That if someone has something to HIDE (or if they KNOW it isn't right), they aren't gonna tell you about it. Period. Whether it be a SO, a child,
a sibling, or a friend. This is NOT a case of "no news being good news."

I would SERIOUSLY consider the moving out part; no 20 year old should be calling the shots, and I know my "sistas" are gonna tell you, also, that you don't deserve this crap. If she knows she can push you around NOW, it's only going to get WORSE. Maybe if they ALL KNOW that you're not "afraid" to take a break from them, that'll wise them up.

It worked for me with my buttinsky adult SDs. I dumped their dad for a while (years back, gave him back his engagement ring), he was miserable. I waited months until I'd see him again. It certainly calmed the Ds down.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt

I can understand your fiance's attempt and good intentions here but it seemed like a grade school approach to fix something that he needs to handle with his daughters. I really don't like how they ganged up on you.. You should show him this post and let him know that other women would feel this way too and that you aren't alone.

The worst feeling in the world is feeling like you don't exist because other "more important" people are now around. So next time you need to organize a really cool outing with some friends or family and don't call him until you get home. Tell him you didn't call cuz you thought that he would be upset. Let him taste his own medicine.. I am sorry this sounds like grade school but I feel for you and you didn't deserve that.

So have they said exactly what it is that they want? Obviously they feel like they don't get any alone time with their dad and they want some, but are they saying they want all their time with him to be alone time, or just once in a while? Have they tried compromising...like one day a month of just them? I would think at this age they don't neccessarily need alone time with him, I would think it should be family time, but it sounds like they don't like you and are resentful they have to spend their time with their dad with you also, thus trying to make dad choose between his daughters & wife. Thats not fair of them to do to your DH, and I'm sure this is killing him. Maybe he needs to talk to them on his own & tell them its not fair to him that they are trying to exclude his wife & that he feels hurt by it. Maybe if he gets it through their head that they are hurting him, not you, by acting this way they will see it differently? Or if not maybe he needs to set up plans with them alone just one day a month and the rest of the days if they want to see him they will have to do it with you there also...its a tough one. But I would say if you move out, they are getting exactly what they want & it only ends up hurting you & your husband. That would just thrill them to no end.

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

No one should feel left out at christmas and no wife should be treated that way. My DH ALWAYS talks to the kids on the phone when I'm not around. I never know when he talks to them or what's going on in their lives. With that being said, he asked me "when is the last time you invited the kids over"? My jaw dropped! The kids (19, 18 &16) never ask how I'm doing. DH does not talk to them when I'm around and gives them money behind my back. I don't know why he has to be so sneaky about it! I'm totally left out of the loop, they don't give a !@#$ about me, but I'm the one who's supposed to invite them over all the time? My DH totally disregards my feelings. I can't stand the sight of him right now and I'm dreading christmas dinner next week with him and the kids.

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

Feeling like an outsider in your home? And these two young women, who are now adults and should have their own lives to worry about, feel like you don't give them time alone with "daddy"?

Guess what? In families where there has been no divorce, the grown kids usually have time with both parents-one does not leave so the other can have time alone with (his) darlins'.

Moving out is the best thing you can do for yourself. If your F wants to dance to the jealousy tunes his GROWN daughters want to play, you're better off without them. You are as important in the relationship as he is-and I'm wondering, when the hell will any of these men, with children, see their significant (theres a reason they call it significant) other, fiance,or wife as their equal and not as somewhere below them and their kids, whether these kids are grown adults or not.

Move back to your own place-and don't tell him your every move. Go out with friends, family, and just let him wonder where you are. I don't really see where you have any other choice, unless you're willing to be miserable.

In my opinion, they are 21 and 20. They need to get lives of their own. There is no problem with them spending time with their father. But it seems like their mom have put other thoughts in their head - or they are upset their father has moved on.

Long story short. Do what you have to do to get your peace. If the dad can not stand up and put some type of boundaries in place - then these issues will continue to stand. They will not respect you until HE explains this to them.

Have a long talk with him and ask him to set boundaries that work for all parties involved.

Box the crazy ones up & send them into outer space......

It really use to get on my nerves my father not being able to tell my step-mum he was meeting me for lunch or taking me out. I think some father are scared of what they partners will say. I don't like when he has to lie or hide certain things from my step-mum he should be able to be up front but think its because he may want time with them by themselves. Its probably frustrating for them aswell.
Trust now this don't happen now. However it did upset and still does when my father gives me money and hides it from my step-mum. I think why should he hide certain things I am his daughter he should be able to approach his wife and say listen I gave my dd some money. Then again I think its not her business and now if he does behind my step-mums back I couldn't care. Its him hiding it not me and really stupid of him. Never actually asked him why he has to hide certain but then again I know her so well and if i got she will expect him to give money to my step-brother or half-brothers. I must say I don't ask him for nothing and this is because of my step-mum making me feel I can't ask him for anything. Yeah sounds dumb but this even caused a problem between my dp and I recently. Which my dad did do this favour which my dp didn't want him to pay for this item but just reserve it which also would of cost money so my dad said he would buy it and my dp give him back the money. Anyway in front of my step-mum my bf gave my dad the money for the thing but guess in the car going town to drop us off he gave £50 quid back to us but said spend it on our son.
I don't see my dad often and when I do he comes down with my step-mum to see me. I may get 1 hour it all depends and I am not even on my own with my father. Which personally I don't really care anymore. Sometimes if she is at her mums as they like near where I live he will come back on his own to spend like 10 mins with me or my son his grandchild. This also once caused a big issue. It boiled down to the fact my step-mum being so insecure.
I think its not being included that gets you mad or even asked. Maybe you are jealous when there are around but its just he wants his own time with his daughters. I think the way they treat you are bad. For me now I get on with my step-mum. Its like my dad dropped me,dp and our lo home and I knew my step-mum didn't want him to take us home. Trust me we did try to get him to drop us to the station. He was not having it and I said to my step-mum why don't she come for the journey but she said no. v.long story but I lived with my dad and step-mum 4 years but moved back to my mothers because of probs etc. Ever since i move back my dad been wanting me to move back so my dp,I and lo are going to move up there.
I think really this needs to stop with the stepkids him hiding stuff and you need to get along with them for his sake. It probably breaks his heart knowing his wife and gets don't get along.

I agree with your sd you do see their dad all the time. Well you probably do him being there coming from work tired, stressed having dinner maybe going to bed. I know what that as for you having quality time with him on his own I don't know if you ever get that time. Do you have kids together?

They will soon realise what they are doing their father. I just can't be be bothered with all stress of having this battle anymore. I call and see how they are often and I speak to step-mum and first and we have a chat first before she passes the phone over. I use to hate calling the house as I would have to speak to her but now I don't care at all really.
My dad calls me one in awhile and he visits when he is able to as he is busy. I don't try demand time and I do have my own life. This is what she probably likes now. Then again the sd that is 12 will need her dad even more as she may go through a tough time during her teens. Getting into boys etc. I do care to a certain point how my sm feels when it comes to my dad hiding things but sometimes I don't care at all. 3 sd's wow I mean you got alot on your plate. You need to realise cannot just get lost and not bother with their father but probably will need their dad its just a shame that you and them don't get on.
If you need any advice on anything as I know what its like as sd then ask away.

I agree with your sd you do see their dad all the time. Well you probably do see more than them but him coming from work tired, stressed having dinner maybe going to bed. I know what that as for you having quality time with him on his own I don't know if you ever get that time. Do you have kids together? Can't remember if you live together or not.

They will soon realise what they are doing to their father. I just can't be be bothered with all stress of having this battle anymore. I call and see how they are often and I speak to step-mum and first and we have a chat first before she passes the phone over. I use to hate calling the house as I would have to speak to her but now I don't care at all really.
My dad calls me one in awhile and he visits when he is able to as he is busy. I don't try demand time and I do have my own life. This is what she probably likes now. Then again the sd that is 12 will need her dad even more as she may go through a tough time during her teens. Getting into boys etc. I do care to a certain point how my sm feels when it comes to my dad hiding things but sometimes I don't care at all. 3 sd's wow I mean you got alot on your plate. You need to realise cannot just get lost and not bother with their father but probably will need their dad its just a shame that you and them don't get on.
If you need any advice on anything as I know what its like as sd then ask away.

Don't let those kids win. The problem here sounds like it is your H not laying out boundaries and expectations of the "children" needing to respect your position in their father's life. It is not a competition.
If you move out they get exactly what they want. Talk to your man. He needs to talk to his kids. It is not a roundtable discussion. There is nothing to discuss. They need to be told their behavior is inappropriate.

JamaicanMeCrazy
SD17 & SD21 have treated me like an outsider and "the enemy" since the day DH & I started dating. DH of course doesn't see this and if I say anything his response is "well you don't treat them like family or show them any love". I've tried repeatedly to get them involved in family activities, asked them to go do stuff with us, come over & just goof off, but it's either not enough notice or they cancel at the last minute. Their favorite mantra is 'you knew he had kids, and since you married him you should love us too!' Well give me a chance to see something other than 2 spoiled bratty little snots who really don't give a rat's behind about daddy dearest except when they want money. SD17 is really pushing to move in with us (she lives with the grandparents in another town so she could stay in the school district with her friends) and she keeps throwing it at me that she never gets to spend time with her dear daddy. Interestingly enough whenever we're at the g-parents to see her, she always has to rush out to meet her friends as soon as we arrive.The few times she has done anything with us she's had the cell phone glued to her ear and can't even have a 5 minute conversation with us without being on that damn phone. Like she's really going to sit down for a whole afternoon, evening or even an hour to spend with daddy dearest? Who's she kidding??? I've even tried to get DH to go spend time with them by himself but he refuses - says it's not family if I don't go. Don't let that comment fool you - he just doesn't want to spend time with them either because they always end up in a battle over something whether I'm around or not. Christmas is going to be a nightmare -at least last year I got out of it because I was in the hospital for emergency surgery the whole week of Christmas. After almost 2 yrs, I'm ready to cut my losses and cash it in. I don't know what else to do, but I know I'm tired of the constant battles.

I feel bad for you ...lets face it.. women can bitches, and having a bunch daughters trying to conrol situations and having your fiance lie to you and go along, that stinks

Tell the girls "be careful for what you wish for .it may come true..."
Imagine yourself out of the picture, what happens to Dad?,,he's alone and miserable, are they going to entertain him and spend that much needed quality time with him so often...I doubt it. they wont be so happy as they think. Your gonna look pretty good cause their Dad was happy...

I never understood this "My DADDY" thing, I one of 3 girls and all we want for Dad is peace and happiness,
I gather your guy must be older then 40?, time for to take stock of whats important in his life now, he raised his girls, now your in his life.
20 year old daughters just gonna have to grow up....

It's always hard but holidays make it SO much worse. You shouldn't feel left out during the holidays at your own home. That's just not fair.

For us, it comes and goes. Right now, things are very good between all of us and I really do cherish these moments. But, at the same time in the back of your head, you know it can all come crashing down in an instant.

In our case, out of his kids:

The drama queen moved out of state this year. Yes, I still feel the drama from seven states away but it's much more muted. She came home for Thanksgiving and nothing has changed. She's still a living, breathing hurricane. I guess the best I can say is that life would be perfect if we could convince our governor to close the borders.

The pathalogical liar has somehow managed to stay in college. We haven't seen a grade slip or proof of passing once in the past four years; however, as they keep letting him back in each semester, I assume he hasn't been kicked out yet. We've kept the attitude that since he's paying for everything with student loans, that it's his business. However, his biological mother apparently knows the truth because she told me he won't be graduating next year; she said he'll be a five year graduate "at best." Frustrating, because when WE ask about his grades, we either get bold face lies or he just talks in circles.

I have no complaints about the youngest. She is amazing and my only wish in life is that I wish she would've been mine. She'll graduate high school in May and I really enjoy spending time with her. The only heartbreak is that she is very (VERY) close to her biological mother and I guess since my ex and the BM can't STAND to be in the same room, my SD "pulls away" from my DH. They just aren't close emotionally and I truly believe it's because her mom constantly puts him down.

Anyhow, I hope your holidays get better. It's a stressful time anyway, without all the drama of the whole "step" thing. Happy, Happy, Holidays!