.
I know I don't. Self reliance is a good thing for kids, we need to start those skills early on.
Think about what is breaking your girl friends heart & what the two of you can do to grow as a couple & move on from this.
AEW
F.Y.I. Respectfully Submitted,
My daughters are very self motivated self sufficiant people the oldest has her associates and is currently married and has a 6-month old whom I have only seen 4 times, we dont live very far from each other at all.
My youngest is currently in her third year in colledge and holding a 4.0
Since this all began as i see it i feel im in a catch 22 .
The girls have been gone from home some years now, they do have their own lives and we hardly see each other with Mandy at colledge and lizabeth being a full time mom.
My youngest has made two seperate attempts to talk to Mel and each time its all good for only a short while.this Stems from the issues that i did not discuss in my previouse blog.
In this last pow wow once again they came over with an open mind
and explained to mel that when they asked for some father daughter time no disrespect was meant but after the way she reacted the first time thats is what upset them about her,they also said that whats in the past is in the past lets start with a clean slate.
Mels response was well i just cant get over the fact i wasnt invited and she dodnt believe in father daughter time.
HUH GO FIGURE
Did these attempts made by
Did these attempts made by your daughters to leave the past in the past come before or after they tortured her pets? They are sitting back loving every second of this. They are loving the fact that they are coming in between the 2 of you and that you are so easily manipulated by them.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
????? tortured pets
What
Mandy trimmed the hair i lacys eyes.
the only other episode was because the cat had a bird in its mouth so mandy gave the cat a smack so it would let go of the bird.
I believe thats quite a
I believe thats quite a different story than we heard...we heard shaving the animal & beating the cat
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Ummm.. did you ever
Ummm.. did you ever consider that she wants some family time to be included.. if every time is only father daughter time.. then how does that help blend a family. It can not all be about what your daughters want.
Think of it this way. Would Mel have went out and purchased stuff for the baby to have on hand at your place that you share together, if she DIDNT TRULY want to be a part of this family?!!??! If you do not allow her to be part of the family by implementing family time, when its not just the 3 of you.. then you are NEVER going to have a happy situation.
AEW, it sounds like you
have a lot to be proud of as a new Grandpa & a 4.0 avereage is great.
Here's my advice, you need to let Mel know what it is that you need from her, and ask her what she needs from you. Start there & see where you can meet as a compromise. One thing I have learned in therapy ( My husband is bipolar and it & his ex & my skids have consumed my life leaving no time or energy for me) is that we all need our own time as well as couple & family time. We deserve that. If your girls are open to a relationship prehaps one on one Mel could just get together with them for coffee & just shoot the shit so they can get to know eachother as people not adversaries. BUT in order to do this everyone has to truly be open. If you tell your girls that you truly love Mel & what would make you happy is that everyone makes the effort to start anew. As their father that is what you need of them. Same to Mel.
I know she has been hurt by their actions & feels bad that she has never met the baby. That is a shame, that & the fact you have only seen the baby 4 times. As a mother of a 17 month old I wish my parents got to see my son more. They waited almost 20 years for him to come along. I also bet your daughter could use a break. Nothing is better than when grandparents babysit & mom & dad's can get a nap or get out together. That is something you & Mel could do.
Establish what you need from each other & then what you both need from the girls. I love my son in a way I never thought possible, BUT I loved his daddy first. When you come into the game later it's harder.
I hope that what you take away today is that we are not a bunch of bitches but women who go through a lot because blended families are tough. Find out what you both need to be happy & try to make that happen
Techniques
I am a very tacticle person I have tried those avenues but shes stubborn not once has she thought to initiate peace talks.
there is no first
partners and children each have a different and separate places and IMO, the lines shouldnt be blurred. THATS where problems occur, and maybe THATS how ur GF is feeling.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
My children will be my friends...
Once they are adults, and the term "parent" shifts from verb to proper noun. My kids are not my friends, and I am not theirs.
I am their champion when they truly need me, watch from afar when I have to so they can learn and grow, their caretaker when they fall ill, their conscious when they aren't mature enough to steady their own compass, their force to reckon with when they screw up, and of course, the most unconditionally loving person they will ever likely know who would toss my own safety and well being aside without a second thought for any of them (even SD who is only ever for herself first above all others) should any serious threat ever cross their path...yes.
But not a buddy. My SD has a buddy. Her buddy buys her triple padded push up bras, dropped her off at the movies alone since she was 8, takes orders for pounds of candy from her for any visits she keeps, and sees her 12 or so hours a month.
My DH? IS MY FRIEND. My BEST friend. My lover, my confidant, my champion, the filler of my much depleted cup after it serves everyone else, but his daughter most of all. Without him on and by my side, none of this would be worth it or work.
I came into this post late, but must say it sounds as though you have a choice to make. These circumstances don't seem to be healthy for anyone. If you see possessiveness in your mate, then there is no love, no trust, and if your mate feels she is the last person of import on your list, and in no way your first priority, then she is never standing on a solid foundation, and must always feel it necessary to make sure her own needs are met.
This is not the way to a happy fulfilling relationship. Give to her, above all others, and if she is worthy you will see the awesome generosity of her spirit as it nurtures everyone around her, including your children.
If she isn't worthy, then be pleased you took the risk and saved everyone much time and more heartache and let her go.
If you can't see a woman as a priority in your life, then I would recommend waiting to seriously date someone until your number one priorities have grown up and moved onto their own priorities.
I am not sure if your question about blood or relationship being first is serious. Surely you know the answer to that if their BM is not worthy to have a relationship with them.
RELATIONSHIPS are always more important than DNA.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
sita-that is so beautiful.
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
One of the most beautiful posts I've read on here.
What you describe as your relationship is so what I had hoped for when I married.
Unfortunately, what I got is someone like Mizmel's bf. Only worse.
Maybe one day, far in the future, I will find what you have.
Relationship comes first
Relationship comes first !!!!
and who in their right mind with kids would concern themselves with being "friends"? with the kids?
Friends is what you become after the kid has become independent and living on their own, not needing or wanting your help.
nevermind i got it now
okay first of all, if u want to "tell ur side" create ur own account...hacking in and usinghers is BS. she needs people to talk to about the shit youre putting hre thru BC YOURE NOT LISTENING AND/OR CARING!!!!!!!!!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
It looks like her partner found her account....
and is using it to "try and set the record STRAIGHT."
I understand there are two
I understand there are two sides to every story, and I suggested compromising with 1 day a month of alone time with your daughters if they can't get along with her...and while you do not give details in to what made them not like her, I assume they have their reasons & I think its great they are finally willing to forgive whatever she did. But I also see how your daughters only wanting to spend time with you is hurtful & disrespectful to her as your wife. If they truely are fogiving whatever she did, I think they need to start including her & stop worrying about only have alone time with their dad. These are your adult children now, they are not little kids. I understand you will always have your daughters in your life, and hopefully your wife as well, and if you want that to work you need to start acting like a family and not take on the "its us against her" attitude. No woman is going to stick around for that for very long. Your daughters one day will move on, get married and have families themselves, and then you will end up alone because you alienated your wife.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
sorry, girlfriend, not wife.
sorry, girlfriend, not wife. She'll never make it to wife status with the way things are right now.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
First of all im not married
First of all im not married and yes this is my girlfriends blog and she is right here with me.
so far all i see is people writeing aimlessly regurgetating quotes from other people.
I truely love mel but I wont turn my back on my children for anyone.
What we're trying to say is
What we're trying to say is no one thinks you should turn your back on your children, but you should include your girlfriend & quit making her feel left out. Those are her words, thats how she feels. And its you & your daughters that are making her feel that way. If you care about her & want her in your life, you need to tell your daughters that & stop making her feel like she doesn't belong.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
stepkids
I would like to say, this site has really helped me the last few weeks. I know I am not the only one with issues with stepkids and men. I have been dating a man for over four years, he has four grown kids the youngest is 17, I have four as well and they are grown. We have broken up so many times over his kids, they manipulate our relationship, they absolutely refuse to recognize me as his future wife. The worst part is that he still lives with his mother who controls his kids and his life. She helped him through the years with the kids and now she thinks she can control them. Basically he feels caught in the middle, that is nuts! I gave him the choice of mommy or me. I cannot waste anymore of my time waiting for a man to grow up! He doesn't talk to his kids about hating me, he is afraid of his mom, but not afraid to hurt me! Enough is enough!
i highly doubt that mel is w u
bc i dont think she would appreciate the ugly way u are talking about her. secondly, i said to u first that kids and parents have seperate but equal roles and when the lines blur, problems start...u havent had a response to that.
my advice to u AND mel..cut ur losses and move on. u dont love her or u would have more regard for her feelings and mel, u will never be his equal and u deserve much more.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
No one expects you to stop loving your daughters
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
but if you want a woman in your life, that also means having consideration for her!
You have a responsiblity in this-to try and make your SO feel included instead of left out. She should be by your side, not behind you, not behind your daughters.
Our children will always be our children-no one is trying to take that away. But you are not, from what I've read, standing beside your woman at all-leaving her to wonder where you are all afternoon while you're with your daughters...sounds like maybe you are enjoying the drama.
Many relationships on here on in danger of failing...because the birth parent (whether it be male or female) refuses to give their F, their SO, their Wife or Husband, the respect, the love, and the consideration that title implies. How can you dare to expect a woman to devote the rest of her life to you, when you make it clear to her that she is on the sidelines!!
Typical response .....
JamaicanMeCrazy
from an overprotective BF who believes his daughters couldn't possibly be anything but little angels...for the record, most of us SM out here actually WANT to get along with the Skids - but without realizing it (or I suspect maybe you do)the BF's seem to keep the crap stirred up between the SM & skids by automatically assuming the little angels are always right and SM just don't want to deal with them because they aren't "ours" - well buddy, I got news for you - I've done everything possible to be nice and get along with my SD's - it's a lost cause! Like your "angels", my SD's had a BM from hell - their words, not mine. And my DH only compounded the problems by giving into their every little whim or wants to make up for their lack of a decent mother in their lives - and now he's paying the price. Those kids don't respect him in the least, they are only interested in what he can buy them. You and my DH don't need a wife or mother for your kids - you need a nanny!
Reguritating...why did you even post on here, Mizmels bf
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
If you couldn't take the truth.
Mizmel, if you are indeed right there reading all of this, you should now clearly see where this man's attitude lies. And its not a good spot for you, or any woman, who wants a committed relationship with a man, to be in.
OMG I missed this....
but wow....I am glad you came here to get some clarity....at least I hope that was your intention. From what we have read, your gf feels VERY left out of the situation and you do not seem to care much about that. How can you expect a postive relationship between the 3 of them if you are not fostering that? If YOU are clearly NOT making the postive effort for them, how can you expect your SD's to follow suit? Skids will do what their parents do as far as treatment of a step parent at any age. If you disrespect her, they will as well. You cannot possibly even expect them to respect her if you do not. If you have never been a step parent, the feelings she feels are foreign to you. I understand these are your SD's, not your BD's and I can easily see how and why they are so attached to you. Given the history with their BM, it is easy to see why they cling to you. However, even you, have to cut the perverbial cord as ALL parents do at some point. I understand how hard that can be....been there, but it must be done. If you don't, you will have an adult child and all her children living with you at 30-40-50 yrs of age. As parents, we ALL want our children to be self sufficient and productive citizens. That starts with us....they aren't just born with the ability to be that way, we teach them that. Sounds like you love these girls. If so, it is high time you practiced some tough love and MADE them get on with their own lives. It will be the most loving gift you could ever give them. GF aside, no relationship you ever have will work out if you do not let these girls develop lives of their own. That's not fair to you or to them or to GF.
wait a mintute...
These aren't his daughters? Where did I miss that?! I think I'm confused, once again!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
actually I think I am the one who is confused....
I thought that this was Nicole's DH responding to her posts.....now I realize that this is a completely different person. Though, their stories are very similar....
Mizmel's bf.. She was upset
Mizmel's bf.. She was upset about the lie in addition to leaving her out of things. I do not think that YOU would like being lied to on her whereabouts, so why you think its ok to lie to her on yours seems insane.
Nothing will tick a woman off faster than being lied to. If you lie about the stupid sh*t, like meeting your daughters and hanging out for the day, then you will lie about the big stuff.
Your daughters are entering adulthood... they are not your wives.. they are not YOUR guardians.. they are your children. I am sorry that your ex was an abusive alcoholic.. but Mizmel is NOT your ex wife. You brought a lot of baggage into this relationship (the ex wife's treatment of you over the years.. etc) and you need to work on seperating your feelings from that relationship and the hurt you felt.. from your relationship w/mizmel.
I agree w/the ladies on here that are telling you that if you want a relationship w/this woman, then you need to make her a priority and give her the love and RESPECT she deserves.. that respect would be getting your children to include her and respect her, and NOT lying to her.
Perhaps you both should go to counseling.. I am sure hearing this all from an unbaised person might make you see things differently.
Is it possible
I suspect your daughters have some real problems because of their upbringing, and lack of stability as you posted. You could continue to find new gf's but I suspect you would run into the same problem. They would call it out, and not want to be around them either. If your daughters are unable to control their behavior and at least be civil then you need to keep them separate from your personal life. My dh does this, goes meet his family but puts me first. Certain family members are so dysfunctional that not too many people like them, still they are his family. Your gf also needs to understand that there are times you need to spend just with them, but they are grown and need to get their own lives and respect yours. Don't kill yourself trying to make it one big family, that won't ever happen. Keep them separate. Recognize they have problems, and try and understand there are reasons you gf feels the way she does.
OMG - HOW DARE YOU??? I have
OMG - HOW DARE YOU??? I have to say that this is one of the most infuriating posts I have ever read. NO ONE IS TELLIING YOU TO TURN YOUR BACK ON YOUR DAUGHTERS!! You know something, one day your daughters will eventually get their own lives and do you know who will be left out in the cold all alone? YOU - and you'll deserve it for pushing away someone who loved and cared for you and only wanted some respect and consideration from your "adult" children. Let me tell you a little story of how things that are not addressed can blow up into huge problems down the road. I have 2 SD'S 15 and 13. For the past year oldest SD would make snide remarks and post underhanded comments on her MYSPACE page directed at me - everytime I would try talking to my DH about it - he would dismiss it saying that I was being too sensitive and overly critical of his kids. Fast forward to this past Sept when after an innocent conversation the 4 of us were having about religion in our home - she misinterpreted something I saud and posted a vile, horrific and extremely offensive bulletin on her MYSPACE page that was directed at ME!! When my DH tried to get her to realize that what she did was wrong and told her to apologize to me - she refused. My husband would not allow her back in OUR home until she apologized - she refused again and again and was not allowed in our home or in our wedding this past November. This is what can happen when you continue to ignore the things that your children do to your G/F/WIFE/SO. Open your eyes and wake the hell up - your kids are not angels - they are trying to sabatage your relationship and if you don't see that - you are going to end up all alone!!!
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
I think you guys scared him
Not to make light, but damn, one has to question the wisdom of marching into a lioness den and announcing yourself as the favorite menu item....
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
lol! northern...great analogy! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
No kidding!!!! I took this
No kidding!!!! I took this especially personal because of issues that I have had to deal with in my life with SD and DH and today was the wrong day for this guy to come on here defending his perfect children.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
yeah.. I think they are his
yeah.. I think they are his daughters.. not his steps.. but OMG.. did you read the other post on the fact that they ruined his last relationship of 3 yrs.. this isnt a one time thing. They seem to want a monopoly on this man.
Good lord. I would think that he would listen to his friends.
Something tells me men like
Something tells me men like that will never learn..or at least not until his daughters get their own lives!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
AEW
I hear you talking but how many of you are willing put up walls to shun your own Bio- children for the sake of saveing your new relationship? and whats happens to you when your relationship ends with your present S/O.
Will your children whom you have shunned come running to you in your time of grief?
Well you obviously feel like
Well you obviously feel like you cannot sustain a lifelong partnership with anyone so you feel like you should always put your daughters first. Once again, nobody is telling you to shun them and no one is saying they shun their own kids for the sake of their marriages. But we do not allow our children to make our SO's feel like dirt. Children & SOs have very different roles and yet you are letting your children push out your SO. Thats what will make YOU END UP ALONE!!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
well said melis
agreed. the lines shouldnt blur...they have 2 separate roles. if u want to always out ur kids first at the expense of ur SO, fine...thats YOUR choice. but to be fair to that SO, tell her and dont be surprised if no one wants to be w u. SO are PARTNERS and kids are not.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
No one is telling you to
No one is telling you to "shun" your children!!! Perhaps if you had not guilt-parented them and indulged them their entire lives as I am 100% sure you must have done then they would understand some rather novel concepts known as boundaries, respect and accountability. Oh but then again they were the children of divorce so you must have excused and forgiven any bad behavior and chalked it up to their difficult childhoods.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
Hmmmm....
I don't think there is anything wrong with needing alone time.
Life is all about compromise. EVERYONE needs to do a little bit.
Everyone wants a piece of Dad/DH. Romantic weekends for husband and wife (BF/GF or whatever) and ski trips with just daddy and daughters. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. My husband goes to a daddy/daughter dance with his daughters every single year and I stay home. It's great.
I think Melis's idea of a schedule would be great. It causes all the flakes (I say this lovingly because I'm a HUGE one) to stick to a date.
Everyone needs to respect everyone elses feelings. Nowhere is it written that grown stepchildren need to be embraced by a new stepmom (or GF or whatever) nor is it written that stepchildren need to embrace her. BUT we do need to find a middle ground. A place where each person sacrifices for the greater good...for the happiness of the whole group. We can't all have it our way. But each individual can fulfill their own needs without stomping their feet and throwing a fit because we don't get our way.
It's okay to be a daddy's girl. It's okay to worship the ground your spouse walks on. You can't change how you feel...just don't be surprised when someone get jealous.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
Where did you get that? I am not shunning my children and
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
do NOT repeat NOT expect my H to shun his. Where is treating someone with respect (both you and your D's) shunning?
You keep defending your position instead of looking at this from the outside, and seeing what you need to be doing, yourself, to allievate the situation. Evidently you do not feel your relationship with Mel is worth the effort.
How much would it have hurt you to call her, the afternoon you just disappeared-and let her know what you were doing?
Your grown daughters-beat her cat, cut the hair off of her dog-you call that normal? you call that respecting her (mels) place? Those actions sound like preschoolers. Coming from grown young women, they are vindictive...disrespectful...putting her (mel) in her place by showing her they can do whatever they want and get away with it. Which is wrong, anyway you look at it.
So Mel may have her defenses up where your D's are concerned-it is clear why. All it would take would be a little effort on your part, a little change in your attitude about blood and water-to make a difference. But you don't want to budge.
Do her sons treat you with disrespect? does she sneak around like you do when she sees her sons?
It's clear where your daughters get their attitude.
EEK
Two big red flags for me here.
One, he mentioned Walking on Eggshells...
so who's borderline in the house eh?
Let me see....
Oh yeah and this part-
"Your grown daughters-beat her cat, cut the hair off of her dog-you call that normal?"
OMG.
No. Not normal. Mistreating animals is a HUGE warning sign of things to come.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
There's a big difference
JamaicanMeCrazy
in "shunning" your child or being a parent. Unfortunately, too many parents choose to try to be their kids friends and lose any credibility (and common sense)when it comes to the responsibility of raising a child. You don't "put up walls" either, but you DO let the kids know that you are entitled to a life too. Children should learn from an early age that there are adult times as well as childrens time - and they should be made to respect that fact. AEW, you're going to be in for a rude awakening when those kids finally grow up and leave you high & dry.
I agree w/Melis, Bellatica
I agree w/Melis, Bellatica and SSM.. no one on here is telling you to shun your kids. They are saying that you have to treat the people in your lives in the roles they have been given. You can not give your children POWER over your life. I would not let a child run my life. As a child I did not run MY parents lives. I still dont as an adult. I have that respect for them.
Your gf is the one that loves you the way a woman loves a man. She is the one that you have the opportunity to build a life long relationship with. IF you let your daughters have that role, then you will NEVER have a life long partner. You will be looking in from the outside, once these girls have moved on w/their families and their lives.
I read the post titled Wicked Stepdaughters.. Does the fact that they pushed the last lady of 3 yrs out of your life tell you anything?!?!?!?!?!? They will keep doing this as long as you allow them. set them straight. They are your CHILDREN, not your keepers.. they are to respect the woman you are dating. They do not have to like her, but they do have to respect her, her children and her pets!!
aw thanks chica!
we ARE so wise!!
honestly, he keeps avoiding what i post and anyone else who says what i am and just keeps going back to the same story--would any of us shun our kids for our SOs?? again, they are not the same roles!
this blog has taken on a mob mentality BUT its w the intention of getting thru to this "man" for mel's sake.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
I know.. its easier to
I know.. its easier to focus on that than to ACTUALLY deal w/the real questions and the real truth of the matter. He would rather attack than take a long hard look at his behavior and that of his girls.. sorry.. I mean "Ladies".
Maybe it'll do lots of GOOD, Bella
Perhaps this man never realized that he was allowing his "kids" to assume a role they should never have been given and, as such, he has lost out (and may again lose out) on a lifetime of adult love.
I honestly feel sorry for kids who are treated as "equals" in their parents' lives. How confusing it is for them. And, eventually, they DO come to resent the fact that they never had a real "parent"
to look up to.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
PLUS
what kind of example is that giving them about their own adult relationships??
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
This actually reminds me somewhat of my relationship w/H
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
and trying to reason with him. It just isn't going to happen.
I can only hope that Mizmel thinks all this through-before she ends up in my place, which is a very unhappy place to be.
I wonder if this poor girl
I wonder if this poor girl knows he has hacked into her account yet?
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
SHE IS RIGHT HERE
HHHHMMMMMM
If she doesnt yet.. she
If she doesnt yet.. she will soon enough.
AEW Alone
True
Let me share with all of you something Mel is not the easiest person in the world to get along with.
did I mention that at first it was me and mel then it became me ,mel,and her 10year old then all of a sudden it became me,mel,the 10yr old and her 70yr old mom with demincia living in my home.
So when you say ill be alone well that sounds pretty good right now.
signed big hearted and Alone
Are you freakin kidding
Are you freakin kidding me????? SERIOUSLY!!!! Let me tell you something you giant jerk... where do you get off, expecting this woman to bow down to your precious two daughters and you are harboring this kind of resentment against her CHILD (an actual freakin child) and her elderly mom.. (I have a grandmother w/demencia, and let me tell you something.. its hard to watch someone you love slowly lose their freakin mind.. its harder still to put them in a home, as THAT person raised you and cared for you)..
MEL.. RUN FOR THE F N HILLS.. this guys is a creep and a loser.
SORRY!
Chill
You need to chill before you burst a bloodvessel.
I do not need to chill..
I do not need to chill.. You need to have a bit more compassion for the woman you supposedly love, yet find so difficult to be with.. given she has a child and a mother to care for on top of being SHUNNED by your two daughters.
no buddy...U NEED
to pull ur head out of ur ass and move on bc u obviously dont love mel and would rather cater to ur grown princesses and have a relationship...WHICH IS FINE AND YOUR CHOICE BUT STOP STRINGING MEL ALONG AND THEN COMING ON HERE AND BASHING HER TO HER FRIENDS WHO SUPPORT HER. NO WAY is she rite there w u or she wouldve put an end to ur nonsense by now bc NO WOMAN WOUDL LET SOME ASSHOLE "MAN" TALK ABOUT HER THE WAY U HAVE TALKED ABOUT HER HERE. NOW GOODBYE.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
BIG HEARTED AND ALONE???
BIG HEARTED AND ALONE??? Right - I think that SACKLESS AND SELF-ABSORBED is more like it. Let me tell you something you self righteous jacka** if Mel isn't the easiest person to live with I cna only imagine what it must be like dealing with you. She is the mother of an actual child - did you get that? An actual child of 10 and with a mother suffering from dementia has her hands full!! What do you do to help her? Anything at all? I doubt that you do, yet you expect her to bow to the whims of your spoiled girls.
I hope that she owns the home you both share and can kick your selfish butt to the curb so she can focus on her family and on the people who truly love and appreciate her!!
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
here here.. I second that
here here.. I second that SSM!
me three!
dang...the estrogen here is intense today!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Buddy - Give me some of what you're on...
... 'cause it suuurrrre must be good!
I agree with the rest of the ladies here as well... But tell me something - where do you see yourself in 5 years? In 10? I can tell you where - all alone. Your daughters will move on, and have relationships of their own. Do you seriously think that if you tell one of your daughters that you don't like her boyfriend, she'll put you first? Seriously?? Nevermind if she were to get engaged to said boyfriend... If you think either of your daughters will put you before their own futures/relationships, you'll be in for a big ol' surprise.
As someone else stated, you should be a parent to your daughters, not a pal, or a friend, their manners - or lack there of - are proof positive of it.
And in answer to your question to another poster, MY daughters are in school at the moment, and BOTH on the honour roll, BOTH with part-time jobs. Neither my ExDH or their SM, SF or myself have had to lie/hide things from each other about the girls - EVER. We are all on the same page where my daughters are concerned, the fact that they have turned out to be loving, well adjusted young adults is proof of that. I am VERY proud of them, and do not feel as though I need to lie about, or hide my relationship with either of them.
Oh - and when mizmel comes back on here, and sees what you've done, what you've said about her, and the uproar you've caused, I really, really hope that she runs. fast.
HHHmmm
Hmmm
as a man theres no possible way that any of you sees anyone other than mel as the victim?
Your Perception Is waaay off
Wow, how about your daughters have some real issues/problems. And please don't tell us about the 4 point ect. People all walks of life can have emotional issues, how about Mel has good reason not to think they're the salt of the earth.
Do you entertain that possibility??
You would be surprised.. we
You would be surprised.. we have men on this site.. and guess what.. As opposed to you, they actually RESPECT the women in their lives.. Foreign thought for you.. I KNOW!! Go figure right!?!?
I can tell you right now.. if your grown princesses had even touched a hair on my pets heads, let alone beating an INNOCENT FREAKIN CAT.. I would have pounded her into the god damn ground. Get your head OUT OF YOUR ASS.. and be a man.. rather than your daughter's patsy and play thing.
YOU DESERVE TO BE ALONE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.. Just to spare WOMEN EVERYWHERE!
yeah we see someone else
yeah we see someone else besides her as the vistim...her ANIMALS for what your daughter did! Sorry, but come on. Obviously there are 2 sides to this but if you want your relationship to work, then quit making her feel like an outsider. Thats all I can tell you.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
I see no victims here
Everyone is exercising free will. Your daughters, from what I'm reading, are grown. They are exercising their perceived right to your undivided attention. Mel is exercising her choice to allow you all to control her happiness, and you are exercising your belief you can successfully juggle this so that you can remain the focus of everyone's attention.
I see all of you as dysfunctional, right now.
I'm hoping Mel will soon exercise her right to happiness and realize that lonely and alone are not mutually inclusive states of being. Sometimes....wait a minute. I rarely use absolutes but-
It is ALWAYS far better to be on your own, surrounded by friends and family who love you, then to be incredibly lonely in the midst of a relationship.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
teehee...well there are over
teehee...well there are over 50 posts so it can get confusing! I'm over this...he doesn't want advice or help he wants to just gets us upset. And its working for the most part...let him live his life as he sees fit & lets just hope Mel moves on.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
OMG.. Melis.. that was
OMG.. Melis.. that was great.. YES the ANIMALS are the other victims, also Mel's child and her MOTHER clearly.. he harbors resentment against them all!
Not wanting it to work??
Doesnt sound like he wants this to work...Letting 2 grown children run your life is trouble....If your not happy move on...And see if you will ever have anyone that will put up with this...GOOD LUCK!!!
I don't think mel is a victim...
We all make our own choices, and you should be very proud of your daughters' accomplishments. However, it seems immature and dramatic for your daughters to make a big deal of wanting more alone Daddy time at their ages. But whatever...that's between you and your daughters. It also seems immature and dramatic to seek validation for your actions through this site. And it seems that you are minimizing your relationship with Mel...would you want your daughters' husbands/boyfriends to treat them like they were second-class citizens? Hmmmm...I think Mel is in for some long-term DRAMA if she stays in this situation.
Bottom line....your SO is your LOVER
One has a relationship (intimacy, emotional AND physical) with their spouse, bf, fiance, whomever, that can NEVER EVER be equaled in any other relationship.
Sure, some people "sleep around" (immature!) and never achieve that level of intimacy. However, once you FIND that one true LOVE with whom to develop that relationship, while other relationships are to be maintained, the primary relationship in your life supercedes all others.
And, people who TRULY LOVE YOU will be HAPPY that you have found such a relationship. They won't want to jeopardize your happiness! They'll support you any way they can!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
aw KK!!
that sums it up perfectly! thats why so many of us are here...despite all the bs w the BMs and skids, we've found that one true love and will do anything to protect it! sadly, that doesnt seem like the case here
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
If Mel is really there with
If Mel is really there with you. What is her take on all of this? What is her reaction to what we are telling you?
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
If Mel is there with him,
If Mel is there with him, she's probably asleep....
I can't imagine anyone standing next to someone while they go on and on like this, doing something that will probably make her uncomfortable here at the very least.
AEW - If you felt the overwhelming need to come here and defend your daughters "virtues", then why not have the balls to make your own account and post away? You're coming across as an arrogant, self absorbed bastard, and using Mel's account to do this is only making you look worse. I'll be interested to read Mel's take on this....
Pretty soon he'll have his
Pretty soon he'll have his daughters on here, starting at all out war!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Oh.. I am sure he is going
Oh.. I am sure he is going to give them her password and everything.. he doesnt know boundaries.. I am sure they will come on here, start a shit storm and show their true colors.. then we can see first hand what Mel is talking about!
Bring it.
Loving your victim line (sarcastic). There should be no victim
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
in a relationship. Your choice of views is skewed.
I love my son-we have a great relationship. He is grown. When he visits here, he is polite to my H. Even knowing our relationship is on the rocks, he remains polite.
SD17, however, the overindulged guilt parented daughter of my H, is rude, snotty, insolent to me every opportunity she gets. H wouldn't even see it until this weekend, when she verbalized it so clearly. And yet he continues to make excuses for it. Which is a big reason this marriage is probably not going to last till spring.
If you want to continue your war, which with your wording, blood being thick, victim, etc, is obviously what you want, why not be honest-tell Mel she will never be EQUAL (that is spell e-q-u-a-l not ABOVE, not BELOW)to you in this relationship. and that includes your precious darling daughters who evidently do no wrong in your eyes.
Read Your Post
Sometimes we need to go back and read what we write. You continually refer to HER, SHE, MEL. SHE DID. You didn't put any accountability on your daughters, who are adults. Just a observation fyi
Just noticed that RAGS is
Just noticed that RAGS is logged in. Rags as a man - do you have any thoughts on this???
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
did you send Rags a pm to
did you send Rags a pm to send him to this post?
No I didn't
No I didn't actually.....
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
in most cases I would agree
with you, but in this case......I think it would only lead to more bickering. The 3 of them likely see nothing wrong with their current situation, so I don't think it would be at all helpful....
yep, mine too
but in her defense, she is mentally ill......maybe his daughters are too????
What was the "Chava
What was the "Chava Incident"? I think I missed that.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Oh Lord......
NO ONE wants to revisit that!
Chava was a poster here and at the end, it got sad and ugly.
ahhh, I see...glad I missed
ahhh, I see...glad I missed it then!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Man, all this reminds me of my exH
He used to put his MOMMY before me. And I thought that was sick!
I got to thinking
And I really have to ask....
What's the point of having a relationship if you don't treat your partner as your partner?
What purpose would it serve anyone to be in a relationship like this?
Wouldn't it be more appropriate to get a dog?
Whoa
I have nothing to add - you ladies said it all!! Go away jack*ss, come back mizmel! I try to never say this, but please get rid of this guy!! You deserve much better.
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
Sound advice!
Cruella I agree completely-if you do not have a strong adult foundation it will not work. If my adult children pulled the crap Mizmel's SD's do on her relationship I would not stand for it no matter how much I love them!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
Let me see my two sons are
Let me see my two sons are fighting for their country. The oldest will be home next week, the youngest not until June. My sd sitting in bed watching tv/playing video games. None of us want anything more than to be loved and respected by our partners. My sons are not my friends they are my sons. I love and respect the adults they have become. I suggest that mizmel change her login name and password asap. By using her account with out her knowledge shows that you can't be trusted. If your bds have inherited your genes then they sran't to be trusted either. Blood will tell. I suggest that miz take the garbage to the curb and be done with it.
ferretmom, You may have
ferretmom,
You may have missed part of this story. Mimzel's BF is on the board at her invitation.
Family time??
Do you need that much famliy time at his daughters age?? I can see setting aside a dinner at your home for the "family" once a month. And once or twice a month dad/daughter time, I happen to think alone time with Bio kids and parents is very important. I have my H take my SD9 out every Wed. for their alone time--and I have to say we are all happier for it. H was resistant for a long time but he is now really enjoying it.
Even when the girls are 30 they are still going to want alone time with Dad--thats o.k but Dad should not be lying to his girlfriend about it. Even if she gets mad. Dad just tell girlfriend you have scheduled time with them, they are important to you. If it is scheduled it shouldn't be that big of a deal. Your girlfriend should know it could be much worse, what if the duaghters were calling daily and asking for money or grandpa to babysit?
Sorry everyone but I think this is simply about alone time. Girlfriend should get hers (most of his time) and the girls should get theirs (scheduled in advance to help prepare the girlfriend). My suggestion--work a schedule out, if the girlfriend trys and still has an issue it might be time to part ways.
I know my BS won't be with me till death but I know that no matter how old he gets I will want him near. I will want to have that alone time with him to bond. I'm sure that is all the dad wants. This can be worked out, can't it??
i would have no problem with
i would have no problem with them spending time together if it were for the right reasons. Boh me and my fiance are well aware of why they are doing this. they have made it clear to their father their hatred for me. if, in the beginning, i had been told that this is what they do, (the father daughter thing) i wouldve had no problems with that. instead this crap comes up a year after were together, just long enough for them to establish that they hate me. i honestly have never met girls quite like this, they are the most disrespectful girls ive ever known. and ive always prided myself on my ability to get along with even the most hardcore of people, but these 2 are impossible. and also keep in mind these 2 girls basically destroyed their fathers relationship with his gf of 3 yrs prior. there was some other minor issues, but the brunt of it came from these girls. they just will not accept another woman in his life. thats the way i see it.