List of YSD Needs From BM
So, once again, BM has sent a long-winded, meandering email to DH about a bunch of seemingly non-related stuff...but what it all boils down to is she wants to get some cash out of us. Again.
It's not enough that we 'split' YSDs medical bills with BM this past fall...after DH's parents paid 90% of the costs for YSD after insurance in one lump sum...she had the gall to ask us to go halfsies on the rest, which was about $750. Less than the $1000 of medical expenses she's supposed to cover before splitting, according to the CO.
Then we gave OSD our couch and $1000 for moving expenses in November. And another $250 to OSD this month to help out bc she hasn't been able to find a job yet and is starting to panic. DH's parents have covered all of SS's rent while he's in school. It's supposedly a loan...but still.
DH is taking YSD to see SS this weekend for visitation. We've paid a bunch of college application fees for her and other stuff recently...done Christmas. We paid for her Washington DC trip this fall. We do phones for all three kids.
Gah...apparently it's never enough. Now YSD needs tires, dental work (wisdom teeth out, cavities). Any way we can help her out? YSD can't possibly be expected to contribute to her own tires, even though she has a job and is the only one who drives her completely free-to-her car...because she has to start saving for college, after all. (START?!?!?! What exactly has she been doing with the money she's earned over the past 2-3 years? She has zero bills for anything.) When will it end?
SO glad we're down to 4 months of CS. Will shake the dust of BM off my heels and never look back.
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Will they still expect you
Will they still expect you guys to dish out money, even after CS is done?
Probably. But at least it
Probably. But at least it won't be in addition to monthly CS...and at least we can say no.
When will it end you ask,
When will it end you ask, probably no time soon. At least your child support will be ending in 4 months. Then you talk to your SD about paying for things not your BM. I am sure she will try to still get money but exclude BM after child support ends and only talk to SD.
This is what we've done with
This is what we've done with the others. BM tried to get us to write HER checks for things for OSD for quite a while after she turned 18. We just said: "OSD needs to ask us directly" on repeat...like a broken record. BM tried that trick less with SS...hopefully it will be even less with YSD.
Update. School is out for
Update.
School is out for 'snow' today (there is no snow on the roads at all...but it's the south) so YSD is here and they're packing up to leave. DH and YSD are driving her car...and right now they're getting a quick oil change, gas, and cleaning the car out. All on OUR dime, of course.
What is it with these sloppy, helpless skids?
Gah...apparently it's never
Gah...apparently it's never enough. Now YSD needs tires, dental work (wisdom teeth out, cavities). Any way we can help her out? YSD can't possibly be expected to contribute to her own tires, even though she has a job and is the only one who drives her completely free-to-her car...because she has to start saving for college, after all. (START?!?!?! What exactly has she been doing with the money she's earned over the past 2-3 years? She has zero bills for anything.) When will it end?
---------------------------------
LET Me see her pay stubs first.
THEN we will see what we may be willing to contribute to.
Not one single cent until those stack of pay stubs on sitting on the kitchen table.
FYI Pep boys has great prices on tires
They will always hold their
They will always hold their hand out until the giver stops. That’s just basic common sense. No one is going to stop their own gravy train. In your position it sounds like your DH doesn’t mind so if I were you I would separate finances and tell DH to stop telling me when BM is asking for more because it’ll never stop and it’s slowly driving you insane.
We have stopped to BM
We have stopped to BM completely on the older two. Only ever give to them directly and only when we feel it's needed/we want to.
As long as YSD is under 18 (4 more months)...I guess she feels entitled to put the squeeze on us.
It never ends. Never. The
It never ends. Never. The good news is that when skids have aged out, there’s no reason for any contact with BM.
Can they just use conscience sedation for your wisdom teeth?
Your DH should reply with "NO
Your DH should reply with "NO to everything." }:)
Oh, he will. He has no money
Oh, he will.
He has no money right now, and I'm not forking over anything, that's for sure.
Good!! And I did mean that
Good!! And I did mean that should be his actual reply.
Two of us, we are "lucky" in
Two of us, we are "lucky" in that we don't have to pay child support in the custody agreement. There is simply some kind of "understanding", mainly because if TBM (Toxic Baby Momma) were to get her hands on any type of cash, she would definitely not be spending it on Munchkin.
It hopefully ends when CS ends, but thats never a guarantee. They will always be his children, but hopefully DH sees that enabling them to be DISabled, is not going to help them, only hurt them, and it hurts you too. I hope he starts making YOU the number one woman in his life.
Oddly enough, Winona SD18, she moved out, and we don't know where. She pops over when it suits her, which is maybe once every few months. Apparently she is working at Dennys as a food server a few towns over, and because she doesnt drive yet, takes uber everywhere. Thats all we know. She isn't asking for the promised car (SO is a mechanic and easily acquires vehicles for very little money) and she isn't asking for money.
Munchkin SD11.5, as she grows older, is getting more and more expensive in her wishes. Last year, it was BM's turn to purchase halloween costume for Munchkin (I loooooooove Halloween. I would have loooooooooved to buy costume for her as a baby. ) and Munchkin wanted a $200 peek-a-choo costume she saw online. BM wanted to go "half'sies" with SO.
SO said "no, its YOUR turn, you made the promises, you go through with them by yourself!"
YAY. Progress.
Poor Munchkin was sobbing the night before trick-or-treating. TBM had bought her some gag toy online, spent about $100. And then bought some herb and pills with another $100. And then claimed she had no money for promised costume. I had gone to Spirit Halloween TWO MONTHS prior, so Munchkin could prepare for this day, and have her "plan B" ready. But no, she wasn't interested. Mom was surely going to buy her dream costume for this year.
Aha. yeah right. She sobbed in my arms a moment, told me her mother is selfish and only thinks of herself, I told her 'she just thinks that your father should pay for everything', and she dried her tears and put her wolf head on from the previous years costume, starting a brand new version of the one I had purchased for her. Good Girl!
Hopefully your Skids will become self-sufficient and stand on their own two feet. It does happen!
Oh, and sidetone: now
Oh, and sidetone: now Munchkin SD11.5 wants a bunk bed at TBM's apartment. She figures, Winona SD18 never stays there anymore, she should make that her room, which makes perfect sense. She has been sleeping on the couch, something I always refer to as "couch camping", and am not keen on. It doesnt happen in my home. We all have beds that we sleep on and our rooms are clean and beds made, and all that.... not so at TBM's place, because Winona somehow left a big mess of trash (I cleaned her old room up and took out 6 bags of trash. It is now a wonderful, clean, light-filled space).
So, now TBM has promised bunk bed to Munchkin for creating her new room at apartment and wants to go "halfsies" again. Bunks start at $400 new (because precious Munchkin cannot have used bed), and doesn't include mattress nor installation/assembly.
He told me of this, and Munchkin mentioned it too. I thought about it, and came back with "hey, no investing in furniture at TBM's apartment! Her place=her space=her responsibility. She wants you to just fork over the cash, and then put it together for her, in her apartment, to make her apartment better? Heck to the no. How about I chip in a third, she chips in something, and you too, and we buy it for OUR place. And move munchkins current bed to HER apartment?????"
He said hell mention it when it comes up, but he doesn't think she will go for it.
Im like, "well, get the current mattress over there cleaned, or let her figure it out on her own dime. I love munchkin dearly, and want best for her, but no we are not investing in furnishing TBM' apartment for her."
This is so funny...bc it
This is so funny...bc it mirrors something BM requested about 4.5 years ago when YSD was 13. Wanted us to pay half for a new daybed / sprucing up YSD's room a bit at her place.
We were in the throes of dealing with YSD's Cancer diagnosis, so we were a little more free with cash in general...were thinking about it...then came to our senses. Huh? Does BM pay for half of the furniture we have for the kids here? Crazy talk.
TBM: "OH but its for our
TBM: "OH but its for our CHILD!!!!! Don't you want to be a good daddy and give her the dream bunk bed she has wanted for so long????"
EFF that. I came to my senses pretty quickly. I now look forward to TBM blowing a gasket, because SO's only response was "we shall see when tax returns are done and money comes in." And money has been coming in from side jobs and this and that, and he's made zero move on this new bunk bed at TBM's apartment.
Personally, I think its a wonderful idea, at OUR place. Munchkin an set up a little work are for her drawing, etc. At our place.
TBM, she's not the brightest bulb in the box, and she is the queen of broken promises. So we shall see what actually happens.
Agreed. We already bought a
Agreed.
We already bought a game system for the kids that was over at BM's 90% of the time. Phones that they use at BM's. Cars. DH's parents have given the kids TVs, bikes, game systems, clothes, desks, Roku players..etc. over the years...all of which end up at BM's, of course. Like heck we're going to start furnishing her place, too.
The game system...I actually bought that for SS the Christmas before we were even married...and DH & I don't care for video games and aren't the type of people who are going to give the kids a gift and then make them keep it here out of principle...that's kind of a crappy thing to do.
But given all that she's been...given. These 'extra' requests seem even more insane and kind of drive me up the wall.
And Two - Ill bet BM is
And Two - Ill bet BM is completely OBLIVIOUS to it. And the skids are as well. They don't care WHERE the stuff is, just that its theirs and accessible.
Sheesh. But if the shoe were on the other foot, of course it would be different.
I agree about vid games - they aren't for me at all. We have all the cool stuff (in my opinion) here anyway - her room is really nice, we have the bunnies, birdies, fishes, doggy, etc.