Well the judge had a shitty attitude and said that if it went to court and wasn't settled out of court he would have awarded BM full custody just based on little or no info. We ended up with 50/50 but on a weekly basis with BM have priority over a babysitter. Basically a family means nothing to the court. BM's father is the county sherrif and they listened to everything they said and nothing we had to offer. Courts are so crappy as much as the judges are.
I am sorry GoingNuts. I keep hearing everywhere I turn that your ruling is just so dependent on what judge you happen to get, not what is fair or the law. I am also hearing about unfair laws in our state. Getting nervous about our own pending court proceedings. YOur result fills me with dread. Hope that at some point things will get more fair for us Step families.
The GAL report was fully loaded and recommended we have full custody b/c that's what SD said she wanted. It also had some very suggestive language from SD's psychologist regarding BM's abilities (unable to understand child's perspective...has a self centered approach to relationships which interferes with BM's ability to collaborate with SD or DH... etc...
BM caved the day before court. We were disappointed b/c we actually did have a good judge and would have liked to see BM have a psych order - but...after hearing what a lot of people have happen in the court room we know we were just damn lucky.
I'm sorry. I do think the court is biased...not necessarily on the BM's part so much as against disturbing ANY parental rights. That drives me nuts. They have to be beating the kids repeatedly to have the court intervene.
Our court day sucked, it seems that we didn't win and hopefully BM won't either. The judge still hasn't made a decision and we are still waiting since Oct. We had so much anxiety before the court date and now it just seems like not knowing what our financial as well as the skids physical future is now the norm. SD12 had a lot to say about me I guess to the judge. I think that it is ok if we don't have the 50/50 custody at this point. I know that my BD has had to deal with a lot of adjustments with me and the BF. It hasn't been an easy road. SD12 has such a strong loyalty to BM and her older sister that BM had with 1st husband. I feel like I always have an investigator in my home when she is there. SD12 just doesn't relax. SD12 older sister18 has always told the tales of her horrible SM. I think SD12 thinks that is the way all SM are. I don't know how to break it... If I could then I would definitly want 50/50, if I knew it would make SD12 happy.
We went to court in October and the judge agreed in our favor....only he didn't sign the order yet. Our attorney was to type it all up for a journal entry and have BM sign it and of course she refuses to sign it so now our attorney had to file a motion to get the stupid thing settled so back to court we go. The funny thing is that BM protested the child support amount. She said that she thought it was a higher amount stated in court. What she doesn't realize is how it is calculated. BF doesn't have 100% liability to the expenses of a child. It is broken down to percentages on who makes more money. In this case it is the same so it is a 50/50 responsibility then the health ins. added etc. Our attorney already tried to explain it but the courts have entertained this disputal for some unforseen reason. I don't get it. Why can't the courts be out for what is RIGHT instead of what is "normally" done or what is "convient" or just that it is the "BM" disputing something. I have decided that I want to go back to school 30 or not just so that I can one day become an attorney and actually HELP people out. If we are all on the same page which is a lot of people...then how in the world do the courts view things so sckewed?
The judge just denied the whole thing like he didn't even read the complaint! I can't grasp the concept of a mother blowing off her own child for 8 months, all the while collecting the child support AND food stamps, and she gets away with it,no questions asked! But she whined about my BF taking the car they shared from her because she wasn't making her half of the payments and the car was in HIS name but HE has to go to court and show cause why he did that...why doesn't she have to go and show cause why she blew her kid off??!!
My BF is so frustrated with the courts he stated that for all the fathers that are so active in the childrens life the courts detour them from continuing to doing the right thing. Basically the courts say that whatever the father does for his children it doesn't matter. BF says if I am never going to win time with my kids then I will just quit my job become self employedd and send the ^%$#@ what I can... BM was trying to take have the court account for the rent as additional income that BF is earning. The rent that is paid on the house that BF still owns, still has a house payment, insurance and taxes on it... We had to keep the rent at a minimum because lets face it our economy sucks right now. WE were making double house payments for the first yr and half we were together because the house set empty, does that income count? Well, it is December 13th and our renter hasn't paid us, last month we had to lower her rent because she can't afford it as she is seperated from her illeagal husband that has to be deported back to his country and come to find out neighbors say that there is a lot of traffic at the house police being called sooo this weekend we have to work on evicting her. Gee, I wonder if BM would like to consider the loss that we are going to experience with the INCOME of the rental property and maybe she could pay for her precription drugs for skids, pay orthodontist payment, health insurance, or copays for the never ending hypocondricate medical/dental bills that she continues to send to our home after she continues to have family reunions at the doctors office with my BF that wasn't good enough for her or her children, or just simply make a small donation of the clothes that I have bought for the skids and return them to our home so that her own Bkids can dress decently even when they are with their biofather. We have been waiting since Oct. for the judges decision I do know that we were given more time like every 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekend, every Wednesday, Spring Break and most of the summer. Sounds like a pretty good deal for BM she won't have to worry about the skids when they are out of school!!! He basically got 41% custody we are waiting on the decision about CS nothing is final...
You are in my thoughts and
You are in my thoughts and prayers... Hang in there and good luck.
thinking of you...
We were there just last year. I know how you're feeling. Goodluck!
Peace, love, and red wine
Good Luck
I hope the best for you today. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
hoping for the best
good luck, I also hope for the best for you and your family!!
Well the judge had a shitty
Well the judge had a shitty attitude and said that if it went to court and wasn't settled out of court he would have awarded BM full custody just based on little or no info. We ended up with 50/50 but on a weekly basis with BM have priority over a babysitter. Basically a family means nothing to the court. BM's father is the county sherrif and they listened to everything they said and nothing we had to offer. Courts are so crappy as much as the judges are.
UUgh... and we are next.....
I am sorry GoingNuts. I keep hearing everywhere I turn that your ruling is just so dependent on what judge you happen to get, not what is fair or the law. I am also hearing about unfair laws in our state. Getting nervous about our own pending court proceedings. YOur result fills me with dread. Hope that at some point things will get more fair for us Step families.
d
d
Luckily for us...
The GAL report was fully loaded and recommended we have full custody b/c that's what SD said she wanted. It also had some very suggestive language from SD's psychologist regarding BM's abilities (unable to understand child's perspective...has a self centered approach to relationships which interferes with BM's ability to collaborate with SD or DH... etc...
BM caved the day before court. We were disappointed b/c we actually did have a good judge and would have liked to see BM have a psych order - but...after hearing what a lot of people have happen in the court room we know we were just damn lucky.
I'm sorry. I do think the court is biased...not necessarily on the BM's part so much as against disturbing ANY parental rights. That drives me nuts. They have to be beating the kids repeatedly to have the court intervene.
Peace, love, and red wine
Our court day sucked, it
Our court day sucked, it seems that we didn't win and hopefully BM won't either. The judge still hasn't made a decision and we are still waiting since Oct. We had so much anxiety before the court date and now it just seems like not knowing what our financial as well as the skids physical future is now the norm. SD12 had a lot to say about me I guess to the judge. I think that it is ok if we don't have the 50/50 custody at this point. I know that my BD has had to deal with a lot of adjustments with me and the BF. It hasn't been an easy road. SD12 has such a strong loyalty to BM and her older sister that BM had with 1st husband. I feel like I always have an investigator in my home when she is there. SD12 just doesn't relax. SD12 older sister18 has always told the tales of her horrible SM. I think SD12 thinks that is the way all SM are. I don't know how to break it... If I could then I would definitly want 50/50, if I knew it would make SD12 happy.
I agree
We went to court in October and the judge agreed in our favor....only he didn't sign the order yet. Our attorney was to type it all up for a journal entry and have BM sign it and of course she refuses to sign it so now our attorney had to file a motion to get the stupid thing settled so back to court we go. The funny thing is that BM protested the child support amount. She said that she thought it was a higher amount stated in court. What she doesn't realize is how it is calculated. BF doesn't have 100% liability to the expenses of a child. It is broken down to percentages on who makes more money. In this case it is the same so it is a 50/50 responsibility then the health ins. added etc. Our attorney already tried to explain it but the courts have entertained this disputal for some unforseen reason. I don't get it. Why can't the courts be out for what is RIGHT instead of what is "normally" done or what is "convient" or just that it is the "BM" disputing something. I have decided that I want to go back to school 30 or not just so that I can one day become an attorney and actually HELP people out. If we are all on the same page which is a lot of people...then how in the world do the courts view things so sckewed?
We didn't even get a court date
The judge just denied the whole thing like he didn't even read the complaint! I can't grasp the concept of a mother blowing off her own child for 8 months, all the while collecting the child support AND food stamps, and she gets away with it,no questions asked! But she whined about my BF taking the car they shared from her because she wasn't making her half of the payments and the car was in HIS name but HE has to go to court and show cause why he did that...why doesn't she have to go and show cause why she blew her kid off??!!
My BF is so frustrated with
My BF is so frustrated with the courts he stated that for all the fathers that are so active in the childrens life the courts detour them from continuing to doing the right thing. Basically the courts say that whatever the father does for his children it doesn't matter. BF says if I am never going to win time with my kids then I will just quit my job become self employedd and send the ^%$#@ what I can... BM was trying to take have the court account for the rent as additional income that BF is earning. The rent that is paid on the house that BF still owns, still has a house payment, insurance and taxes on it... We had to keep the rent at a minimum because lets face it our economy sucks right now. WE were making double house payments for the first yr and half we were together because the house set empty, does that income count? Well, it is December 13th and our renter hasn't paid us, last month we had to lower her rent because she can't afford it as she is seperated from her illeagal husband that has to be deported back to his country and come to find out neighbors say that there is a lot of traffic at the house police being called sooo this weekend we have to work on evicting her. Gee, I wonder if BM would like to consider the loss that we are going to experience with the INCOME of the rental property and maybe she could pay for her precription drugs for skids, pay orthodontist payment, health insurance, or copays for the never ending hypocondricate medical/dental bills that she continues to send to our home after she continues to have family reunions at the doctors office with my BF that wasn't good enough for her or her children, or just simply make a small donation of the clothes that I have bought for the skids and return them to our home so that her own Bkids can dress decently even when they are with their biofather. We have been waiting since Oct. for the judges decision I do know that we were given more time like every 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekend, every Wednesday, Spring Break and most of the summer. Sounds like a pretty good deal for BM she won't have to worry about the skids when they are out of school!!! He basically got 41% custody we are waiting on the decision about CS nothing is final...