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Difficult Future SD

tamugrad94's picture

Submitted by tamugrad94 on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 10:10am

I am engaged to a wonderful woman. She has a 17 year old daughter that has major issues. The daugher has been in rehab due to meth addiction. This has seem to work at least for Meth. Although, We have found her with pills. Plus, she likes to drink. She is also on probabtion for drug possesion. The daughter has major anger issues and disrespect for myself and her mom. She is also under psychiatric care. I am perplexed and dont know what to do. I have very bad case of cold feet and dont want to set a wedding date. The daughter did like me in the beginning and has done a 360 on me. She cusses me and yells at me. I would love to hear what others think of this situation. I dont want to give up on Mom and I am hoping with time this will improve.

Comments

whatwasithinkin's picture

Submitted by whatwasithinkin on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 10:20am

remain in your own home and actively date Mom. this is not a child she is 17 soon she will be off on her own and if Mom is willing to draw privacy lines.

nothinforya's picture

Submitted by nothinforya on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 10:30am

If you don't live together, just wait for a while. The daughter will either get worse, or better, and you can make a decision about marriage. Even if you do cohabitate, there is no rush to marry. Protect your assets from the addict in either case.

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 10:33am

This is an addict. period.

Getting off of meth is great. But by substituting other drugs she is still an addict.

This may be something that is never going to go away. A friend's daughter (intact lovely home) is almost 40. She's been sent to many, many rehabs. Spent hundreds of thousands of dollars (yes you read that right) on residential programs across the country.

Her future does not look promising. Even if she leaves your home she is going to be a burden to your wife forever.

tamugrad94's picture

Submitted by tamugrad94 on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 1:44pm

Yes, I agree. I have mentioned to my SO that the daughter needs to go back to rehab. My SO agrees but will not do anything about it. We are threatened all the time with her going back to meth and running away. Its unbelievable. I met alot of couples when she was in rehab and couldnt believe th trouble these families were in.

tamugrad94's picture

Submitted by tamugrad94 on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 10:37am

Thank you for the comments. We dont live together as of yet. We have been considering it for some time and I keep pushing it off because of all of this drama. I met alot of families when she was in rehab and the amount of fear that they had for their kid was amazing. Plus, alot of them were divorced. I dont want to get married and divorced due to all this because I know that I have alot of patience but I do have a breaking point. I just hate it that I am with someone that I have a great relationship with. But, I have to admit that I am scared of the daughter because she is willing to be physically violent. She had a physical fight with her 60 year old grandfather.

tamugrad94's picture

Submitted by tamugrad94 on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 10:42am

Mom is trying but seems to have a very hard time with it. She was a softie before I came in the picture but has changed due to all the bad beahvior. The kid plans to move out at 18 and go on her own. She doesnt have clue what it is in the real world. Mom is at breaking point and done with her kid and does plan to draw some hard lines with her when she moves out. One of the main issues is telling the daughter "NO". She totally flyes off the handle when she hears it. Questions: for those with similar story would you marry your SO knowing what you know now?

tamugrad94's picture

Submitted by tamugrad94 on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 11:00am

I hear what your saying and this so difficult because I love the mom. I really care for her. I have seen the daughter kick in doors, punch holes in doors, cut herself( to kill herself) when she was reaklly drunk or high, yell at everyone that disagrees with her. The only thing she obeys is her curfew because her PO checks on her regularly. Also, she skips school but this has stopped due to the PO intervening and treatening jail. I am just so perplexed and dont know what to do. I jsut know that this is killing me inside and causing some major unhapiness.

RandE559's picture

Submitted by RandE559 on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 11:28am

I am in the same situation. However, I am going on 8 yrs being married. I have 3 SKIDS, SS20 and SDTWINS14 in my case they have gotten worse. They were great in the beginning. I have a wonderful DH and we're in this together. At times it gets very overwhelming and I want to run, but as the person commented before me...finding enter peace is key. Be your finance's support system. Help her detach and not enable her daughter. Get books on it, you guys read up on whatever material you can find on the matter and let your fiance discover what she can do better for her daughter on her own with your indirect help though, that way it comes from her decision making and she will be stronger for it!

tamugrad94's picture

Submitted by tamugrad94 on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 1:46pm

Where did it go wrong in your case? I think mine went downhill when I started sticking up for my SO. The daugher would call her names and I would take up for her. All I have done is stickup for what is right and do what I can to help her.