Should you let child know $$$ issues
My husband and I are having a our first child together in Sept. My step daughter is 9 and suddenly has an interest in what things cost. She wants to know how much we spend on everything including cars, houses, food, and stuff for both her and the baby. I had bought alot of clothes for the baby at a garage sale and when she asked how much I spent I just told her not much, about what I spent for your stuff I bought you. Her bio mom made a comment to my husband that it upset my step daughter cause we wouldn't tell her. I told my husband I didn't want her to think the amount of money we spend has anything to do with the amount of love we have. Should it realy be any of her business? I think her mom's family is asking many questions b/c her bio mom was making comments about us buying a new car and her not being able to afford one.
My SD14 does the same thing.
My SD14 does the same thing. She acts like she is our money counselor and needs to tell us that what we are doing is wrong. When hubby and I got married, we did put a lot of things on our credit cards and we are paying for it now, well, she is upset that we are not spending the money on her and we cannot do a lot of the things we could do before we got married. She doesn't realize that we had debt last summer too, it just was not combined and we were only paying what we needed to get by, and now we are working toward our goal. I don't think it is any of their business what we as adults do with our money, as long as the kids are taken care of and have everything they need.
Sounds to me that bm wants to know
I would say it is bm saying well they spend more $ on the new baby than you or now that the new baby is coming they won't buy you stuff it will all be for the baby and so on.. It is probably killing her to see that a new baby is coming and her daughter still is being taken care of. She is being nosey.
When Sd ask just let her know politely that she doesn't have to worry about what things cost that is for you to worry about. My 11yr old tends to ask money questions and I sometimes have to tell him it isn't any of his business what I spend on things and he seems to be ok about it.
Live for today,you may not have a tommorow
U R RIGHT
I totally think it is the bm fishing for details. That is good advice about telling her not to worry about what things cost instead of telling her it doesn't matter. She worries to death about what things cost for her mom cause her mom is HORRIBLE with money. She has a huge house that they are fixing to foreclose on, they have 4 cats and 4 dogs inside that they have to take care of, and they buy my sd new clothes every week (no exageration). I tried to help by saying I would have a yard sale and all the clothes she could get together of my sd's I would sale and we could split the money to take her school shopping. She gave us about 6 shirts and 4 pants and she has so much stuff in her house she won't even let us come in. She won't give us any stuff back that we buy her and then requests we need to buy more stuff. She lost an expensive bathing suit we bought her before we went to Disney and then when we bought her another one when we opened the pool her grandmother said, "well it is about time".
We had the same problem
we wold buy sd things and she would take them home and we never seenthem again bb would send nasty stained hand me downs and no good clothes when we had her. I use to send a suitcase full of clothes with my boys to their dads and he never returned all of them it seemed like I was constantly buying more clothes. So Dh and I decided we will clothe the kids while the kids are with us and the other parent can supply clothes at their house. We send nothing back and forth it works much better now sd goes home in what ever outfit she wears here and my boys come home in what ever I send them in. As for the money topic again I try to let my 10yrbs know that everything cost money toys, video games, sporting events etc but he knows we have other bills but he doesn't need to know the amounts and he is ok with that. I try to let him know that nothing in life is free and you have to work for what you have. He even gets a allowance based on what chores he does through out the week. So when he wants something new just because he wants it he can save and buy it himself.
Live for today,you may not have a tommorow
We do the same
We have our clothes for SS and BM has hers and they are to be returned immediatly. It took a LOOOONNNG time for her to grasp the concept of putting clothes back in his backpack (even if they are dirty, I will wash them if you are too lazy to). I don't do that with my girls because thier Dad dresses them well and very similar to how we dress them so it's all the same there. If she didn't dress SS in clothes that are either 2 sizes too small or 2 sizes too big, it would be a different story. He looks like a gangster half the time and a baby the other have in his Winnie the Pooh outfits... for goodness sake he is 4 not 4 months. Monday she had him in a Spiderman shirt that came down to his knees, could not even see the shorts underneath. DH called her and said "um, what's with the dress you put my son in??? He wears a 4 not a 14" I about fell out.
Daddys Gurl-
Life is as sweet as you sweeten it.
I'm inclined to think the same...
It's always the grass APPEARS to be greener on the other side scenario...
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
Okay, I have another take.
My son is nine and as soon as they started talking about money in school back in first grade, he became obsessed with how much things cost. He wants to know how much EVERYTHING costs. He wants to know how much money we have in our bank account. (Probably because he has plans to spend it all!) He comments on how it doesn't make sense that a certain item costs a certain amount, i.e. "twenty bucks for that piece of crap?!" I think probably seven, eight, nine is when kids start to really get an appreciation for how much things cost, how long they will have to save to buy a certain item, etc. They are learning about money in school and if there are money conversations taking place at home, then it tends to stay in their minds. I think I would answer certain questions, but give the "don't worry" speech on some others. If she wants to know how much the new skirt you just bought her costs, then tell her. Take it as an opportunity to teach her about money and budgeting, etc. Things cost money, so we must take care of them or it's a waste of money. That kind of thing. If she wants to see a copy of your W-2, however, then tell her she'll have to go get it from your friend, Nunya... Nunya Bidness.
~ Anne ~
"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other." -Walter Elliot
Money
I've shown my 12 yo daughter all the bills that it takes to run our house - I think the sooner she understands finances, the better off she'll be in the future. When I moved out at 19 I didn't have a clue what things cost... what a rude awakening.
This is true, BUT
We don't care to tell her how much some stuff costs, but this is a little different. Her bm approached my husband in front of my sd about us buying a new car. She said that what we were looking at was not a "smart choice" cause they were expensive and that we should keep what we have if we don't have any money. We have always provided for my sd with child support, clothes, medical expenses, extra money when they take her on "thier" vacations, we buy her lunch food for school, and anything else. Her mom is horrible with money and is close to having to foreclose on her house, they have 7 animals in the house to take care of and just added one more, and they buy her clothes every week. If my sd asks for something new (every weekend) and we don't go out and get it for her they make comments. Like we bought a new expensive bathing suit a couple months ago to go to Disney. She took it home and lost it and since we opened our pool we haven't had time to take her to get a new one. They sent one with her last weekend that didn't fit and hurt her so we went out that morning and bought her a new one to keep for our pool. When she told her grandmother "on speaker phone" that we were taking her she said "well it is about time." They act like my husband is responsible for the bm financial problems even now after they have been divorced for over 5 years and she has been remarried over 4. She has since filed for bankruptcy and me and my husband is still paying for alot of credit card debt they had incurred while married. If my husband gets anything they say well I wish I could afford that, you must be rich cause you went to Jamaica for your honeymoon adn I went to Nashville. And, they say it in front of the child. They tell her she can't do things b/c they don't have money (like gymnastics, etc.) But, yet we've told them for 2 years we would pay for all of it.
Tell BM
To go POUND SAND and mind her own business.
I would agree with Anne on this one. If it is out of curiousity then tell em~ kids need to learn the value of a dollar. Heck~ I tell my 5 year old when she is being to greedy I CAN'T AFFORD IT~ I am sure she will have her questions as she gets older and my Ex thinks we are made of money so whatever conversations she catches wind of on that end will be interesting. I was never taught to be responsible with my finances~ that is something I have learned from DH way too late in life. I don't want my kids to make the same mistakes I did.
If it is very obviously BM putting her up to it... that is a different story. And I would not know how to answer that one.
Daddys Gurl-
Life is as sweet as you sweeten it.
I don't know...
Even when the school had their money discussions, my SS never really understood it until he didn't have enough money in his pocket to pay for something and we'd have to explain that he also has to remember to figure in taxes. Taxes? What are taxes? LOL...
I'm really more inclined to think that it's always the grass is greener on the other side scenario. BM is probably questioning SD, who because she is a girl, naturally she's more sensitive about matters than boys- of course that's not always the case- but is confused over the subject matter.
If this were me, and believe me, there was a time when we felt we were getting inundated with personal questions, questions that we knew weren't really in SS's vocabulary, we just simply told SS that it was an adult matter, and it's rude behavior. It's alright to question about items in the store, but to question adults about their bank accounts, how much they paid for things, that was rude and inappropriate behavior. We finally did get to the heart of it one day, when he told us his mom was asking questions because we had bought a new truck... the only thing that BM didn't realize was that I BOUGHT the truck... stupid broad.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
I think it's Normal
I agree with Anne 100%. SD went through the same thing, and I have pointed it out to BF on several occassions. I don't know why she asks about money so often. We buy a table, I get hit with "How much did that cost" and "Who paid for it".. At first I thought it was her mother pushing the envelope of questions but I don't really think that's the case anymore.
I use to be the same way. If something was expensive, I was really appreciative of it. And I think she is the same way. And my parents have been married for almost 33 years so I can't say it came from a step family background, just mostly curiosity. And I remember my father getting a little defensive, LOL - Saying it was none of my business but I really wanted to know how much money we had - were we POE "Poor", Middle Class or were we wealthy? I guess we grew up in a Middle Class family.
But now that I am older and if SD asks I usually answer with A LOT! You don't even want to know how much... Sometimes I tell her.. Or CHEAP "I got a real Deal" and I tell her... When she asks who paid for it I tell her I DID & Her daddy is paying me back for it.. LOL So it's 50%/50%... I think she knows we have money. Our house has been renovated, we buy whatever whenever we want "Well I do" but BF is not good at all with $$.. But I think I am very responsible with my finaces. I went bankrupt about 8 years ago and vowed never ever to go into debt again and it's a promise that I have kept. My bills are paid on time and I have no debt. But I am a little obsessive when it comes to money & making sure I have enough in advance.
I am sure it kills SD's Biomom. She drives a nasty old car, lives in a house infested with rats but she and her man probably make the same amount as we do. However she travels every weekend to the Bahama's, North Florida, Disney - You name it and is a heavy drinker. She tells the kids that she has no money. Yet she gets a tattoo and a radio with large speakers. But SD is always telling me how her mom can't pay for this and that. And I think she asks us for dollar amounts to compare to her mother's management of money. If that makes sense.
So, I wouldn't take it personal. I just think she is a curious little girl and for some reason girls like to know about finances. As you can see from most of these posts.
So, I think it's normal...
As for Bio-Mom telling you what car to buy, I would tell her that "you looked at your options, and it's exactly what works for your family"... Laugh, and just say don't worry it's not your money we are spending it's our own money
And my husband and I just love the car.
I just bought my 2007 Nissan Armada and BF & Everyone else was shocked but I work and it's a nice truck and it carries all of the children. It's got a 3-year warranty so I don't care what anybody else has to say but I got an awesome deal on the truck and yeah... If it bother's his EX GOOD.... LOL
Take care
Julie (31)
Bio-Children - Son under 1 with BF, Son age 11 from previous relationship.
BF - Son under 1 our's together, Daughter age 20 from prior marriage, son age 14 & daughter age 10 from previous relationship.