As i am reading your resposes I am thinking I am not crazy or alone. I too feel like an outsider in my own family when we are in the company of his ex. They had a daugther together. We now have a child together and have been happily married for over a year now. It seemed easier to me when everyone was mad at her...she had an affair with her best friends husband. That was four years ago and the anger is mostly gone. We now go to my step daugthers soccer games or other events and my husbands family is there ,the ex and her family are there and my son and I are there. I feel like I don't belong. My husbands ex and my new mother in law and laughing and hugging hello and good bye and my mother in law tells me how wonderful it is that the two families get along. I feel such anxities when I have to attend these functions and i have to see her. She is repectful and civil with me and i am to her but inside I am a mess. I am tired of feeling this way and what to feel like I belong but I don't know how to. Any thoughts?

My husband and I are arguing and I don't know if I am being unreasonable. We had a miscarriage on Friday and I just want to lay low for the weekend. His brother is in town so he has invited him, his two daugthers, his parents and his little daugther (who is with her mother for the long weeknd....the first in 1 1/2years) for the afternoon. I am just not up to it but he thinks it is because it is his family. My family has enough sense to let us be alone this wekeend after a miscarriage. Am I wrong to not want to see them or am I just being a jerk? We are fighting now over this when we should be supporting each other.

I have a similar problem with my family and their relationship with my ex-wife.

A couple of weeks back, my ex-wife contacted me about wanting our two sons for a "family gathering" on one of my weekends. I told her no because we had a previous engagement. I found out then that this "family gathering" was with MY FAMILY!!! My older brother and his wife were having a party at their house and had invited my parents, my younger brother and his fiancee and MY EX-WIFE and HER BOYFRIEND!!! My new wife and I were not invited! Of course, she and her boyfriend (who was her boyfriend when we were married for 10 years) went to the party. That had to be awkward for my parents, but she really doesn't care about what others feel or think as she wants to do what she wants and basically loves to stick it to me and my wife.

My older brother and I have never gotten along and I feel that this is a way for him to torment me further as he and his wife keep having her and our kids over for dinners, etc.

What's even more frustrating is that she and my kids will go visit my grandma often. Since she lives in an apartment, there isn't much for the kids to do, so they get bored easily. When I have the kids for the weekend I'll ask if they want to go visit Grandma and they'll say "No. We just went last weekend (or whenever)". This is maddening!

I finally had to put my foot down, though I came out looking like a heel because of it. My younger brother is getting married in a month. After listening to my ex telling me that she and her boyfriend will be going to the wedding if invited. Keep in mind that this is the first time most of my relatives will be meeting my new wife and it's awkward enough having my ex there anyway. I talked to my brother about it and he stated that he's known my ex-wife for many years and that since our son is the ring bearer, it was proper to invite her and her boyfriend. I put my foot down and told him that it's completely up to him to invite who he wants but if he invited them he could find another usher and ring bearer. He gave in and she wasn't invited. Yeah! Chalk one up for the good guys!

Another frustrating fact is that my parents have not taken down the wedding and engagement photos of me and my ex. I asked them to do so but it never happened. Should I just go in and do it myself or go to their house when they're not home and replace both photos with those of my current wife and I?

We're also sick of her dictating to us what we can and cannot do with the children. She makes all the decisions as far as the kids are concerned and won't even listen to suggestions that I make. She gives the same answer everytime, "I'll consider it."

We bought an above-ground pool this summer. Once we got is setup and everything, she told my 8-year old all about how her older brother drowned (he was 18 months old and fell into a cow trough at her family's farm -- not an 8 year old boy who's been in swimming lessons since he was one year old). Now I can't get him to go into the pool unless I'm in there with him. She'd cut off her own foot if she knew it would upset me.

It's nice to know that more people than us have to deal with crazy b***hes. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to deal with her on a daily basis, but since I have my kids every day after school (I work a 5:30 AM to 2 PM shift just for this reason), but then I wouldn't see my kids. It's nuts!!!

Any ideas on what my wife and I can do other than grin and bear it?

Holy cow!! They won't take down the pictures?? I agree, what a TOTAL insult to your current wife. Believe me, at the girl's 18th birthday party, HIS mother tells me "don't mind ***** (the ex wife), she's just uncomfortable...well don't you think I was LIVID and told my husband later, EXCUSE ME, uh, HELLO, I am the newcomer here and people are worried about HER!?!? Give me a F-ing BREAK!!! And don't you think he let HIS mother have it. It just makes me so angry to hear about this type of thing...what the F*** happened to family LOYALTY?? I guess it's different when you have children; it is just a little more entangled, but I tell you what, if it was MY mother and father...well, maybe my family is different. (All two of them - LOL)

Anyway to the author of "my venting" - my husband was in your same situation - SHE sucked up to some of HIS family after the divorce and he ended up taking a stand and freezing THEM out for awhile until they got the idea, I do believe.

Even today, I can't find myself warming up too much to HIS family (I was uncomfortable around them but for the longest couldn't figure out why) because it's like, what can I talk about that is "safe"?? (in other words, people talk to the ex and the less she knows about ME, the better I LIKE IT!!...and I don't like having to stifle myself 'cause I am pretty open and muzzling myself is NOT normal nor comfortable, know what I mean?

I don't want to tell you the wrong thing to do since I don't have much experience in this but I know if it was MY family I would be raising absolute holy hell if they were "siding" (to MY eyes) with my ex. Period.

Hugs and good luck!

The Paranoid One.

I am the wife of my venting, the wonderful man whos family won't take down the wedding pics of him & his first wife. I have to start out by saying how lucky I truly am. My husband is an extrodinary man & I am blessed to have him. My two ss are amazing little boys whom I love as if they were my own & I know that they love me. ( The 8year old who is more loyal to his mom just told me for the first time the other day that he loved me, I knew he did through his actions but hearing it meant the world )

Now I could care less about the wedding pics, but it is how they have chosen her over their son that bothers me. Everybody loves the ex wife, they do not see how she treated their son over the years & that it takes two people to fail at a marriage. I think it would be easier if she was one of these dead beat moms but just my luck I'm dealing with Super Freakin Mom. She's perfect( except for the one hairy eyebrow & secretly selfish ways ) I get along well enoug with my new mother & father in law but it is in a causual aquantance sort of way. I am fine with this. I was never close with my first inlaws & am of the mind that I have my own family. ( they are a little crazy too, but we KNOW we are nuts and call each other on things, we don't ignore the big elephant in the room like my husbands family does)

Things started out fairly well with the ex because I have always gone out of my way to be kind & accomidating because I was raised to do the right thing. She even insisted on meeting me for coffee before I could be introduced to her children, & we complied. She imposed rules on him that she didn't feel applied to her. After all she is dating some guy she used to work with who they both had crushes on (while she was dating & engage to my husband) This guy has two children 4 & 7 with the first wife & a 7 month baby with an ex girlfriend & he & her have been seeing each other unofficially since February. He has been divorced for about 4 years, & according to the oldest SS they divorced because his wife nagged him & the ex says that the former girlfriend lied about being on birthcontrol & got pregnant on purpose...right. The ex had only two boyfriends before my husband so I am thinking she is not very experienced with men & the real world. He is the only guy she has dated.
In April I had an ectopic pregnancy that was mismanaged & almost killed me. It was two months before our wedding. It happened on a weekend when we had the boys. Initially we thought I was miscarrying at 10 weeks & he called to see if she would p/u the boys so I could go to the ER. She had her second date with this guy ( he slept over the first & second date) and would not send him home because it was too early for the boys to meet him ( her rules & then she wants to break them) After this event things were very rocky between my DH & her finally in June after I yelled at both of them when they were fighting infront of the boys things got better. Then I screwed up... My husband sent her an email asking her to not discusse money infront of the 8 year old & of course as usual she could not just agree but came back with some of her logic. He had forwarded it to me & I accidentally responded back to her rather than him However she totally missed the point where I started out by saying I agreed with her an her main thought but that I felt she was missing my DH 's main concern that the ss was worrying something he does alot. I told hime to just drop it because she was missing his main point & was not going to get it. Now to understand my comment you would need to know that I repeatedly tell my DH that when he gets frusterated with her he needs to remember that he is not the same man who was married to her & that she is reacting to the man she knew and I had just had this conversation with him the night before. Well she got mad & he did explain this to her but even though she says she is over it it is obvious she isn't. I am sorry but I forgave the stupid b***h for delaying my medical treatment & for giving my husband more stress at the time our baby died. ( I am 38 & I have lost my one tube & have been told that my chances of concieving naturally are not good so loosing this baby has been devestating. My ex husband lied to me & told me every year that next year we would have a baby so this was a dream come true to have the love of my lifes baby)
Recently my husband has had an issue that hospitalized him & we need to reduce the stress in his life I emailed her this & asked for her help. She replied back with that she would continue to do as she has but that no one could predict the future. I hope the self rightous C gets an STD from her boyfriend. I didn't reply back & am keeping my distance. I would love to tell her if he dies you idiot there is no more child support & I am incharge of the life insurance & I will make sure that it goes only to the boys not you.
I have really grown to hate her but I never say bad things so the boys hear, heck they think I like their mom & I always tell them how great she is. Since she has signed them up fpr all sorts of things9 w/o consulting their father) I am stuck hanging around all these A#@hole baseball & soccer & football parents that know her & act like I am the other woman. I go to the events even though it kills me inside because the boys love that I support them & so my poor DH doesn't have to sit by himself or worse with her.
It just kills me because my husband is a great guy who wants to actively parent & raise his boys with her & she won't allow it & in effect dictates our life.
Thanks for listening! It is comforting to know there are others in the same boat as us.

I just read everyone's posts, and I'm thrilled that I'm not alone here. It's so difficult to explain this to other people and have them understand. My fiance's ex is still great friends with his mother. It drives me insane. His mother and I don't know each other that well, but how can we get to know each other when she constantly caters to ex's every whim? That really hurts me, and when I try to explain this to my fiance, he says it will take time and that they're just friends because of my soon-to-be stepson. My fiance's ex cheated on him with his best friend and just recently had another baby (with fiance's ex best friend). What does fiance's mom do? She gives ex my soon-to-be stepson's crib!! I couldn't believe it!!! One day my fiance and I plan on having children, but fiance's mom chose to give it to ex. That was a slap in the face to me and my fiance. I've asked my fiance what he thinks about it, and how can it not hurt him, and he says he just doesn't let it. It's like his mom is choosing his ex over him!! I don't feel like his mother will ever like me - I know I'll never be fully accepted by her. It just hurts. I wnat to be friends with fiance's mom, but how can I be? She and ex still talk on a regular basis. So, I've pretty much just held back. We don't visit his mom very often, and I'm afraid he'll start becoming bitter towards me because I can't seem to let it go. The ex is more family with fiance's family than I will ever be. I don't things will ever change, but I just I were accepted. Fiance's mom doesn't have any pictures up of ex, but they go to lunch on a regular basis. What to do? I've even asked if I have to be more like the ex for his mom to like me. (See, I don't let things go at all). Thanks to all of you who read this. It's nice to know somewhere, someone knows exactly how I'm feeling.

My dear husband and his ex sent through a few emails today. He sent part of it home and slipped by telling a part of the other conversation. So I said why didn't you send the entire email home. Of course because I am suspicious and woudld misinterprete something. He told me the rest of it and I say there is no way to misinteprete the conversation..sounds normal..casual talk. So I say just send it home if there is nothing to hide and he freaks out. Says that I need help dealing with his past and that I will read into the conversation. Now I am suspicious. Should I be? Should I ask him to send it home? His reaction seems way off base. Am I just being stupid and asking for trouble?

My Husband and I have been together for six years. He has a son that he shares custody of with his ex. I have no children of my own and we have no children together, that is why my ss means the world to me.

The problem I have with the ex is that she always wants control of everything that is going on. She can be nice one day and then the next day you can not even look at her. My husband has limited time with his son and his ex is always wanting him back early or wanting him for the day to do something with her. My husband always agrees because he does not want to cause a problem, she makes him feel guilty and makes him feel like he is no good.

He has in recent times put his foot down and has consistently been short with her and not letting her control the conversation, but the new problem is that she will say that he had already agreed to something and that he just does not remember. He does have a hard time remembering their conversations and forgets many times to tell me things that are going on. I am making plans for us to do things and all along the plans will never take place because someone forgot to tell me. I have tried so many things to try to get him to remember, but the ex always says they talked and my husband always says he does not remember.

My husband worked at a steel mill when he and his ex were married, he quit college so that she could finish when their son was born. He worked 7 days a week for a year while she worked and went to school. She always treated him like he was nothing more than a paycheck and that her career was the most important. He was just a
mill rat to her!!! Well since we have been married, he has gone to school to open his own home inspection business and he is also now a Firefighter. I am so proud of him and I have always told him that he is worth it and that he is too smart to sit back and not do something with his life just because she would never let him. The problem is that she still treats him like he is an unintelligent piece of crap!! The person that he really is, is tender hearted and caring of people and their feelings. He would never say a bad word to her because for his son that would be wrong of him to do. I for one have gotten on the phone with her a few times and told her off for talking to him that way or for trying to control him. Is that wrong?? She is very difficult to deal with even if you are trying to have a calm conversation with her. If you elevate your voice in any way she acts like you have just stuck a knife in her stomach. Everything is always about her!!!

I fortunately do not have to deal with her being at family functions and when we are at baseball games for ss she is so snobby anyway. Then she gets mad because everyone always thinks that I am the MOM because she does not talk to anyone and I am very friendly. My husbands family hates her and they are too negative about her that it does not help my situation of trying to make nice with her for my ss sake.

I feel like my husband gives in too much and misses out on time with his son because she is so over-powering. She is re-married to someone who has three children, I do not understand her need to control everything and I find myself confronting her all the time and it turns into a 2 hour confrontation that does not get us anywhere.

Someone help..... I feel like I am going crazy.

I have been reading everyone's stories....I am engaged to a man whom I met a couple of months after his wife left for another man. He was broken, I helped fix him. (We've been together for 2 years now) He had the "perfect" marriage - he says so. She left him and his 2 teenage daughters. Sounds perfect to me. He has 2 stepdaughters (her girls). The problem? He dwells on his past. He was closer to her family than his own - you have to meet his family to understand, I understand. Anytime there is a family gathering, birthday parties etc, it is she and her family that are there. Uncomfortable? Very. I moved to be with him (2 hours away), I have my own apartment with my 2 children. Amazingly all of our teenagers get along beautifully. I moved here 4 months before their divorce was final, that day broke my heart - he was soooo upset, heartbroken all over again. I felt broken. He even had his wedding ring in his pocket. It took a year for him to take down all of the pictures on the walls with her in it - he said they were pictures of his past. They were married for 17 years, I get that. But, I feel like "the other woman". Insignificant and invisible and uncomfortable. What I feel is borderline to a panic attack. He is a mechanic, she still takes her car to him - he is friendly to her then. But with me, it's like I am the other woman. Daughter's birthday parties, her family - the kids don't like his family. I love him dearly, but I am not sure I should be marrying this man. I know we all have baggage (I am 40 years old, I have baggage), but he seems to dwell on his past. I am really not happy with things, he says he loves me and could never imagine his life without me; so why do I feel so insecure/uncomfortable?

Hi,

I need some advice if possible...!

To cut a very, very long story short:

I am a divorced mother of two boys, myself and their father split up when I was pregnant with my second son, for various reasons, but basically I just did not love him anymore. Our second son was born and I then went back to work after 2 months, mainly to get back to routine and get on with my life.

Before I went on maternity leave and about a month after me and my husband separated, I got friendly with one of my colleagues. Nothing major to start off with, but realised that I had feelings for him, but obviously knew that nothing could happen, because 1. I was pregnant and still married, and 2. he was engaged and had a daughter. I decided I needed to tell him how I felt, but explained that I knew nothing would happen so decided to just leave it. It then turned out that he had the same feelings for me but agreed that nothing could happen.

We left it for a few months or so and then discussed how we felt about each other and in a nutshell, he decided that he didn't feel that his relationship with his fiance was strong anymore for various reasons and they were only really staying together for the sake of their daughter. So, he ended it. He gave her the reasons, and not all were because of me, but obviously I was a major part in their break up.

That's a bit of background for you!

We have now been together for almost 2 years, and have been engaged since May of this year. He moved in with me and my boys about 12 months ago, just after my divorce came through. My boys love him and have a fantastic relationship with him, and they also have a great relationship with their father who they see 3 times a week.

I, on the other hand, am not allowed to meet his daughter. His ex has put a "ban" on her meeting me, no contact at all is allowed whatsoever. If my fiance is to have his daughter overnight, he has to stay at his mom and dads, as she is not allowed in our house.

We have broached the subject with his ex on many occasions, but all she ever says is "That woman destroyed our family" and that I will never ever meet her.

I can understand her feelings, to a point, but has enough time past now for her to realise that we are engaged, we love each other very very much, we are extremely happy together, that this is not a fling...? She keeps saying that she will not let her daughter get hurt again.

His daughter is almost 7 years old. She always asks him about me, says she wants to meet me and the boys and even calls them her step-brothers.

I have bought her presents in the past, most recently when myself, my fiance and my boys went to Alton Towers, and obviously his daughter was not "allowed" to come with us. As I did not want her to feel left out, I bought her a cuddly tiger for my fiance to give to her when he saw her next. He gave it to her the following day and she loved it! He told her it was from me and she was overjoyed. When he dropped her off at his ex's on the evening, his daughter went running to the door saying "mommy, mommy, look what I've got!!", his ex said "Oh that's lovely, who bought you that?", to which she replied Rachael...the tiger was then snatched off her and thrown at my fiance with a barrage of abuse from his ex. "How dare she buy my daughter presents??" "Who does she think she is??", the usual lines... The tiger is not allowed in her house, so now has to stay at her nanny's...

I am just looking for some advice as to what to do really, yes, she is entitled to say exactly who her daughter meets, and I understand that. But I'm just unsure of what she is scared of - I'm not trying to take her place, I'm not going to turn their daughter against her - I just want to build up a friendship with his daughter and for everything to move on. I understand that I was probably a major cause in her parents splitting up, but surely now is the time for us all to move on and get along. Our main priority in all this is his daughter...her happiness, her relationship with her father, and with her step-brothers. I am more than happy to take a back seat and just be her friend, I don't want to be her mother, she has a perfectly good one already..

My fiance has not got Parental Responsibility, but we are trying to get this by drawing up an agreement - but she will not sign it. So legally, we can't do anything... My fiance only sees his daughter every 2 weeks, or when his ex wants to go out with her friends..surely if I was allowed to meet her, he could see her more often.

Some help and advice on how to deal with this situation would a huge help.....x

If you didn't love your husband then why did you get pregnant just before you divorced him. All I can say is I don't blame the ex fiancee, I wouldn't let my child around you either because obviously you need to raise the bar in the morals dept.

You should have thought of the children, why your in this mess and sounds like you hurts others in the process.

WOW!!!

my bf still believes that they(my bf, X, daughter and her X's son from another man when she cheated on him) should have family activities like watching movies, children shows, going out to eat, going to the mall and I really hate it... i feel very angry, insecure and left out. he said he's gonna stand his ground and not stop these activities because its for his daughter. he lives in the US... the ex still lives in Asia but he comes to visit them and his parents once a year for a month. can you help me on how you girls dealt with it? they've been separated(yes, not yet divorced because they still have to traansfer the daughter's name to my bf)for three years but when my X visited them the last time a year ago... she begged for him to take her back and he did for the sake of the child... but only lasted a week, after my bf went back to the states, she went back to her bf. the X is such a stray. i still feel jealous, uncomfortable and angry about him going over to their house almost everyday but he comes home to me every night after spending a few hours there. he said he doesnt have a choice and could not avoid her. i'm really confused. i hope you can help me.

Hi,

I am new to this sight, but it seems helpful so I will post and look forward to some advice.

I am in a 2+ year relationship. I have always had some level of discord with my step daughter. Until recently she has been staying for an occational day. This last year my SO (significant other)and I moved into a larger home where she now has her own space.

Consequently she has been staying here more and more. Sometimes for 10 or more days at a time. I find myself having to parent her and spend increasing amounts of time with her, without her father being here. He works from early afternoon (2 or 3 pm) to early morning (2 or 3 am) 5 or 6 days a week. She is very disrespectful, argumentative, and bad talks me to her father when he calls for his check-in's.

When she is here she wont call to talk to her mother, who this last year remarried and has a new baby girl.
I want her here, it has got to be very hard for her at her mothers home and an adjustment for her to be here. On top of all that her mother, grandparents on her mothers side (who live with her mother) are of asian decent and my SD is first gen American. Culturally her mothers home and my home have different expectations of her.

To make matters more complex we have no communication between homes. When ever there is communication it is between my SO and his X and usually results in yelling, many hang-up (from the X) and no real communication. I wont let her put me, or my SO down, which she tries to do all the time. I also feel she is taking advantage of us because she has left large pieces of funiture with us as she reorganizes and redecorates her home. She has been in it for about 17 month's now. She says she wants the pieces back and occationally makes sounds of wanting to come and get them, but hasn't yet. One item being a piano that has sat in my living room and I haven't been able to move since it was put there.

My SO wont do anything about the furnite other than occationally mention it to her because of their poor communication.
Sooooo, what I really want to know is how to I keep from feeling stepped all over and walked on by my SD.
I have talked to her father and he just doesn't know what to do with her, her mother or anything....ugg.

Thanks I hope you can understand my rambling and can offer some advice.

Robin

I really need some advice. I've been married 5 years,with him 10 yrs.
It was 4 years until his family even accepted me because we met while he was still married. We each have 2 children, all teens. My problem is his ex is at every occasion and holiday gathering at his family. We get along fine and for awhile I'd go to things but I am so uncomfortable, not to mention treated differently than when shes not there, I dont want to go anymore. Well, Xmas just passed, and my husband and I went to his families Xmas Eve(she was working). Xmas day my husband went to his families and I refused to go. He went anyway(she was there). I spent Xmas alone because my kids were with their dad. I have been so depressed and resentful to him since then. Am I wrong for feeling this way? He tells me Im the one doing it to myself.He thinks I can just control my feelings. I cant, I'm an emotional person to begin with. Please someone tell me if Im wrong. My marriage is on the verge of ending. I have no support from heim when it comes to this

It is such a relief to know that there are other people out there going through the same thing. I have often times gotten to the point where it has just about driven me crazy. My husband and I have been together for four years. He has been divorced for six. They had three children together, some of which make my life as difficult as they can.

The ex has gone from holding down a head job as a social worker to living off the county and claiming disability for depression all since we got married. She has been in and out of the psych ward and treatment five times since we have gotten married. She has had the county remove the children from her home at least twice. She lives to make our lives miserable...weekly phone calls, lawyer bills, and of course contacting my husband's family. Most of them (except the bitchy sister) claim to hate her, but they all feed into her feel sorry for me crap. She wrote a letter while she was going through her most recent treatment telling me that she wanted me to fail because she was jealous, I was everything she wasn't, and I made my husband happy and she could not do that. She slept around on my husband for the last five years of their marriage. She told me in the letter that she wants my husband's family to like her and not me and she was sorry she did all of that. Of course, here we are five months later. She is out of treatment and back to her same old ways of trying to disturb our lives. We have gotten professional counseling to help deal with her and were told that she likes to create chaos outside herself to mask the disaster she has going on in her own life not seem so bad. She takes people on a roller coaster ride but don't get caught up. That is so easy to say, but when it affects your life and your children(we have two little boys of our own) it is not as easily done.

Up until two months ago we had custody of all three children. My step daughter has since left because we grounded her for drinking and sneaking out at night (she is 14). She spread some horrible lies about me to my husband's family and was a clone of her mother in the way she acted. We know she is just staying with her mother because there are no rules and limits, but what can we do? Currently the ex is dating a guy she met in the mental hospital...things just keep getting better.

Besides moving to a different country, what can a person do?

Gosh, i have read all your posts today, and feel more normal then I thought i was. Thanks to all ofyou, and seeing i am not alone. I am with a man that also, left his wife of 4 years, with their 1.5 year old, and while she was pregnant with their 2nd child. His family does not accept me fully, his parents somewhat, but his sisters NO WAY. His sister is best friends with the ex and the ex is invited to every family function! and we are not! In fact, right as i write this, his entire family, parents and sister, are at their florida home together with his EX and their kids!!! Unbelievable! I dont know how to handle this, we are never invited, the ex always is, and its affecting my b/f as he used to be very close with his family. It is causing us to fight, b/c i tell him i dont think its appropriate how his family is acting at times and he defends them saying b/c they share kids, then dont want to be mean to her etc....i understand, not b eing mean, but they shoudl not be inviting her every where on every ocasion b/c that way she will NEVER get over him! And that just causes more pain on herself and everyone around. She is still not over him, and I know would take him back any day. I mean she is still living the same life she was with him except he is no longer in the picture, but his entire family is there for her every day, and even support her financially. WHAT IS A GIRL TO DO, i am going mad! They are not even divorced yet, b/c she keeps delaying the agreement etc... and his own family is tellling him not to rush her and to just let her get over it! Any suggestions?

As I am writing this I do realize I am biased in my thought process because of the love I have for my BF .... Me and my BF met on the internet in a game. Both on the brink of divorce but it seemed to expedite it. Because of my guilt I left our mutual child with my ex. Which tears me apart everyday because I do know I am the better parent for my son. Anyways, We have been dating for 8 months and living together for 3 1/2 months. His ex was very bitter at first and does play a lot of games to be the victim and he carries his own guilt for leaving his family (but maybe she has the right to feel victimized ... I can imagine the pain). They together have a 5 and 10 year old boys together. He (to my understanding) was the primary caregiver of these boys while she works a very hectic job as a nurse (very high up even acts as CEO on certain nights). He's agreed to give her everything in the divorce because money and possession are not his interests ... strictly happiness and enough money to carry all of us through comfortably. Where as her whole goal in life is clear and it's financial and material gain. That is who she is. She will sacrifice family, marriage anything to be there. She said I couldn't be included in the kids lives, but he has allowed me to be despite her opposition to it (which is the first and only time he's went against her wishes or demands). It did cause a lot of friction but that part of it all has all panned out. I don't go to the kids games or anything like that (and at times YES it does hurt I feel like every minute is an hour he's there) and most often he does go over to their home and spend time with the boys and listening and helping her out as well. Sometimes I feel she intentionally keeps him away because she does know he will honor her wishes for me not to attend these functions. But he promises it is only temporary because in time all pieces will fall into place if they are not forced. None of his family has ever liked her. Everyone I talk to says how controlling and how poorly she has always treated him (they were together 14 years). She does still have a lot of control over him and he won't allow me any say if it goes against her wishes. At times I struggle with the thought that he doesn't care about me the way he does her because of how consistently I feel I am left at home crying silently, trying to do the right thing by his boys. His boys both really like me despite their mothers open hatred towards me. His family likes me even though they want to tell me what I need to be doing in my life with my BF. But it's like everyone is worried that because I have children as well that I'm trying to make him replace his kids with mine. And that is not true. Nor am I trying to replace his kids mother. I would never do that coming from a home where I was not biologically connected and remembering how it feels to be an outsider. He claims all that he does is for his kids and that he loves me dearly or else he would stay their longer and not come home to me. That I need to take comfort in the idea that he comes home to me everynight. That he does provide for my daughter and me. Lately I have been building resentment though because He clearly doesn't want me to have ALL of my kids with me because that is too much responsibility for him and would add to the guilt of him not spending every day with his kids. But in the drop of a hat he will run off to be with his kids at any request because they ARE his but If I want to continue on in our relationship I have to be willing to give up that part of who I am. I am stuck between the kind acts and kind words he does show me ... because their are times that he says some very VERY hurtful things and shows no willingness to include all of mine. After I met him he convinced me to send my other son off to his father as well. That I was bettering him and now I feel the only person it benefited was himself. I honestly felt at that time I was doing the unselfish thing and doing what would better complete my son. And now if I have any complaints or just want to have my feelings taken into consideration he just says ... "If I don't like it I always have the option to leave." When his ex was mean to him he give me the world and shared his boys completely but lately she is being nice to him and starting to ask several tedious requests to make sure I feel excluded. And if I try and talk to him he gets defensive and tells me if he has to live miserably with me he'll live miserable without me. My ex still loves me and still wants to be a part of my life. I mean I can put my whole family back together (despite the bad thing I did) and have my whole family back together. All my kids want that, except I don't want that with him ... I want that with my BF now but am realizing I really do have to make a choice or I may very well end up losing out all the way around. I have a high tolerance and patience for the situation but I cannot feel like someone does not even CARE about the way I feel anymore. Do I wait for the ex to become angry again so I can have US back or is that I clear indicator that if she would take him back he'd do it in a heartbeat? Why else would he work to preserve her happiness and do nothing to preserve OURS (if he's already lost it there why damage what he has right now)? He says love and caring takes time but what I've witnessed it seems he cares less about us over time. I am a very private person so won't go into huge details of all the problems and words exchanged. I try to place myself in everybody's shoes to understand the way they feel but at times I just want to be selfish and says I HAVE FEELINGS TOO. I tried to leave him once and it lasted a week. I couldn't do it. Everything in me wanted to work it out with him even though my family life felt more complete without being with him. Myself felt incomplete and I didn't feel happy. Is there something wrong with me and the way I'm feeling? I hate to say that maybe it's strictly a sexual fulfillment for now or chasing a pipe dream only to realize I was better off to stay where I belonged with my family. Maybe there's a disillusion of meeting someone new. I didn't have the most stable of childhoods and I do know that. I always swore I wasn't following a pattern but when I really think of the way my life is unfolding by my choices the more I see me behaving and making choices very similar to the ones my parents did. And they clearly loved others more than they did my siblings and myself. Even to the point of abandoning all of us. I used to think I did mine for different reasons. But now I feel like I'm doing it strictly for selfish reasons. Two of my children hurt daily because of this and are not with me (I have always been the best mom to them) and one of mine (who is with me) hurts because she isn't with her brothers. And now my BF says I can bring one of them to live with us but there's no guarantee our relationship will make it if I do. OOF. The decision should be simple ... kids over adults. As his is with me. His kids and his ex come first at all expense to us. Where as I adopted the view from him that As long as the adults are happy the kids will be happy. So he said "our" happiness was first and foremost, then the kids then all others. Now for him, actions have shown first his ex and his kids, then me and then all others. I think I've made a grave mistake and for some reason I can't make myself walk out that door and pick up my pieces before it's too late. Why do I love this man? Is he right, that in time all the pieces will fit together and I will have my kids with me and we'll have normal family activities that include all of us? He does give an answer as to why he thinks for now the kids are better off elsewhere and that it's because we aren't stable and it's pointless to bring kids through anymore instability that necessary. He also tells me the reason he does so much for his ex if because their divorces aren't finalized and she has the power to take everything we have away and that she will do it too. So he tells me he needs to do this for her ... because it helps US. I do look at what he gave up as well. He gave up alot financially speaking. 4 million dollars in retirement and 200,000 a year income. To have to try and survive off of $60K a year plus help out and contribute to the kids as well. Because despite all her money it never seems to be enough. And she has a way of making him guilty for being emotionally happy while she is not. Somenights I just cry (and I'm not a crier) and keep chanting thru my head "I am who I am, and I am enough." I know deep down in each person if they listen to their deep down gut instinct all people know what's best for them. How come I can't finalize my deepest down gut instinct? I'm not sure which it is. I am starting to feel I am in love with the idea of what I'd like to see happening as opposed to the what it really is turning out to be.
Any advice would help no matter how mean or harsh ... or how kind and gentle. I am a strong person and do have an appeal for honest people.

Thank you for listening.

Midnightray

My fiance and I have been together for 6 years. We both come from a divorce. He has an eleven year old daughter who refuses to make a relationship with me. So much so, that she will not come to our house. He has to go over to his ex-wifes house to see her. He spends 5-6 hours at a time over there. I was coping with it but now we have a baby together. The baby is several weeks old now and his daughter still hasn't seen him. I asked to meet in a neutral location and he refused. He said she would come when she is ready. Isn't 6 years long enough. Help! I don't know what to do. Its like he really has two families.

He visits the child at his ex's??

Give him an ultimatum.

The comments on here are comforting to read. I'm a new step-mom and I've come to realize it could be a lot worse. My SS (he's eight)is very sweet and him and I get along very well, although there some awkwardness sometimes when after he is with his mom for a long while without seeing us.

I found this site when I was looking for advice about my in-laws. DH's ex is still interacting with them, even after DH has asked his parents and his ex to stop. This to me is unacceptable, especially because ex has specifically forbidden that DH have any contact with her family and demands that only either DH or her (not both) should be at any SS oriented function, including SS's birthday party.

She's not evil, most of the time she's pretty benign, but she did cheat on DH, and I would think that that would stop cold whatever friendship DH's parents and her would have. I can tell it hurts DH that his parents would still want to have the same relationship with her that they did before he divorced her. I just don't understand why they're doing this and it makes me not want to have any relationship with them at all.

My fiance's ex-mother-in-law is visiting her daughter. She is here from Panama. She recently called my fiance and told him that her daughter is not happy and the man she is with now is very controlling and mean to her. I'm not sure why she's telling my fiance these things! In my mind, I see it as if she's saying that her daughter's new life isn't as wonderful as she thought it would be, and that maybe she wants her ex-husband back (my fiance)!!! I became very upset upon hearing this information. Should I be jealous like this? I don't like this feeling. My fiance just says that the woman was his mother-in-law for 16 years and still sees him as a son that she can confide in.

I met my husband while he was in a failing marriage. I refused to get into a relationship with him until he made it clear to his wife that he was leaving and actually started the process. He did that and we began dating and moved in together right away. Got married 1 1/2 years later. They have a 6 year old son together. It has been almost 4 years now and the ex wife specifically told me that she is and always will be a part of the family. She arranges to meet some of my husbands family members and spend the day. She goes over to the grandparents house and complains about my husband and that he needs to acknowledge her. My husband hasn't been the best at cutting her off either. He and I, in the beginning would always argue because he would share OUR relationship issued with her. That has since stopped (after my stop or I leave demand.) Their 6 year old son is acting out big time (only with his mother) and I think that alot of it has to do with the things she says about us in his presence.The son will not speak to his dad on the phone, but when he is with only us, he is good. Now we are expecting a child and suddenly she stops calling and stops taking my husbands calls, when he tries to find out how his son is doing. It bothers me to the point that I want to email or call her and ask her why she does these things. I think her bottom line is she feels like she is the victim here and she has the right to do whatever it is she wants. I am just glad I am not the only one going through this stuff, but how do I approach her and ask her why she punishes my husband by not taking his calls when he wants to see how his son is doing? They live in NJ and we live in FL, so the phone calls are important. She will call and say I need your new address because your son made you something for Father's Day...we never see any thing in the mail. I think she does it just to get the address, like she HAS to know where he is at all times. I am stuck and getting really frustrated. Any advice???? Thanks Joanne

OMG...I soooooooooo wish I had of found this page years ago!!! What a relief to know that I am not alone in all this "crap"!!! I am not sure if anyone still reads this as most of the dates are from 2006, but gunna give it a shot anyhow...

My story is a long one, but I will try to condence. I appreciate ANY feedback...agree or disagree...

My husband (let's call him "Fred") and I have been together for 4 years. When we met, we were both unhappily married and we started out as friends. However, before we left our surrent spouses, we became romantically involved. He is divorced and we have married, however the separation is still a battle and his ex is a gold digging little witch!!!!

When we first got together, "Fred's" family was happy that he had finally chose to leave his wife of 15 years as they knew how unhappy and miserable he had been. His parents welcomed me with open arms (and so did his 2 sisters, although 2 of his 3 brothers treated me like I had the plague).

We found out as time passed that although his parents and some of his siblings seemed OK with the situation, that they were continuing contact with his ex. Not a little bit of contact...but regularily including his ex and his 2 children (who were 14 & 12 at the time) going to his parents house for weekends and other family functions. There were Christmas and birthday presents exchanged and to this day, I have YET to get a bday card from anyone in his family.

After being together for 2 years, "Fred" received a bday card from his mother. Not once in that card did it say Happy Birthday. All it did was rant and rave that I was a horrible person that had destroyed his marriage and his family. That "Fred" needed to leave me and go back to his ex wife "where he belonged". Apparently, I was never welcomed into the family, nor would I ever be.

This caused alot of stress and problems in our relationship, but "Fred" sided with me and told his mother (after stewing about it for 5 months) that she had no right to say what she said, and that we would NOT be attending Christmas. This was the first time that they spoke since the "bday" card was received and he responded. He made this announcement at their home (which is 2 hours aways from us) while I sat outside. He was upset when he came out of their home, which I totally understand. During this visit, his father was dumbfounded as to what was going on, as his mother had never told him what she had said. For his ignorance, I forgive him for everything that happened.

After the visit, there were once a month phone calls where "Fred" and his mother would discuss the weather, but never anything of importance. He was still hurt by the horrible things that she had said.

We married on New Years Eve (in another State with only 2 friends present), and have yet to receive ANY kind of acknowledgement of the marriage from his family. No cards, phone calls, emails...NOTHING.

In March, his mother passed away of a heart attack. As "Fred" is a long haul truck driver, it was pure luck that he was about 30 minutes away from the hospital in which his mother was. He made it before she passed away and was at her bedside when she took her last breath. I am thankful that he was there, because even though there were hard feelings, she was his mother and I dont think he would have been able to live with himself if he wasnt there...especially after everything that had happened.

At his mothers request, there was no funeral service. She wanted to be cremated and her ashes spread in the lake where she was raised. It was decided to do this several months after her passing. Also at her request, we were told that the ONLY people in attendance were to be her children, their spouses and grandchildren. We even had cousins ask if they could come, and we were told to tell them "No...immediate family only". Not even her siblings, or siblings-in-law are invited.

As this "service" is 300 miles away, everyone is planning on staying for the weekend. Due to the issues with "Fred's" siblings, we have chose a separate location just to avoid any problems.

"Fred's" children are now 18 and 15, and we assumed that they would be staying with us. However, when "Fred" spoke to his eldest child tonight and asked him if they were driving separately or coming with us, "Fred" was told that his children were coming with their mother and would be staying with her. WTF!?!?!?! What happened to immediate family only???

With me and my short fuse, I instantly announced that this was TOTAL bull*%^# and that I would NOT be going. When I had to tell "Fred's" cousin and his wife that they couldnt come, yet his ex can!?!?!? Not freaking likely!!!!

If it was a normal funeral, then yes, I can understand the ex attending (as long as she stayed in the back and didnt speak to or look at me). But this isnt a "normal" funeral...

"Fred" hasnt said much since I announced that I wasnt going. I have no idea if he plans to attend or if he will stay home with me. I do understand that it is his mother, but he was there when she passed away. Why would he want to drive for 300 miles to spread ashes with 5 siblings that he doesnt even speak to and his ex-wife. I want to give him an ultimatum, but dont think that is a wise choice when it IS his mothers memorial. Yet how can he think I will be cool with sitting at home while he drives that far to be with people he doesnt care for just to say "I was there"...

What do I do??? Do I swallow my pride and go??? Do I tell him he cant go??? I know that if I go that I will likley end up telling everyone there exactly what I feel about them and it will turn into a brawl instead of a memorial. It isnt the time or place for me to vent my frustrations, but I know that is what will happen.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not Sure What To Do

I am new to this site, but would appreciate some advice. My husband and I have been married for 8 years together for 10. He has a 15 almost 16 year old daughter who he pays child support for and loves very much. The problems is her mom! She writes my husband letters all the time telling him she hates him and that he is not a good father and so on. He would be a wonderful father if given the chance to be. The latest episode is we had just purchased another car and she is mad because we did this months before daughters 16th birthday, she thinks we should have bought their daughter a car. In the letter she told my husband that their daughter didn't want him in her life and that he is not to call her because she pays the phone bill. She took us back to get more child support and got it, which is fine with us because we were paying child support before plus helping her out with half of everything on top of that. What is our child support for? She calls and wants money for sports, school clothes, hair, nails you name she wants it. Now she wants us to buy her a car. Please give me some advice on how to deal with this crazy woman before I go crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel for you. I am not sure this will ever change. My husband and me married 3 years ago still having his X playing games. When we decided to get married they were very happy and going to be in the wedding party. This changed 4 months before the wedding date. His children from previous marriage wanted his X-wife at the wedding. These children are all adults ranging from 19 -25 years old. When told no this was our day things escalated. They then wanted to go to the hairdresser of there mother friend. I asked they come with the rest of the wedding party and extended family. Then they refused to be in the wedding telling my husband he had to choose either them or his bride. If he did marry they would not have a relationship with him. They also said they would not attend the wedding. In my opinion I tried keeping the door totally open to his children. The wedding day at the reception suprise 2 of his children came for pictures , dinner, & dance. I thought oh good!! Only to find them delivering terrible letters 2 days later that were very viscous. we have helped these adult children out with buying cars and rent the list goes on. They are nice when they want something then my husband does not hear from them until the next time. The problem we still constantly face is his X-wife phones and talks with him then he treats my children & me like crap almost abusive. His mother interferes I have come to the conclusion if he asks me to call I now say no you call her removing myself from all the hurtful comments. Good luck!!!! I really think unless you can remain silent this will never change. The question is can you cope with extended family members negative behaviors and be stronger showing them respect. This I know is very much a hard challenge and I am constantly battling my own hurtful emotions.

I've read over everyone's replies about the ex-wife being invited and attending family functions and just wanted/needed to share my own recent experiences. My boyfriends (we've been together 7 years) Grandmother passed away recently and my BF's mother decided to put up my BF father to call and tell my BF to come alone and without me to the funeral! My BF told them, he was coming and would bring me or anyone else for that fact! He stated it was "his grandmother" and that they couldn't tell him who to/or not to bring. ( I was not aware of the conversation/request until after the funeral, he was wanting to protect me) Then next thing we know his Dad calls to tell us that he is going to be "buying tickets" for my BF's ex-wife and my BF two children so they could attend the funeral! We had already made travel arrangements for the kids and he thank-goodness told them they were again out of line and that he would bring his daughters. We both found this to be unbelievable for his parents 1st to not want me to be there but wanted the ex-wife (divorced for 9yrs) to be there at their expense. Up until this point I have been to dinners family events, birthdays etc... at their home over the years. Long story short...we find out that his ex-wife and his mother, sisters (3 all together) and brother have decided to not except me as a part of their son's life due to the ex-wife spreading lies and gossip about my relationship with my BF. Granted the EX didn't have a close relationship with them until we got together! Sure enough we arrive at the funeral and there is my BF's immediate family standing around the ex-wife and the kids and they all turn to give us "dirty looks" right there in front of everyone even while we were trying to pay our last respects to his GM in her casket! The even rode in his parents car on the way to the cemetery. After coming home...we check our mail yesterday we receive this looooog 8 page letter from his parents, sister, brother and EX-WIFE that "we" will not longer be invited for family events that they put together, and they will always invite the EX-Wife! They chose their ex-daughter-inlaw over there own SON! All because he wouldn't bend to there ways! He is the best person I have ever met and the best DAD to his two daughters. His family are/is extremely evil to have taken sides and done what they have....so he is left very hurt but strong with the belief that they all deserve each other! He said "the hell with them"!!! We will be fine...now just need to know how to deal with the two daughters who have been "brainwashed" into thinking I'm this terrible person...any advice???

I have been divorced 11 years, raised my two boys now 17 and 15 I am 36. Unfortunately we have lost several very close people (my mom 54 cancer 2001, grandparents,god mother, aunts then my DAd at 64 in 2006 from cancer. Over the past 4 years I have been trying to build a relationship with this man whom at first came into my life as a golden light of hope. Happy, giving , funny , smiling etc, with his two beautiful kids now 10 ( girl) and 7 ( boy ) , Mind you this man is Italian, and so is the whole family. I was not aware that that word Italian meant (loud,lying,denial,stories,standing by family members that even put each other down etc.) ontop of all this, the ex, she gets what she wants when she wants from who she wants. WE have the kids 90% of the time and he pays a very large amount . when my father passed last year it was unexpected and sudden and right at the time my fiance and I had moved intogether to build a relationship, mind you in had left me to go back to his ex the previous year also and I welcomed him back again. to say the least I have been made to feel literally insane crazy and now on medication , sleeping medicine you name it counseling. I never was like this before, and all I ask of him is to please stop catering to her and paying her leaving us broke, unhappy stressed etc. He is loving romantic caring for a short time then right back to the old crap and always says IM SORRY I WILL CHANGE>.... I am sad and my two boys can not take it anymore, the story is even longer but Im sure someone out there can fill in the other pieces. I love him, he loves me, but he cant let her go and always says ITS FOR THE KIDS> But what about us and my kids and our new family to be? Does anyone see how crazy I feel and all the self esteem I have lost, he says IM the one always fighting and just need to leave him be to do his thing when dealing with his ex. help. Plus I have no family to go to for advice or comfort anymore, and he sends his ITALIAN mom and dad over, whom also cater to the ex by babysitting picking up kids to and from school, so she can sit on her butt, and go to beauty school (the days she feels like it ) and hang out in bed with her boyfriend while we take his son to the ER. stuff like that. it sucks.... But I love his kids to and its been a long 4 years with them and my heart is breaking to have to make a decision if this is good or not.

I have a sister who is divorced but yet continues to go to her ex's house and all of the ex's family almost daily just to visit. When she had her daughters b-day party she mostly invited the ex's family over even her own family. In fact she puts the ex's family before her own. She is currently dating someone who gets pretty PO'd when he finds out that she is with one of the ex's family and she cannot understand why he gets mad.

This past week the ex's mother died, and I can understand her going to the funeral but she is like calling everyone on the ex's side. She of course is going to the funeral with her and her ex's 4 kids (2 of them do not really even know the grandmother as she has been in a home for the last 7 years.)

To make matters worse the ex has a girlfriend who was with the ex at the wake feeling very uncomfortable as she never met most of the family before. Then my sister makes very inappropiate comments such as to the ex "It must be uncomfortable for you here knowing your ex wife and your girlfriend are here.

My sister's boyfriend is so mad right now and I would like to help him, so I thought of the perfect solution and hopefully he will go along with it. My sisters boyfriend needs to get in touch with one of his ex's and start going over to her house and the brothers and mothers house just to visit. That will let her know how the ex's new girlfriend feels and then he needs to invite an ex over and some of her family over for a family function so that she will know how he feels.

Do not get me wrong I have nothing against my sister but I hate to see other peoples feelings hurt over selfishness.

Someone else said it and I will say it again when you divorce the guy you are done with the family as well except where there are children involved and even then it does not involve going to every one of the ex's family functions.

Just wondering if I am being immature about this but my new husband of a year, we have been together for 6 years has a crazy ex who battered him his whole life. When the sons grew up in their 20s, he left and we met a few years later and got married. She is angry and cannot move on. I am divorced as well but my ex is gone away I have three sons he never has contact with but that is another story). I wonder am I being a baby.?.. I am not planning on going to any events like graduations and weddings of his sons.,because it will bother her and she might lose her mind and do something to ruin the wedding... I do not want to be the cause of that. He is at his son's graduation today and the four of them.. the x and the two boys are out to dinner. Part of me is glad for him ( and hoping she is behaving herself) but a part of me feels kind of left out of his life. I think I should get over it,,,, but part of me is annoyed.What do some of you think?
Anonymous

Hello,

Jackie I understand completely. I think you are being respectful by not attending, but you should let your husband know. The key word is he is YOUR Husband. He should be the one to put his X in her place. She is manipulating the situation by behaving like a child when you're around.

I am going through a similar situation. I told my husband that he needs to say something and he needs to be the one to take care of it. You should not have to spend your life absent from your step-kids and everyone just for the X's sake. I know at times like this it is hard to be secure in your self and anyone would feel left out.

I would definitely let the kids know why you do not attend. They are grown and should understand. This would reinforce that fact that you love them and would love to be there but can't at this moment due the unstable state of their mother(leave the last part out)

What is an acceptable appearance at a wake or funeral of an ex mother in law? Just how much of an appearence should be made?

I have always tried to maintain positive for the kids sake. I was always strong enough to overlook the ex and her failed mistakes in life. Dragging the kids through a number of marriages and bankrupting her exs. She was always good because she never took anything with her except a case of diamonds. Leaving skids behind like husbands. Leaving her own SD behind like garbage after her mom died. I can not be positive influence to the skids after being raised like this and am satisfied being me.
She ran all over me for years and I thought it was friendship. I should have opened my eyes to her past. She wants you gone if you do not adore her. She uses her ex family, trying to hold together family for her kids because her own family is a mess.
I am stronger and if my husband leaves my side for his ex, I am leaving him behind and taking everything with me, because I have worked hard raising the skids and our kids and deserve it for what I have put up with. His family can admire the ex forever, and it will not matter.

Well I have sat here reading posts as far back as 1996 all the time sighing and nodding my head. For years I have put up with an ex who hasn't realised her time with the family has expired along when she had an affair on my husband and decided to leave the marriage. bUt hey all is forgiven and forgotten on his families behalf. Not to mention the hell she has put myself and my husband through over my husbands 2 daughters. It seems this woman is invisable to any critism and can do as she likes without any backlash from anyone including my Husbands family. My Husband and I have a Son together 6 months old and I have also have 2 daughters from my first marriage. I think I have the most UNWANTED visitation story from my Husbands ex that I have seen so far. I had just given birth to our Son and in she walks with my two SD into the delivery suite!!! I had literally just had a shower after giving birth and there she was voice and all on my Son's video of the first moments of his life. was it not enough to drop the children off and just wait outside??? What makes this whole experience more sickly is the woman has put me through the utmost hell for the entire time I have known my Husband. She has dragged us through the mill financially and emotinally to the point I'm sure my Husband at one stage thought the only way out was suicide. And all the time she has manipulated every Government system, the children and of course My husbands family. To rub salt in the wounds, his Mother just returned from a holiday in Fiji with her and the children. This woman is everywhere I look and turn to the point the only way i can get rid of her is to keep away from his Family. My Husband is currently in the process telling his family to get lost.Where is good old fashioned Loyalty?? I too have an Ex whom i get along with fine as I did with his parents. I would never dream of interfering in his families life as much as I like them out of respect for him. As he also got on famously with mine and wont overstep the mark outr of respect for me. Is'nt it an unspoken rule!!!

I am going thru this now with my fiance. He and his ex have 2 kids and split up about 6 yrs ago bc she was cheating. She is now remarried and lives 3 hours away but feels that everything is a joint thing. Inviting us to stay at her house for xmas eve., and inviting herself and her family to our events. Recently my fiance told me that he had scheduled a bday party and "both sides of the family" would be there. When I questiooned he meant us and her, her parents g@parents nd entire extended family. When I got mad he said that I had to accept it because the kids didn't get to see her family much bc she doesn't bring them in - like that's our problem. The party is at my soon the be father in laws house! I am still totally pissed and it sounds like if I don't accept it with a smile like that's normal then he's out. Am I wrong for feeing that she and her fam don't belong? fiance. He and his