The Wicked Stepdaughters
This site is awesome!! I now realize im not the only one suffering at the hands of the SD.s. I have been with my fiance for 2 yrs now, we got along great at first. he has 2 daughters 20 and 21, and I was so happy when i found out. I have 2 sons and was thrilled to know that my fiance had 2 girls. i met the girls a month or so after we started dating. I noticed my fiance was kinda wary about us meeting, i didnt know why tho. When i finally did meet them, they both seemed kinda distant and aloof with me, especially the younger one, but were nice enough i suppose. As the months passed, I noticed the youngest had an attitude with me and i told my fiance and he said it was all in my head that i was just insecure. So i let it go on that note figuring that maybe i was just imagining all this. His youngest daughter is in college, a very pretty and smart girl, but her personality is awful. she stayed with us last summer after college, and things went ok for awhile. then one morning i woke up to my cat screaming and wailing. i ran out to the back yard and there she was, beating the hell outta my cat for catching a bird. I was soooo angry. yeah i love animals and have 3 dogs and a cat. I have a yorkie which i adore and she is so mean to her , she even cut my yorkies hair on her head without my permission. that really made me mad! I know she did these awful things to my pets because they belong to me. and i told her dad i didnt want her around my animals ever again. thats only one of the many times she has hurt my feelings and made me angry. and the oldest daughter follows suit. she cant seem to make decisions for herself, she always has to do what her sister says, which i find ridiculous. its like the sister is the parent in all this, even to the point of getting over on her father. hes in total denial about all these events. he believes alot of this is my fault, when all ive done is try to be nice to them and wanting to have a solid family unit but of course they wont allow that. I even shelled out $2500.00 to help the youngest get a car. (yeah her father paid it back eventually) but the thing is I did not have to do that and i wouldnt have if i knew then what i know now. I have bought both girls all kinds of gifts, they had a huge Christmas last year, i spent like 300 bux apiece on them. I just wanted everybody to have a great Christmas, but even then i felt left out in a sense. i did not feel love per say. i told my fiance im not buying them a damn thing this christmas, that they didnt deserve it. he said he would buy them christmas and put our names on the gifts. i told him DO NOT put my name on anything you give them. and the oldest daughter got married last year and i didnt wanna go to the wedding cuz i knew i would be shunned, but i did go and yes i was treated like shyt! and it even continued thru the reception which was held here at our house. i noticed every time i would walk in a room where the youngest daughter was, she would up and leave. she even made it just so obvious, even had her bf there following her from room to room. LOL! this is just a few instances out of many, and may i mention that throughout all this I had been holding my tongue, i didnt want any drama at all. what really set me off is that the youngest daughter came back from college for a weekend and called and asked her dad to go have dinner with her. she told him she didnt want me to join. so my fiance told her he wasnt going to go cuz he didnt want to leave me at home by myself on a friday night. She got extremely pissed! thats when both girls quit talkin to me. this is when the real problems began. my fiances had a graduation dinner that we attended and the girls were there and said not one word to me. and making sure everyone around them knew they were pissed cuz i was there. well, we finally left to go home and guess whos here when we pull up? yep, the girls were sitting in the house on my computer. i told my fiance when we pulled up in the drive that we should leave and not go in there cuz i knew what was gonna happen. they would start verbally attacking their dad. they were already in attack mode and i knew this. but he said no blah blah blah. so we went in and i went straight to the bedroom with no words spoken. next thing i hear is a screaming match. it woke up my 9 yr old son,who started crying and wanting something to drink. so i went into the kitchen where they were standing, i was boiling mad at this point, the youngest said something really ugly to me, i just cant remember what it was, maybe cuz i was so angry. well i just lost my tongue and let her have an earful. i told her that i knew about what they did to their dad's relationship of 3 yrs prior to us.(They basically destroyed it and i got that info from their father) yeah thats something else i found out way later, about his previous relationship and the way the girls acted toward her.they also treated her like shyt. i told my fiance thats theres a pattern here, and he needs to be firm about all this or else all his relationships will end this way. anway my fiance got pissed and made them leave and then told me to get out as well. (he recanted that after he calmed down) after all this they havent come over in almost a year.and i must say its been great! until the phone calls start and them wanting daddy to meet them somewhere or whatever. i get so angry cuz daddy drops whatever he is doing and runs to them. its not often, maybe once a month or so. but on to say his oldest daughter had a baby june 11 and i am not allowed to see it. before the baby was born i went out and bought all kinds fo stuff to keep here for when the baby comes over. clothes blankets ,etc. that really hurt my feelings and i had to give the baby clothes away cuz now they are too small. and the holidays are coming up, and i know they will try their best to make mine miserable by pulling their father away.I told my fiance3 they do that crap cuz they know it irritates me. now we are on the verge of breaking up cuz of them. my fiance told me he would always choose his girls over me, and i told him that was wrong that it shouldnt be a matter of choice. i also told him that if he ever does get into another relationship and this happens again (and it will) that maybe the 3rd time will be the charm and maybe he will finally see what everybody has been trying to telll him. his own friends have even told him the girls were wrong. but he keeps insisting that im partially to blame. geez!
He told you he would always choose his grown D's over you
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
And you're still engaged? That is a deal breaker.
If my H had told me that, I wouldn't be in the mess I'm in right now. Because I would never knowingly marry a man who made it clear I will never be what a spouse should be-the primary relationship.
At least your F was honest, and you'll know exactly where you stand if you marry him. Let me tell ya from experience-being the outsider in your own home is hell. Only you can make your decision, but I'd walk, walk, walk away from this one!
what??
those girls are BRATS and he would prefer their treatment of him over the love you show him?
he is an ass... let him have his princesses. go find someone who will love you and respect your feelings who will care about you!
sorry but I just think that it awful for him to say that to you.
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
Cut and run, Sweetheart
If he put it put there that he would rather choose those awful ingrates over you, then save yourself the inevitable heartache and RUN!!!!!
Some men fool themselves and the women they are with that "they will change" or that "things will be different"...at least he didn't use any of that BS with you and was clear und up front with his feelings.
Count your blessings.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
I feel MUCH of your pain...
When I met my H, his Ds were 24, 23, and 20. Like
you, I was SO excited!! I had my OWN S and D(19 and
12 at the time), and I thought we would be the most
wonderful family. New SHOPPING buddies for me and
my BD.
WRONG!! I soon found out they had NO CLASS, they
were crude, rude, etc. I, also could tell story after story; the oldest sent a NASTY mass Email to
my entire Email list (this was to "warn" all of my
family/friends who have known me for 2 decades or
more of how "unstable" I am); nasty phone calls,
screaming matches, etc.
Every holiday, a disaster. When we were engaged
at the time went to
for about 6 mos., I went to Christmas Eve dinner
at his mother's. One SD (24 at the time) brought her
huge DOG (no leash) to run around this tiny house.
The dog bit my daughter; I spent Christmas eve in
the ER with my daughter, H
Christmas Eve mass with his skanks...
I DUMPED HIS BUTT for several months after that.
He missed me like HELL, calling me, etc. NO WAY WAS
I getting back with him until he calmed down those
SKANKS...
Fast forward 3-4 years, and things are BETTER, but
certainly not great. Two of them have married and
have LIVES (they don't bother us too much anymore,
but, yes, when they DO call "daddy" they expect him
to come running). The FUNNY part is that NOW they
would LOVE to play "big happy family"...sorry, I'm
not going for it.
Thanks to this site, I have become very good at
DETACHING. I make my OWN holiday plans; if they
want to whine to "daddy", hope they have a blast.
THEIR PROBLEMS are not MY PROBLEMS. PERIOD!!!
I, too, bought them many beautiful items over the
years. I bought two of them their china for their
showers, bought them tickets for events, shows, etc.
things NO ONE has ever done for them.
In essence, I was TOO NICE to them, and everyone got
too used to it. Sometimes you don't know what you HAD until its gone.
Maybe a break-up isn't such a bad thing, mm. I have
told my H many times that the NEXT TIME they pull any
crap on me EVER AGAIN, I'm out the door with my OWN
classy 16 year old BD.
I'm NOT YOU, but I would tell him to GO TO HADES until he rephrases his priority sentence: YOU come
before HIS "girls"...especially if one is married,
she should "cleave" to her husband, NOT her daddy,
and vice versa...
OOH! These situations get my blood boiling!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
I agree with the ladies here
I agree with the ladies here - if he has told you his girls will always come first - cut your losses and leave his sorry a** to deal with his angels all on his own!!
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
EVEN IF HE DIDNT SAY IT
his actions certainly speak it.
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
Oh, I just wanna mention this one, too...
Hold the fact that they broke up his past relationship(s) as
your TRUMP CARD....my SDs basically broke up their parents'
marriage with their outrageous behavior. They were totally
out of control as teens. Their mom (who I get along with when
necessary) has advised ME to not let their nasty behavior get
to me...(their OWN BIO MOM!!)couldn't take it anymore and LEFT.
She married the guy and told me outright how nice it is to be in
a CALM relationship. They are still together.
If I were to leave their dad YET AGAIN because of THEM, H would
be devastated. Trust me. And, I'm guessing your guy would be
as well. Take the time to LAY THE LAW DOWN ONE GOOD before you
dare take this relationship any farther. As my good pals will tell you over and over again, one day those daughters WILL move on and he'll be left ALONE looking over your picture, crying,
wishing you were back. Keep that thought in mind; he needs YOU a hell of a lot more than you need HIS BULL$hit, MM!!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
Quote:
I quote you: "my fiance told me he would always choose his girls over me."
If you are willing to be in 4th place for the rest of your life, go ahead and marry this guy. If it's OK with you to be a wife to a husband who WILL ALWAYS put his adult daughter's feelings, wants, needs, and lives first before yours, this is the man for you.
At least he's being truthful and telling you up front that you don't matter now, and never will. I wish my H had been truthful before we were married--it would have saved a lot of heartache on my part, about $90,000, and another divorce to endure.
You really deserve better than this. Don't we all!
It seems people don't believe
It seems people don't believe that these kids can be so vindictive and sooo disruptive. I truly feel your pain and empathize your situation.wow.smh. well as for me there's a looooong list of events. However I'll give you three huge ones...but first I'd like to give all step parents who truly step up to the plate a hats off and a standing honor toward your sacrifices. 1. SD1(@time16yrs old/ 30 now and has not changed after having 3 of her own kids.) plotted to kill new born. Sibiling (my son), Fortunately I found the letter and prevented the actions in time. SD1 plotted and put into action to kill other sibiling (SD2) by smothering with pillow.foiled again. 2. SD1again...along with her dad attempted to recruit friends to attend a custody hearing (btwn her mom and Dad) to defamate my character. Well thanks to God and aresponsible parent who over heard the plott. It was foiled again.(that i tried to force sexual relations) 3. SD2 (21yrold) attacks and fist fights her mother and storms out of home to add injury to insult...tried to press charges on her mom to cover her tracks. Step parents catch hell fortunately the strong ones toss it back. There should be some strong laws that protect these honorable step parents. Not the evil ones. If there's a such thing. I myself am a step child. So i know how to farely treat as well how i should be treated. To you parents who encourage your children to perform the malice...remember what you're creating for society. Step parents stay in Truth. God knows your heart. Stop spoiling your kids.it's No good. Teach them Love, respect, and discipline. Otherwise obsession will set in overriding love. Next time you have spoiled milk in your refrig drink it and tell me if it taste good.