Ex relationships that go too far?
My fiance dated his ex for about one year. His ex had a daughter from a previous relationship, she was 2 when they met. My fiance and his ex had a son together and broke up when he was 3 months old. My fiance and I met when his son was 5 months old and we have been together for 5 years now. We recently had a daughter together but are having issues with his family not respecting boundaries. His family continues to have a relationship with the ex's older daughter. A few examples include taking both the ex's children for play dates to our family houses very often, this past Christmas time they took both those children for pictures with Santa instead of taking my SS and my bio daughter, (never even asked me if that would be a possibility, but posted the Santa pics to Facebook the day after and thats how I found out about it), and because of the pandemic they weren't able to see either of the ex's kids until a couple weeks ago and instead of just getting SS so he could have time with my daughter (they haven't seen each other in 3 months) they brought both of the ex's kids for the visit. My fiance and I have told them how uncomfortable it makes us and we feel that his family is prioritizing a relationship between themselves and the ex's older daughter over a relationship between my SS and daughter and it is causing a lot of tension, issues and disagreements. We need outside views and opinions on our situation. They don't see anything wrong with what they're doing but we do and we question what would happen if she decides to have another child, would they try to take that one for visit time too or exclude that baby and continue taking the two or what since it seems like they don't care about boundaries.
I should add that the custody
I should add that the custody arrangement is DF gets SS every Friday evening through Sunday and his family helps watch ss when my fiance is working.
I think it is odd,
I think it is odd, particularly since their relationship was fairly short.
Your fiance, huh?
If it's this bad now, can you imagine what it's going to be like when the bloom is off the rose?
Read around this forum to get an idea. Very, very few posters here are lying or exaggerating. These conflicts escalate, and you already sound like you're on your last frayed nerve. You don't need this kind of grief in your life.
Dump him.
Thank you for the input
Thank you for the input everyone, makes me feel like I'm not crazy. We've been engaged for 4 years without any wedding plans because this situation is hard and how his family is, I know its easier to leave than divorce. DF and I agree and feel the same way towards this situation. His mother and siblings don't and any time he talks to them about it they tell him "he can't dictate who they have a relationship with or what they do" none of them see it from our perspective. He even brought his mother to drop off SS once so he could tell his mother and the ex at the same time this needs to stop and that didn't work. He feels extremely disrespected and is considering cutting ties with these family members. It just really sucks for my daughter, had I known things would be this way I wouldn't have brought a life into this mess, she doesn't deserve this and we shouldn't feel like we always come last especially to the ex and her older daughter and its like whether we stay or leave this behavior will continue and my daughter will suffer the consequences and not have this side of her family in her life
While this is certainly true,
While this is certainly true, “"he can't dictate who they have a relationship with or what they do,” it also follows that you and your DH can do the same—dictate who you have a relationship with or what you’all do. Sometimes it comes down to, they’ve made their choice and now you have to make yours.
While I get that the family members know DH’s child with his ex- more than they do your “ours” child, that should start to fade away sooner than later. Sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes other people’s misconceptions or poor choices force disengagement or estrangement. His family will blame you for it, no doubt.
However, at the end of the day, you and your DH need to make decisions that are in your own best interest vs. sucking it up and taking it for others that lack clarity.
ETA: While I don't think they should be excluding your daughter, I don't necessarily think it is that bad of a deal for all three kids to get together This is one of those extra difficult situations where you have multiple baby mamas and baby daddies. Your DH and his ex- were maybe together only a short time, but apparently long enough for the ex's daughter and members of DH's family to bond. This is yet another one of those elephant-in-the-room type situations where your DH at one time was probably begging his family to treat his ex's daughter like his own, so they did, and now that he is "done," he is telling them the exact opposite--he no longer wants them to have a relationship with her. Well. . . you can only jerk people's hearts around for so long.
If DH had been with his prior
If DH had been with his prior breeding partner for more than 3mos after their child was born I would say that a relationship between DH's former Skid and his parents might make some sense.
I would not be too thrilled if I were in your situation either.
Your FILs should be focusing on their relationship with their son, his SO and their children, including your SKid of course.. Not their son's short term X and his short term XSKid.